Sunlight filters down,
dappling the ground.
Bare branches become
a huge playground,
to safely fall among the leaves.
Golden hues lay
among the autumn green.
Both gaining signs of
the oncoming seasonal change.
Browning as bright days
turn into chilly long nights.
Birds dance in blue skies,
spiraling down and
soaring skywards again.
Feathers falling against
the soft breeze.
Sunsets come earlier
and last longer.
Days shorten while
nights drag on forever.
Stars twinkle high above,
among the moonshine.
A heavenly sight so pure
the heart yearns for it.
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Wow.
This poem is awesome!
Honestly, I think its fine the way it is. The advice that was given bellow is useful so I instead of repeating it again I will just keep this nice and short.
Keep writing!
Love the rhyme, rhythm, and structure of this poem!
so maybe I'm biased.
I have to say it has a FEW cliches that are often found in poetry...but they're not overused and you balance it out well with your voice.
I love autumn best because I like watching the earth begin to die.
It sounds morbid and depressing, but I really find beauty in it, knowing color will always come back again. In a sense, it gives me a sort of hope. I see that portrayed through this piece.
Oh, yeah, and I was born in autumn
But seriously, fall time is GREAT for me as a poet to search for inspiration. It's everywhere in the change of seasons!
Great job and keep writing
~iron.n
Hi Tulip,
Very beautiful poem you have here! I just have a few suggestions, but it's your poem so you don't have to take them.
Nice stanza, but what is the "both" referring to? The green and gold? If so, then how are those "gaining signs of the oncoming seasonal change"? I think that the gold itself would be a sign of seasonal change. Also, perhaps "change in seasons" would flow a bit better there.
I like how these stanzas are a little more obvious in declaring the coming of autumn.
Great imagery all around! It's quite beautiful, and one can easily imagine a park scene with trees and a ground covered in leaves.
One last thing:
I thought the last stanza could be a little bit stronger. This is wonderful, so I suggest keeping it, but perhaps add another few lines firmly putting the reader in an autumn or fall mood. Use the strength of red or fall colors or paint a final image of leaves forming a cloud in the air as the descend from the trees.
Good luck and keep writing!
-Falco
I like it. I honestly feel like I am getting a true form of spring almost? The writing is a very warm, spring like feel.
Of course, poetry is always nice, and I like how you use the words to compose a very natural and almost refreshing to read. To be honest, I almost felt like I was standing in a meadow enjoying the very sensations that the poem writes about! I like the last few lines for sure, where it comes upon the tranquility of spring nights, and how the moonshine comes down like heavenly rays. Its a very beautiful way of writing the night.
I also enjoy how you explain the tulips and such not just as flowers, but hues, such as the golden hues. I feel like you add a lot of color to the poem, so that one can almost envision it.