You see me in flesh and blood-
yet your eyes don’t catch what I hide.
You see my smiles and hear my laughs,
yet you are unable to hear my cries.
You feel my happiness,
but yet you can’t feel my sorrow and depression.
You see what is on the surface,
but your keen sight doesn’t dive underneath.
You see what you want, but not what it is.
The battles I hide under from all-
you don’t see them,
but I know the secret behind them.
I was too weak, unable to go to you.
You are the reason that the scars are here,
you are the reason why I don’t share my feelings.
I hate this life, and sometimes.
sometimes I wish for a new one.
But even then,
I could never actually pull it off.
Why did it have to go this far?
I wish you could have seen the signs,
and I wish I was strong enough to speak.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hello there! Luata here for a review, though admittedly, I haven't done anything for a while so I'm a bit rusty, though I'll try to be as helpful as possible!
First off, overall. Overall, the entire poem is a little cliche. I mean, yes. It is well written and has a good idea behind it, but the idea of helplessness and .... hurting .... and cutting for that matter are so often written about that the idea itself becomes a bit mundane after reading so many poems about it. I'm not saying that the issues you are presenting aren't important, for they are indeed, very important. I've fallen into the same rut, so as one writer to another, I offer you the advice of putting a new and unique spin on the idea you are trying to present above.
Beyond that, I like the spacing and I didn't see any grammar mistakes!
I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
~Luata
A very heartfelt poem indeed. Hi, Poopsie or ''pigeon'' here for a review.
To start off, I could feel the heart you put into this story. It feels real and that in itself is a great accomplishment in my book. It feels raw, but not too raw and that is great. I also noticed that you are very consistent with your themes. Your imagery is very neatly tied with the point of your poem.
However, I have one thing I want to point out.
First; I feel your poem needs to flow more. Their are too many stops in your lines. It feels more like a series of sentences than a poem. I realize that lines are meant to symbolize sentences and some people like to make it so their lines feel like sentences, but for me it doesn't work.
Overall a great poem. I hope you, if you are actually going through the things portrayed in this poem, get through it. I wish you the best.
-the pigeon