Zoltar woke with a yell, his whole scaly body trembling in fright. He looked around with wild eyes, expecting to see the frozen walls of an ice talon prison, but instead he saw Emerald and Shiraku curled up like cats, their sides steadily rising and falling with each breath. Felistia was a few steps away from them, looking towards the far off snows whirling in the south as her scales gleamed porcelain white in the shimmering light of the two moons.
Zoltar took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his shaken nerves. It had all been a dream; a really vivid dream, but what had scared him was what had happened. Why had Felistia betrayed him like that. He knew that it had just been a nightmare, but it still had to have come from somewhere. Sure Felistia had been acting strangely, but that still didn't mean she was going to hand him over to the ice talons. Was she? Zoltar swallowed hard. Maybe his fears where real and she was hiding something from him. It wasn't impossible. He glanced back at Felistia, she was staring at him with her golden orb like eyes. As if sensing something was wrong, she got up and started to pad silently towards him like panther would a deer.
Zoltar was surprised to feel his heart rate starting to accelerate and cold sweat starting to break out from between his scales. ‘It was just a dream,’ he assured himself as Felistia walked over, but he still couldn’t stop shaking.
“Another bad dream?” Felistia asked in an almost too sweet voice as her dark shadow fell over Zoltar’s face.
“Y-y-yes,” Zoltar stammered, hastily getting up, so that her snake like shadow no longer loomed over him. Was it just him or did she seem larger in the pale moonlight?
“What was it about this time?” Felistia asked, leaning her snout in closer so that her golden eyes stared straight into Zoltar’s amethyst ones.
“N-n-nothing,” Zoltar stammered, jerking his head away from her hypnotic stare. His head was swimming and he had to close his eyes for a second to stop the ground from spinning. Every nerve in his body was pumping with adrenalin and his mind was screaming at him to run.
“What’s wrong Zoltar? Why are you being short with me?” Felistia enquired in an innocent voice as she sat down and proceeded to try and wrap her silver wing around his back.
“Nothing’s wrong. I-I-I just need some alone time!” Zoltar burst out, finely giving into his urge to bolt as he extended his wings and lifted into the frigid night air. He quickly left Felistia behind as he climbed towards the star light.
‘What was that?’ Zoltar yelled to himself after he was a good few miles away from Felistia. He kept trying to convince himself that she wasn't going to hurt him and that he should stop putting her on edge, but he just couldn't do it. The image of her shining blood hungry eyes still haunted him. The pain of her claws slicing against his scales and the screaming wind in his face. It just seemed to real to shake it off. But then she still hadn't really done anything wrong.
Zoltar rubbed his snout, exasperated. This was a classic case of him over reacting and scaring away his friends. He'd done this in the shadow lands and now he was doing it again. Honestly, you would have thought he'd have learned by now.
Dipping in a large arc, Zoltar dived towards the glittering lake below. Maybe staring out into nothingness would help calm his nerves, after all he had done this many an hour in the shadow lands when he was feeling scared, gazing up at the never ending ash clouds spewing from the volcano.
Zoltar gently landed, the frost covered grass surrounding the lake cracking under his paws like glass. He sat down on the edge of the bank, his tail wrapped around his legs as he stared out over the frozen water. The star light shimmered over the imperfect sheet of ice and freezing cold winds howled over its surface.
The howling wind reminded Zoltar of the Howler dragons wailing cries back in the forbidden hills. A tingle of fear ran down Zoltar's spine, causing him to shiver uncontrollably for a few seconds. He had to succeed in this mission. His life and the shadow talons lives depended upon it. Who knew what would happen if he didn't get the Ruby of Fire for the howler dragons. He was sure they wouldn't just give him a friendly pat on the back and leave it.
Doubt slowly seeped into his mind like rats searching for food. He had less than six months to go and he wasn't even halfway there. He still had to get another four things for the Riconra before he could even start thinking about getting the Ruby. Getting the wisp talon scale had been hard, but it was going to be nothing compered to stealing the ice talon queen's diamond. It would have been difficult with the four dragons, but to make it even worse Emerald and Shiraku weren't going to be able to come. They couldn't breathe fire and therefor would freeze with in hours of reaching the ice talon kingdom. The only one that could go with him was...Zoltar shivered at the thought; Felistia.
A ripple of fear coursed through Zoltar's veins, setting all his senses on a blades edge, but he shrugged it off stubbornly. Whether he liked it or not, Felistia was going to want to come with him to the ice talon kingdom. It was her home after all. He'd better go and make up with Felistia for his strange behaviour. It wouldn't help if she was freaked out by him on the way to the ice talon kingdom. Sighing, Zoltar leapt into the air and sped back towards where the others were sleeping.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello again!
This would be a great time to dive into some processing of his feelings. I could tell he was freaked out in his dream obviously, but now that he's awake I want to know what he thinks of the dream and how he felt and how he feels now. Don't recap what happened in the dream because we just saw it, but describe what he's thinking and feeling now.
I'm not a huge fan of this preposition "as if sensing something was wrong". It's kind of a personal pet peeve of mine anyway to have sentences with this type of structure. But it's also a little contradictory. She's approaching him because she senses something is wrong which makes me think sensitive and caring. But then her movements are described as being like a panther moving towards a deer which makes me think threatening and dangerous.
Think of it how Zoltar would notice this. He would notice her getting up and coming near him. Why would he guess she was coming near him? (I would assume he would guess it's because she wants to know if he's okay). Then what would she look like as she's doing this? Then you could put it all together like "Zoltar noticed Felistia get up and pad silently towards him. He guessed she was worried about his outburst and wanted to see if he was okay without waking up the others" (but obviously add your own flair or whatever)
Dig a little deeper here with his feelings. It's implied why he's feeling this way and why he's nervous about her coming over, but don't be afraid to spell it out a bit. Describe what's going through his mind right now and how he's feeling.
