Hello again!
It had all been a dream, but the feelings he had felt couldn’t have been more vivid or real.
This would be a great time to dive into some processing of his feelings. I could tell he was freaked out in his dream obviously, but now that he's awake I want to know what he thinks of the dream and how he felt and how he feels now. Don't recap what happened in the dream because we just saw it, but describe what he's thinking and feeling now.
As if sensing something was wrong, she got up and started to pad silently towards him like panther would a deer.
I'm not a huge fan of this preposition "as if sensing something was wrong". It's kind of a personal pet peeve of mine anyway to have sentences with this type of structure. But it's also a little contradictory. She's approaching him because she senses something is wrong which makes me think sensitive and caring. But then her movements are described as being like a panther moving towards a deer which makes me think threatening and dangerous.
Think of it how Zoltar would notice this. He would notice her getting up and coming near him. Why would he guess she was coming near him? (I would assume he would guess it's because she wants to know if he's okay). Then what would she look like as she's doing this? Then you could put it all together like "Zoltar noticed Felistia get up and pad silently towards him. He guessed she was worried about his outburst and wanted to see if he was okay without waking up the others" (but obviously add your own flair or whatever)
Zoltar was surprised to feel his heart rate starting to accelerate and cold sweet was starting to break out from between his scales.
‘It was just a dream,’ he assured himself as Felistia walked over, but he still couldn’t stop shaking.
Dig a little deeper here with his feelings. It's implied why he's feeling this way and why he's nervous about her coming over, but don't be afraid to spell it out a bit. Describe what's going through his mind right now and how he's feeling.
‘What was that?’ Zoltar yelled to himself after he was a good few miles away from Felistia, ‘She isn’t going to hurt you. Honestly, it was just a dream. Stop putting her on edge, she hasn’t done anything wrong.’
Zoltar rubbed his snout, exasperated, ‘This was a classic case of me over reacting and scaring away my friends. Seriously, you’d think that I would have learned by now.’
You can expand his thoughts here too and get into the describing like I've talked about before. I just really like getting deep into a character's thoughts because it helps me to feel like I know them. I want to know how he thinks and how he processes things.
Dipping in a large arc, Zoltar dived towards the glittering lake below. Maybe staring out into nothingness would help calm his nerves, after all he had done this many an hour in the shadow lands when he was feeling lonely. Gazing up at the never ending ash clouds spewing from the volcano.
How does staring at nothingness help calm his nerves?
And that last sentence is a fragment - there's no subject.
Zoltar gently landed,
Where? Back by his friends or in a new place?
“Shiraku and Emerald aren’t going to be able to come to the ice talon kingdom,” Zoltar resented, tucking his wings in closer, “None of them can breathe fire, so they will most likely freeze before we’re halfway to the palace. Which means I am going to have to go with Felistia; alone.”
Where did this come from? He landed and he's looking at everything and then he thinks this? It feels a bit out of the blue. Give me a little more lead-up and then bring me to this thought. Maybe he's thinking about his dream and the upcoming mission and he's replaying in his head what he's going to have to do (because the more you remind me of the plan, the better). And then he starts thinking about the potential dangers or challenges with the plan and he thinks about Shiraku and Emerald and he suddenly realizes the extra danger they'll have in this place so he decides they probably shouldn't come. How is he going to tell them this? How does he think they'll react? What are they supposed to do while he and Felisitia are carrying out this mission? How will they meet up after? What will happen or what's the plan if, worst case scenario, Zoltar and Felistia didn't come back to meet them?
These are the kinds of things Zoltar could be or might be thinking about to expand this idea.
A shiver of fear ran down Zoltar’s spin, but he shrugged it off, ‘I will go make up with her right away. After all it won’t help me if she’s cross with me on the way to the ice talon kingdom.’
Process that shiver of fear a bit more and what exactly he's so scared is going to happen. What does he think about that? Is he still going to go through with it? Why? Does he have any other choices? What's his plan for if the things in his dream start to become a reality? Is he going to say anything to Felistia about his dream? What's he planning on telling her about the nature of this mission? Is he going to try to prevent the things that happened in his dream? What's he going to say to her to make up? (again, things he could be or might be thinking about to expand this).
I'm going to be all caught up soon! Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!
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