Endless oceans of blue,
pulling them in.
Falling into endless depths,
all fears drowning,
feeling safe and secure within their gaze.
Blue meets blue,
creating infinite oceans,
both full of unwielding emotions.
Hearts beating together,
a symphony of drums.
Perfectly tuned to match.
Fingers tremble slightly,
tracing lightly over features,
as to not disturb the other.
The feeling of safety
within their arms.
Strong hold,
to keep the other from falling
Hearts feeling complete,
when they are together.
Smiles are all natural,
a note of their happiness.
Breaths are caught,
at the sight of the other,
dressed up just for them.
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140,139 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey! EverWinter here, to give you a review!
Let's start with the format of the poem. It wasn't terribly consistent, some stanza's have more lines than others. If that wasn't for a specific purpose, I'd suggest changing it, because it disrupts the flow.
Next, the flow itself is a little off. A little editing of the word choice will take care of that.
Also, it doesn't have a hook. It just seems to let you breeze through it, not paying much attention to the words of the poem. It's like staring at a picture for a few minutes, but you seriously can't even remember what was in the painting. You need to set your readers. I would suggest more dramatic word choice, because powerful words intrigue people. The word choice just seems a little ordinary and simple.
All in all, it's a great start. Just a little more editing and revising and I think it will be good to go. Seriously, you could probably fix most of the problem in one sitting. I like the idea in the poem.
From your description, I kind of thought this poem was older than some of your others. So if you honestly don't care about my review, it's all good
Ever
Thank you so much for your review. It is truly treasured, even if I'm getting to this about a week later. I was basically writing this for my boyfriend at the time, he's now my fiance
, so that is why most of the word choice is rather simple. He doesn't like to read big huge words.
But thank you so much for your review, it is truly appreciated!
~Tulip
Awww congrats
Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, an honest reviewer. I have come to review your poem, which you have entitled Love's Wonder. I can already sense the theme of the poem, though its predictability is not a negative thing. In fact, your work is not predictable and reads rather nicely in the evening.
This poem is good because it's not glamorizing love, nor is it advocating for a cynical attitude towards love. Thus, it tells love how it appears to an individual, or two of them- at least, that is the impression that is exerted. I like the consistency of your poem, in that there is no rhyming scheme throughout, and although you vary the lengths of your stanzas, it is not distracting or of detriment to the poem. Grammatically, I see nothing particularly wrong.
My only real nitpick with this poem is that with all the metaphorical language, it is quite hard to find a concrete story, even if it may be your intention. It seems rather hazy and, during the middle section about "the feeling of safety", it does become apparent that I may have read that particular line somewhere before.
Nevertheless, this was a good poem. It had a good length, even if the content was confusing at some points.
I haven't the time to review, but this is absolutely stunning!
Thank you!