Hello again! Wow I'm finally at the point where I can bring these out of the green room!
To piggy back off of what I said in the previous chapter - yeah, definitely combine these two chapters. This is such a natural progression of the previous chapter, and you're still ending in a cliff hanger. You don't need two super short chapters in a row. You wouldn't even have to do much to transition, I think you could literally just slap this one on to the ending of the last one and you'll be good to go.
‘No, no, no. This can’t be happening,’ Zoltar thought anxiously as he searched desperately for the thin shadow of the ice dragon.
I talk a lot about expanding thoughts and describing his thought patterns. Here is a perfect example of when to do a specific thought. This is a short, simple thought and it makes perfect sense to do it exactly as you've done it. Anything much longer than this, I would consider describing the thought process like I've talked about in previous chapters.
‘Where is she? This can’t be like my dream. Felistia wouldn’t do something like that.’ But a small voice kept echoing inside his head, whispering, ‘wouldn’t she?’
Here I think you could do a combo. "Where is she?" is a specific thought. "This can't be like my dream. Felistia wouldn't do something like that." might be better expanded and described. I think one way you can think of the distinction is that the specific thought is a statement, almost a fact. Where is she? He doesn't know where she is. The other two are more opinion/wish/desire. He hopes this isn't like his dream. He hopes Felistia wouldn't betray him. For opinions/wishes/desires, I want to get deeper into that and know why he's thinking that. For "where is she", it's obvious. He doesn't know where she is. For the other two, break down why this can't be like his dream (it's sort of implied, but still give me that thought process) and why he thinks she wouldn't do something like that.
Zoltar shook his head, refusing to let his fears control him.
I really like this line. Good characterization because it's showing his strength and what he's actually doing to try to be strong.
‘She’s gone,’ Zoltar realized,
Again, good example of a specific thought and a good example of a thought that can be in italics like this. It's short, simple, and it's a fact. She's gone. There's no disputing that. There's no need to get into or think about why he's thinking that. It's obvious.
‘I have lost her and right in the middle of the ice talon kingdom. What am I going to do? I have to get that diamond, but I can’t just leave Felistia, wherever she is. She is one of my best friends and if anything has happened to her I will never forgive myself. She must be out there,’
And then here you can describe rather than state some of these thoughts because there are a lot more thought processes underlying all of this and I want to know more. I don't want to sound like a broken record, so try to apply some of the other things I've said about how to do this, but if you get stuck let me know
There was a blur of icy voices and the shape of a female ice dragon swam into Zoltar’s view before he passed out.
And once again...he passes out. I think this is the forth time this has happened?
I have a feeling what happened in his dream is about to happen for real.... *worried but also really excited to see what's going to happen next*! Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing, and I'll see you soon!
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