I miss you all.
Everyone else misses you too.
It's strange without you here, though.
I fit like the last piece of a puzzle,
Fitting snug to finish the picture.
Only fitting perfectly once found,
Floating lost in the world.
Now it's like I've fallen,
So far down into a vent.
Down so deep that the chances
Of retrieval are slim.
We wish you’d come back,
the group isn’t the same anymore.
There are so many fights,
as you aren’t here to keep the peace.
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139,346 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hello! Maddie here with a poetry review for ya!
Ok, first and foremost, I really do like the concept of this piece; the idea of moving away and the effect it has on others. I haven't seen many take on that idea, and any kind of originality it looked upon quite nicely here, so I applaud you for that.
Now then, taking that into consideration, I will say that the poem does have a few quirks.
For instance, the reading of it is rather hard, due to the fact that you have done not two, but three types of stanzas, growing from a one line, to two, to the usual four. I understand that this is a freeverse (I'll address that in a moment) poem so rhyme isn't necessarily an issue, but what is an issue is the meter. The meter of this poem is all over the place. One minute, it's got a slower beat, next it's like three times that, then it gets slow again and more elongated and it just doesn't work as well as you may think. I'd say for that, just restructure the poem, maybe put two of the already existing two line stanzas together. Just a suggestion.
Now, your free verse, just like the meter, is odd. While yes, there isn't a connection of rhyme needed as I previously mentioned, there does need to be anchor words (as I call them) that help you connect line to line and help you understand the big picture. There are times that this just feels like it never stops in terms of flow. There need to be stops, and that is done with anchor words.
Other than that, I say just make this longer! I love this idea and I think you can do a lot with this
Good job!
~Maddie
Hey! EverWinter here for a review!
So I thought this was a great poem. It was a little short, though. And to be honest, at first I thought it was about suicide, just because of how it started.
The flow was a little choppy, and I think it's because there was no real pattern to anything. I think if you went through and read it out loud, you could fix what's doing that. Be it the word choice or the punctuation.
Anyways, I liked your short little poem and I think it has a lot of potential!
Ever
Hey, I'm here to leave a quick review!
I pretty much adore this poem. I like the message you deliver here, about missing someone dearly and hoping that person to come back. It has that bittersweet feeling to it, and you present it in a simple way, which helps to enhance its sincerity and effectiveness. The first sentence and stanza is an example of how effective simple sincerity can be.
That being said, I think this poem has more potential that is yet to explored. From this point, I'd be giving out suggestions.
I don't mind with the italicized parts; I'm aware it represents the party the persona speaks to. However, I do have an issue with the usage of 'though'. 'Though' implies a sense of contradiction—'I like writing poem; I don't know if I'm good at it, though'—but here the lines seem to complement each other. I think removing 'though' would make the lines less confusing.
I like the first line, but the second one confuses me. How does it relate to 'Only fitting perfectly once found'? I think the chronology here is what's gone wrong. Maybe you have to switch these lines? 'Before, I floated without direction in this world / but once found, I fitted perfectly' is an example of how the flow of events is clearer and makes more sense.
I think this stanza closes the poem perfectly, although I hope you can do more with it. You've done well maintaining the imagery of puzzles, falling into a vent, that I think an imagery is needed to make the message here stronger too. Instead of fights and keeping peace, why don't you write 'fists flying towards each other' and 'a soothing voice to calm the fire within' to show this stuff? This is just an example, but I'm sure you can come up with your own imagery.
Anyway, that is all! I hope this helps; the poem in general is lovely. Keep up the good job!