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‘I’m just going to have to make a break for it,’ Zoltar thought, looking above him with wild eyes. If he gave enough power, he might just be able to break through the layer of branches above him and launch into the air, before the Highlang could find him.
What's still really baffling me is that they chose to land at all. They had a plan when they were in the air, and they obviously have an advantage in the air. I know exciting plot things have to happen, but I don't understand the logic of your characters.
The other thing I don't understand here is that so far Zoltar has been pretty good about thinking of others before he acts. He's a pretty good leader. But here, he's not thinking of the others at all. A threat is coming, and he has a plan of what he's going to do, but he isn't thinking about the others and their safety. Is he so overcome with flight or fight that he forgot about them? Is he confident they'll follow his lead or they'll be able to get away without his direction?
‘Shiraku and the others had better hurry up. I can’t keep this up for much longer,’ Zoltar thought, panting as he raced through the swamp.
He wants them to hurry up and do what? He didn't tell them what to do, and there isn't a plan for this situation. Is he expecting them to follow? Is this all part of their larger plan to get one of the scales? If so, outline that a little more clearly when they're talking about their plan in the air.
"I can't keep this up for much longer" - what is "this"? What is he keeping up? He's just flying, right? Is he also dodging and trying to deflect the Highlang away from the others?
Suddenly a flash of brilliant blue light lit up the marsh, illuminating the mud pools in a vivid glow. Zoltar was temporarily blinded as the flare hit him full in the snout. He struggled to stay aloft as his vision swam, flapping his wings in large arcs to prevent himself from falling into the mud below.
After a few seconds his vison cleared and Zoltar spun in the direction of his friends, his wings beating the pungent air.
What did this flash of light come from? And then once his vision clears, how does he know where his friends are?
This could be a good place to add in more of Zoltar's inner monologue and how he's reacting to all of this and what's going through his mind. And like I've mentioned in previous chapters, this can be in a describing way rather than a stating the thoughts way.
Hmm, exciting chapter and exciting little battle. I'm curious to see how they're going to get this scale they need now. One thing I'm struggling with a bit, and I mentioned this earlier, is the decision making and logic of the characters (especially Zoltar because this is his story and he's in charge). I don't always understand why he makes the decisions he does and why he does the things he does and since he's the MC, I want to know those things. I want to feel like I understand him. I think we're deep enough in this now that I should understand him. His characterization has definitely solidified as we've progressed and I feel like I know him better now than I did at the start, but some of his choices still kind of confuse me. I think more internal monologue and more processing would help. I've mentioned this in previous chapters, so I won't go into it again here, but this could be done through description and not with specific italicized thoughts. I just want in Zoltar's head more.
Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing, and I'll see you soon!
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