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The Quest for Fire Book Two ~ Frozen Past Chapter 6

by felistia


Zoltar soared over the cobalt blue sky, the starlight shimmering off his ebony wings and curved violet horns. A shallow dawn was creeping over the heavens as the moons slowly sank down the withering night sky.

‘I have to get back before the others wake up,’ Zoltar thought as he picked up the pace, letting the cold wind slice across his wing tips. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Emerald and Shiraku while he talked to Felistia about his actions. It would probably be best if they didn't know about his dream either. It would most likely just freak them out and he already had to deal with Felistia.

Finally the group came into sight. All of them with their heads tucked snugly under their wings as their sides steadily rose and fell. Felistia seemed to be twitching slightly, her claws flexing in and out as though she were fighting.

Zoltar shivered as a new surge of fear rippled over his scales. What if the dream had been a warning and Felistia really was going to betray him?

‘Stop it,’ Zoltar scolded, shaking off the uncomfortable feeling. He felt ashamed for thinking about Felistia in such a way. She'd risked her neck more than once for him and deserved his trust. This was not the way to repay her and over a stupid dream for goodness sake. Zoltar let out a growl of annoyance. He was acting like a any shadow talon would now, but then shadow talons never trusted anyone and normally didn't end up having friends. And Zoltar knew that Felistia was a great friend, better than any shadow talon friend he'd had before. Now he was acting as though she were his enemy and like she'd done everything in his dream. She didn't deserve that treatment and Zoltar knew it. He'd just have to get over his ridiculous fear and treat Felistia the way she deserved to be treated; as a friend.  

Zoltar gently landed next to the sleeping ice talon. She really was beautiful. The way she gleamed white beside his bold onyx black scales. How her jagged crown of spikes caught every blade of light like a cluster of crystals.

Zoltar gently leaned forward to wake Felistia when suddenly Felistia let out a ferocious snarl and her dagger like claws clinched as her tail lashed violently from side to side, slamming one of her tail spikes straight into Zoltar’s right back leg. Zoltar let out a howl of pain and leapt back from the thrashing ice talon. Sharp spears of agony streaked up his calf and into his back. He squeezed shut his eyes, trying to prevent himself from passing out from the extreme pain.

“W-w-who’s attacking?” Shiraku yelled drowsily as she stumbling to her paws, her fangs bared.

“W-what’s happening?” Emerald asked, turning a shade of beetle green with crimson red spots.

“A little accident with Felistia’s tail,” Zoltar growled through gritted teeth, his eyes still warily on Felistia, who hadn’t woken up and was still flailing around with claws and teeth flashing.

“You’re bleeding!” Emerald shouted in alarm as she rushed over to Zoltar. She tenderly examined the deep wound in his calf.

After a few seconds she let out a sigh of relief, “It’s seems to only be a flesh wound. You’re luck she didn’t hit the bone. You could have had a broken leg.” She reached inside the pouch around his neck and drew out a few lime green leaves.

“Might as well be broke the way it’s hurting,” Zoltar hissed, scrapping savagely at the icy ground as Emerald gently placed the herbs on his leg.

“It should feel better in a little while. Try to not move that leg until the herbs start to work.”

Zoltar drew in a long, deep breath as the herbs slowly started to numb the unbearable pain and his tense muscles gradually started to relax.

Felistia had stopped thrashing and was now curled up in a ball as though nothing had happened. Zoltar watched her cautiously, the pain in his leg now a dim throb. What had Felistia been dreaming and why had she suddenly lashed out like that? She'd never had such violent dreams in the cave. Had she been fighting someone and if so who? Did this have something to do with her past and the fact that they were nearing her home? Zoltar didn't know, but what he did know was that he couldn't just keep letting these things go. He'd have to talk to Felistia tomorrow and figure out what was going on.


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 1:42 am
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D

‘I have to get back before they wake up,’ Zoltar thought as he picked up the pace, letting the cold wind slice across his wing tips.

Why? Break this thought down a bit more. Why is getting back before they wake up so important? And what about Felistia? Isn't she already awake?

Zoltar shivered as a new surge of fear rippled over his scales, ‘What if the dream had been a warning and Felistia really was going to betray him?’

Just like I've mentioned before, dig deeper into this thought and feeling. I want to understand his thought processes and worries.

‘Stop it,’ Zoltar scolded, shaking off the uncomfortable feeling, ‘Felistia has risked her neck for you more than once and this is how you repay her? All because of a meaningless dream? Stop being such a shadow talon and trust her more. She isn’t just going to just turn around and stab you in the back. Have some faith that not all dragons are going to hit you when you’re not looking.’

