Coffee is my drug.
It’s caffeine is my addiction cause.
It’s strong smell and
wonderful taste,
is all it takes to draw me in.
Coffee is my drug.
Wakes me up,
and puts me to sleep.
It calms me down,
but also pisses me off.
You think that you know me,
but when I have this drug of mine-
I am completely different.
I am not the same.
I have an addiction,
that I don’t want to part with.
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Timmy here for a quick review!
Ok, so I am a littttllle bit late, but better late then never, right?
Nitpicks
[/quote]
Ok, so now that I have gotten the technical nitpicks out of the way, let me just say one final thing... This poem seemed devoid of emotion and beautiful imagery... Does your hand quiver with anticipation when you don't have coffee? Do you savor the energy or the taste of the coffee? Imagine the reader as someone who has never heard of nor seen coffee. You have to make the reader yearn for a cup of this deliciousness!
Faving time and Style
Ok, so while I did have a few nitpick, let me just tell you that this was a very well done poem... One thing that you do that is mirrored throughout every piece of poetry is amazing formatting. Many people don't see formatting as important as words, but I think they carry the same weight... You cannot have an awesome piece of poetry without both of them!
While this piece didn't have beautiful imagery as much as the last I reviewed, that isn't to say it isn't awesome! This is a simpler piece of poetry, but you still convey a message. COFFEE IS ADDICTING!
So this was an amazing piece of poetry.. It wasn't as smooth or imagery full as your other, but still well done... I think all this piece needs is a little looking over, to smooth over the rough edges...
I hope this wasn't harsh. I wouldn't want to stop receiving review requests from you, because I really enjoy your poetry.
~Darth Timmyjake, the Sith Lord of YWS
Thanks Timmy. It is very insightful and I may go back and change it.
Love your sign off.
Hey Weather here with a review.
I love coffee also and poems about coffee, so I of course liked the concept of this piece. However I did have a few issues with this piece which i'd like to suggest and help you with.
Although this was aiming to be a poem about your addiction to coffee, I didn't really get much sense of an addict.
"Coffee is my drug.
It’s caffeine is my addiction cause.
It’s strong smell and
wonderful taste,
is all it takes to draw me in."
Personally, I wouldn't directly state that "coffee is my drug" it is stated in the title so the reader could get the idea from your poem that it's coffee you're craving. You haven't used the correct, "It's", It's is a contraction that is shorthand for, It is or It has. But the one you use in this instance is "Its", because that is a possessive pronoun that is neutral. I like your other descriptions here though. I'd just suggest using more words in reference to an addiction in general e.g. Indulge, Captivate, Surround, Need, Crave etc...
"Coffee is my drug.
Wakes me up,
and puts me to sleep.
It calms me down,
but also pisses me off."
Here, I think the thought process behind it waking you up and putting you to sleep would have been good to add as we can then see the mind of an addict who requires it to sleep or else they may get insomnia. Or how they can't wake up without it because they may have no reason to wake up aside from drinking coffee... develop and elaborate some reasons of the addiction. The battle between it being a blessing and a cures you started to mention towards the end of this stanza, which was good but could have had more detail.
"You think that you know me,
but when I have this drug of mine-
I am completely different.
I am not the same"
Instead of "this drug of mine-", Perhaps, "when I have my drug" it flows better in my opinion.
Also saying how different this drug makes you to what extent would be an effective final stanza.
I hope this helped you in any way. Keep Writing.
--Weather
Yello GreenTulip! Pompadour here to leave a quick review! Lemme cover the technicalities first...
Technical
The flow and other miscellaneous things
OK, so I enjoyed reading about how coffee, and caffeine in particular, affect you, but there was this lack of impact. Your ending is sort of like this stray thread, and it makes the poem seems incomplete. Make a dramatic statement; add some fire to your words! Poetry is all about expression, exaggeration. When you said:
I couldn't help but think of an overblown way you could have presented the statement. Something like:
Or something along those lines. What you write depends completely on you!
I hope this review helped.
Keep writing! Keep up the wonderful work!
Cheers,
~Pompadour
Hello!
I loved the theme (coffee is my favorite addiction ever!!!), I loved the words, I loved the content...
But I missed a poem shape.
I'm used to see poems with rhyming, or each part with the same quantity of lines, or a reading that remembers music, or sonets, or these kinds of imagery with the writing to form something visually different.
Your writing is very good but I missed it.
Or maybe this is a masterpiece ahead of my time and I do not know it yet.
I liked it and that's what matters!
Poem shape? I don't know what that is. So I just write to write.
Yeah, maybe I'm studying theory too much... HUahuuauh.
I loved it, for real!