Another year passed by,
with winter beauty
pushed to the corner as
the beauty of spring arrives.
Flowers bloom in bursts of
yellows, whites, blues
with the reds and oranges.
The sweet scent rising into the air.
Days begin to extend into
later dusks and warmer hours.
The sun shines brightly
into the late evening hours.
In the star filled night,
cricket songs replace the
chirped melodies of
their feathered companions.
Sitting on a weather worn porch,
these sights are took in with a
thoughtful gaze over the pages of a book.
These sounds are took in with accustomed ears.
I suppose the meaning of this poem,
was to simply to say this:
Happy Birthday, Grandma.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Timmy is here for a quick review!!
As usual, Nitpicks first.
This part seems rather vague and not real flowing. Perhaps you need to narrow this down to something. Perhaps a particular flower blooming? Perhaps your grandma's favorite? And if not, I think it would flow better if you did this to it:
One of your big points throughout this poem is to tell that everything is changing. Everything is becoming new again through this friend, Spring. Telling us that the bench is "weather worn" seems to contradict that sense of renewed... It isn't really a nitpick, just a comment.
I think that this part of the poem is underrated... You are saying throughout the entire poem how wonderful spring is and how everything is renewed, etc... And then you throw this part in there, making it the focus of the poem--and it throws me off.
Perhaps you could put it throughout the poem, in tiny hints that build up to that last line... until we all know that its Happy birthday for her? Perhaps like you are speaking to her throughout?
Faving time and Style
Something that I always love about your poetry are your ideas. Never. Cliché. Never. All of them aren't about how the spring reminds you of your first love or something... Its original! *begins clapping*
This one flows well, and follows a different style than your previous do... Kind of a freestyle, where the first line just flows into the second, without a comma or anything to hinder the transition(mostly no commas) I like how you experiment in different styles... It makes you a very well rounded poet!
Favorite place
Those lines give me a vision of that, without long explanation or description. Just a simple part in which you tell of the transition from day to night, and it is beautiful.
So that is all I have to say on this one... I know it isn't as good as most of mine, but there isn't much to nitpick on this one.
May the force be with you,
~Darth Timmyjake
I love this!
The description is amazing and paints a clear picture in my mind and shows how you think too.
I really loved this poem. I thought it was really sweet, and I hope you grandmother has a great birthday. In May
"with the reds and oranges." This line doesn't really flow with the rest of the poem. You could change it to, "reds, oranges."
"Days begin to extend into
later dusks and warmer hours." You should try,
"Days begin to extend
later dusks and warmer hours." The "into" doesn't flow.
"Sitting on a weather worn porch" There should be a dash between weather and worn. "weather-worn porch."
"these sights are took in with a
thoughtful gaze over the pages of a book." You could really change this line. Try, "Take in these sights with
a thoughtful gaze over the pages of a book."
Aside from that, it was a wonderful poem. You have a great voice, and a nice flow. Good job.
Alex out!
Hey GreenTulip
Shauzer here reviewing,
- but this was not enough. You need to give more information on her, make it personal. This is a poem about love. make it so that you don't have to add in what the meaning is at the end. Make it so that your Grandma's heart is warmed by simply reading it. Just a thought 
well done, that's a hard enough thing to do 
And I can be harsh sometimes, so the fact that I couldn't really say anything bad about the actual poetry shows you have great potential, I hope you have ambitions to keep writing 
My favourite line, you ask?
plus, none of it fits without the rest and it was a really nice thing to put in. Well done on the poem. One more thing, the flow here was nice, it was peaceful, it was graceful, it was never-ending. Kudos on that, keep it up and your poetry will always be good 
This poem was great as a poem. You described everything nicely and it was easy to read. It flowed well, each line following the next with beautiful rhythm. This WAS good, I want to make that clear. I only found two things I didn't like, and these were only two minor faults.
I thought the poem could have been more directly related to you Grandmother, because there was only one involving her - the last one, and it wasn't really personal. I think you got maybe too into the poetry and it kind of lacked in sentimentality. From what you said in the whole poem, we know that your Grandma has good hearing, and she sits on the porch reading. I don't mean to be blunt or critique your poem for you Grandma - it seems mean
Also, I thought that in the last line of the first stanza (the beauty of spring arrives.) You could have used "that of Spring arrives." It was unnecessary to add in a second use of the word 'beauty'.
Overall this was a great poem. And you've definitely earned my follow
"In the star filled night,
cricket songs replace the
chirped melodies of
their feathered companions."
I know this wasn't a line, but technically it was a sentence
Keep writing, I'll bet your Grandma appreciates your effort
Yours in ink,
TS.