You can expand his thoughts here too and get into the describing like I've talked about before. I just really like getting deep into a character's thoughts because it helps me to feel like I know them. I want to know how he thinks and how he processes things.
How does staring at nothingness help calm his nerves?
And that last sentence is a fragment - there's no subject.
Where? Back by his friends or in a new place?
Where did this come from? He landed and he's looking at everything and then he thinks this? It feels a bit out of the blue. Give me a little more lead-up and then bring me to this thought. Maybe he's thinking about his dream and the upcoming mission and he's replaying in his head what he's going to have to do (because the more you remind me of the plan, the better). And then he starts thinking about the potential dangers or challenges with the plan and he thinks about Shiraku and Emerald and he suddenly realizes the extra danger they'll have in this place so he decides they probably shouldn't come. How is he going to tell them this? How does he think they'll react? What are they supposed to do while he and Felisitia are carrying out this mission? How will they meet up after? What will happen or what's the plan if, worst case scenario, Zoltar and Felistia didn't come back to meet them?
These are the kinds of things Zoltar could be or might be thinking about to expand this idea.
Process that shiver of fear a bit more and what exactly he's so scared is going to happen. What does he think about that? Is he still going to go through with it? Why? Does he have any other choices? What's his plan for if the things in his dream start to become a reality? Is he going to say anything to Felistia about his dream? What's he planning on telling her about the nature of this mission? Is he going to try to prevent the things that happened in his dream? What's he going to say to her to make up? (again, things he could be or might be thinking about to expand this).
I'm going to be all caught up soon!
Hello Felistia!
writer12345
This was another amazing chapter and wow, the whole thing that happened in the previous chapter was a dream.
I really liked the way Zoltar spoke to Felista after the dream. I actually understood how shocked and worried he was. And he is starting to doubt Felistia. Hmm, who knows what'll happen next on their journey alone!
Really small mistakes
“Another bad dream?” Felistia asked in an almost to sweet voice as her dark shadow feel over Zoltar’s face.
I think it should be 'fell over Zoltar's face'. Feel over doesn't seem right.
"With that Zoltar leapt into the air and sped back towards where the others where sleeping."
The 'where' at the end of the sentence should 'were'.
Well that's all for now.
Never stop writing and keep on surprising me!!!
Greetings felistia! Holographic Ladybug here for a review that should have been done a while ago! Well, I'm here now I guess.
It's somewhat shorter than what I usually do, but I hope it has good quality! Stay awesome and never stop writing. 
I'm not doing my usual review format this time mainly because I can't really find much to mention this time. Good things are mostly what I have to say. Amongst them all, a few things stood out the most:
-Transitions between places are very good this chapter, something I have trouble in. Throughout your entire chapter, I know where Zoltar is and what he is doing which is good because that way your readers aren't lost. You describe them and have him think through your chapter as he is flying, which didn't get boring at all and kept things a level above interesting. You're doing things better and more descriptive than just 'He flew towards a lake.' That is a great sign of good writing
-Emotions for your character were very well done. You made him nervous about having that dream, so he feels more alive that way, making it more interesting than simple words. It's realistic as well, which adds a powerful boost to your writing. Another great advantage to this is that we get to know your character more. There's really nothing wrong with providing more information (to a certain extent) about your characters (main ones can sometimes be very challenging with this). So, high-five to you!
That is it for my review!
~Holographic Ladybug
The question itself "Another bad dream?" is sweet on its own without you saying this next line. I understand though, the reason you wrote it, the emphasis you desire. This is an example of telling instead of showing.
I see what's happening here, he's trying to escape from her attention because she caught him in a vulnerable place. The gulp is a little bit cartoonish. I mean how many times do people (I know their dragon-like creatures) actually gulp when they're nervous? You use an adjective which I think could just as easily be discarded there. If you want it to be hastily, make the action fast. "Yes," he moved away.
Sometimes repetition is effective but you've made a lot of commentary about her eyes staring already that we've already got the feeling, and the image in our minds before you this line. So it makes me feel tiresome to read. Also why is it an innocent voice? In other words show me this.
30 chapters made, wow! That's an impressive amount. You really seem to have a consist voice in your narrative now, keep going!
Thank you so much for the review. I will be sure go and fix the problems right away.
Hello Felistia,
This chapter is fantastic, I love the emotion Zoltar feels after waking up from his distressing dream and his terror, anger and frustration are very well expressed.
In the flight to the ice kingdom there was a build-up of tension between the dragons I feel like we might be reaching the climax of that. I feel like I am really digging deep, to find anything needing improvement.
There are a few places where your sentences need to be broken up with commas.
And your duologue is missing some punctuation;
‘Zoltar resented’ should be ‘Zoltar thought resentfully’
The descriptions you slipped in to portray how Zoltar’s imagination sees Felistia are great.
I also like what you have used as a reason for Emerald and Shiraku to stay behind. What will they do while Zoltar and Felista are in the ice kingdom? I wonder if Zoltar’s suspicions are founded. These questions you leave the readers with, create a suspense which keeps one engaged and requires me to demand that you post the next chapter ASAP!
Hi FerranWright. Thanks for the review. I am a little sorry to tell you that I am going to take a break from writing so that I can go back over the other chapters and fix them. You are right about the build up and I want to take some time to make sure I get it right.
ahhhhhhhhhhh! Sigh ok, waiting patiently. Going back is noble cause. Sigh.