I'm going to start sounding like a broken record :P I want more of his thoughts. This by itself isn't so bad, but it feels a little out of the blue or a little unexpected and I think it's because I need all of the thoughts leading up to it like we've talked about before. Like the places I thought you could beef up the thoughts regarding this whole situation will make this thought shine more.

Zoltar gently landed next to the sleeping ice talon. She really was beautiful. The way she gleamed white beside his bold onyx black scales. How her jagged crown of spikes caught every blade of light like a cluster of crystals.

This thought process feels like a bit of a jump. We just went from talking himself out of being scared of her to thinking about how beautiful she is. Where did this come from? He's never commented on her beauty before that I've remembered.

Zoltar watched her cautiously while thinking, ‘What had she been dreaming and why had she suddenly lashed out like that? Had she been fighting someone and if so who?’

I think these thoughts could be stronger. Again, I probably sound like a broken record at this point but expand his thought process here.

I thought this was a really intriguing chapter. I love the mirroring you have going with Zoltar's vivid dream followed now by Felistia's vivid dream. I'm sooooo curious to know what Felistia was dreaming about and if it has anything to do with Zoltar's dreams and his fears about what's going to happen when they reach this palace. Very interesting twist here! And very excited to read on! Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing! :D




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Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:02 pm
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FeatherPen wrote a review...



Hello felista,
Happy review day, go team SUB ZERO!
As per my usual reviewing style I will pick things up as I read through.
I can’t say enough how poetic and clear your imagery and descriptions are, you are probably sick of hearing it but it is true and one of the best things about your writing.

‘I have to get there before they wake up,’ probably because it has been a week or so since I read the last chapter I was like “get where?” It would be clearer as ‘I have to get back before they wake up,’
From where Felista cuts Zoltar with her tail spikes you have managed to convey the tension very well and I felt my mussels relax as Zoltar’s did at the end.
Just a note, remember to make Zoltar’s wound last the right length of time. Add in a reminder that it still hurts, perhaps the next day as he wakes up or something, to show that he is real. It is a peeve of mine when characters heal so fast, it is as though they are immortal.
At one point in the story I was concerned that it would become the type where the band of characters goes to one place after another collecting the quest objects with only marginal trouble. The conflict between Zotar and Felista adds another thread to the story developing the characters, so that it becomes more than just an adventure. In addition you ensured that things didn’t quite go to plan when they fought to get the scale, so you have kept my attention and made it interesting.

I am intrigued to see what has been bothering Felistia (I guess something from her past) and how she reacts when she finds she hurt Zoltar.
Looking forward to reading more, Ferran




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. It is great to hear what your thoughts were. I will definitely make sure that wound heals for the appropriate time. Magic healing is a pet peeve of mine too. :D



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Mon Jan 25, 2016 4:42 pm
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HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Hello again! Holographic Ladybug is back for yet another review!

~Good Bits~
(Cue applauding) Yet again, well done. Another fantastic chapter! I like how we're getting some sort of mystery that surrounds Felistia. You're keeping things interesting, providing us with another step of the plot. But the thing is, will it be important for your story as a whole or not? Will the chain of events affect the future story? I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but I'm sure that you will show us with great skill. I look forward to it. :)
Your description at the start of the chapter was also really good. You described the sky well so that I could perfectly see it. I have no issues with it otherwise, although I kind of wished that you would have described the pain in Zoltar's leg a bit more. A place where you could do it is just after Felistia lashed out at him. (After 'Zoltar let out a howl of pain and leapt back from the thrashing ice talon' would work well.)

Zoltar soared over the cobalt blue night sky, the starlight shimmering off his ebony wings and curved violet horns. A shallow dawn was creeping over the heavens as the moons slowly sank down the withering night sky.

Here is where I was talking about with the sky. Very clear, very relaxing, and above all, very descriptive. You're refreshing our memories about what he looks like a little and using that to your avantage, manipulating it so that it goes well with your description. You did the same with Felistia later on (which I loved), so keep that up. :)

~Other Bits~
Zoltar soared over the cobalt blue night sky, the starlight shimmering off his ebony wings and curved violet horns. A shallow dawn was creeping over the heavens as the moons slowly sank down the withering night sky.

We already kind of know that it's night and the colour of the sky is enough to indicate what time of day it is. Furthermore, you state it again, but you could keep the last one because it's fine there. So just for repetitivity and slight redundancy, I would recommend taking the first night out.

That's it from me! Another great chapter from you brings another review from me. :D Can't wait for the next chapter! Never stop writing. :D
~holographicladybug~




felistia says...


Thanks for the review. Sorry about the late reply. I will be sure to correct the problems. :D




Have a biscuit, Potter.
— Professor McGonagall