Quest for Fire ~ Chapter 18 ~ The Maze

The wet sand seeped over Zoltar’s paws as he stood on the desolate grey beach, staring at the towering pillars in front of him. Ghostly white mist twisted around the gnarled columns like sea serpents as the clumps of mussels gleamed like black ebony. The air was damp and cold, with the over powering stench of salt. Teal blue waves lapped at the beach, sucking at the pebble grey sand. Eerie wailing howls echoed through the maze, bouncing off the towering pillars of rock and into Zoltar’s keen ears.

He could hear the Fangtar’s angry roars echoing through the forest a few miles away. They had to hurry.

“Oooo. I don’t like this place,” Emerald shivered nervously as her scales shifted to a dappled mix of umber and granite grey spots.

"But it's just a bit of mist and I know the way through, so we won't get lost," Zoltar explained, cocking his head.

"Yes, but the Shang Fu are in there. They create the mist, so that my scales can't change colour. When I am in the maze I'm completely defenceless. I really don't want to go in," Emerald shivered, her scales now a rolling mass of lemon yellows and pearl greys.

“But you have too. The Fangtar don’t sound like the understanding type,” Zoltar pleaded, “I know you don’t want to go in, but we have to get through the maze to reach Megalonia,” Zoltar said, placing his wing on Emerald to comfort her and added while looking straight into her shaking eyes, “I promise I’ll protect you.”

Emerald smiled, but Zoltar could still see that she was worried. He knew that it was hard for her to go in there knowing that her scales would be useless, but she had no choice. It was either risk the maze or face the Fangtar’s fiery.

“What colour will your scales be when you enter the maze?” Zoltar asked, glancing around him.

“Grey,” Emerald replied, her voice shaking.

“Oh come on, it’ll be alright. There’s four of us, the chance that a Shang Fu will jump at you is slim,” Felistia said, trying to sound confident, "If anyone is going to get attacked, it's Shiraku with her ridiculously bright scales."

"Hey! I like my scales and I don't appreciate you making rude comments about them. Besides the Shang Fu wouldn't be able to see me if I could swim through the maze," Shiraku whined, trailing her talons in the shallow surf.

Zoltar rolled his eyes, this was the third time in the space of half an hour the sea talon had brought this up and it was really starting to drive him nuts, “For the last time Shiraku, you can’t swim in the water. The Shang Fu will drag you down and rip you to shreds like a pack of demented piranhas.”

Shiraku snorted, thrashing her tail and sending a shower of cold sea water over Zoltar while muttering, "I eat piranhas for breakfast."

Zoltar gritted his teeth. Shiraku was the bane of his life at the moment. Everything he said, she argued with. Honestly. Why couldn’t she just listen for once?

“Come on we best get going. Those Fangtar could burst in on us any moment now. Besides we should try to reach the continent before nightfall. Flying over the ocean at night isn't pleasant,” Zoltar said, thinking of the dangerous sea creatures springing from the watery depths as he spread his billowing black wings and leapt into the afternoon air. He could hear Emerald and the others following close behind as they travelled into the hazy pillars.

The dark ocean was still as crystal under their wings, not a ripple disturbed the perfect surface. Columns of rock appeared out of nowhere and Zoltar had to swerve violently to avoid flying into them. Their wing beats seemed far too loud and appeared to echo out into the mist.

“Halfway there,” Zoltar hissed as softly as he could over his shoulder. Felistia nodded and whispered it back to Emerald and Shiraku. Shiraku was strangely quiet and her deep blue eyes kept darted from the still water below to Zoltar and back again. All of them were on edge, waiting for something to break the deathly silence.

Emerald’s scales were ash grey and shimmered slightly in the dim light sifting through the swirling mist. Zoltar slowed down so that she could fly next to him. Her eyes were wide with terror and she was shaking slightly.

“It’s alright Emerald, I won’t let anything hurt you. If they try anything I’ll rip them to shreds and feed them to the fishes,” Zoltar growled, trying to ease Emerald's fear.

“Thanks Zoltar, but I can’t help being scared. Ever since I was a little dragonet I was taught to never to go near the maze. The Wisp Talons would sit together on moonlit nights and tell tales of the creatures in the maze, truly terrifying tales filled with pain and death. It’s in my nature to be scared of the maze,” Emerald replied, scanning the pillars with wild eyes.

Zoltar followed her gaze and stopped on something clinging to a far column. It was hard to spot in the haze, but as they neared there was no doubt about it, there was something there. He felt Emerald stiffen, she must have seen it too.

“It’s a Shang Fu,” she gasped, faltering in the air, “I just know it’s a Shang Fu.”

Zoltar hated to admit it, but it did look like one of those dreadful reptiles. Claws of terror started to scrape across his stomach and an urge to flee raced through his veins. 'No. Not again,' Zoltar shook himself, trying to keep his cool. He glanced back at the three dragons behind him. These were his friends and probably the only ones he'd ever have. They'd be helpless if he left them now and even if they did make it through the maze, they'd never trust him again. No. He had to stay with them and lead them through the mist.

“I don’t think it’s spotted us yet. If we fly around it I think we might be able to escape unnoticed,” Zoltar whispered to Emerald who looked quite pale with fright, “Guys,” Zoltar called quietly to the others, “Be as silent as possible.”

For a second Zoltar thought they hadn’t heard him, but then they nodded their heads and flew closer to him, almost gliding their wings beats were so small. Silent as ghosts the four dragons floated passed the still figure. Zoltar’s heart was in his throat and cold sweat streamed down his scales as he glided through the air.

Suddenly the Shang Fu snapped its crocodile head in their direction. Its yellow eyes burning holes through the mist like search lights.

“Get behind a pillar,” Zoltar hissed, his voice ringing with urgency. Everyone obeyed instantly, scrambling as quietly as possible for shelter. They ducked behind a large column and held their breath, clinging to the rough rock with trembling talons.

Zoltar’s heart drummed in his ears and he was shaking from nerves. Emerald next to him was looking quite faint with fright.

“Why don’t we attack it? There’s only one of them,” Shiraku hissed, peeping out from behind the pillar. Her eyes were gleaming with excitement and her tail was lashing back and forth like a whip.

“No,” Zoltar said firmly, dragging her back, “That’s a lookout. All the others are probably waiting for him to sound the alarm. One howl from that creature and the whole pack will come running. We’ll wait for him to look the other way, then we’ll keep moving.”

Shiraku fell silent, but her constant twitching and muttering told Zoltar she wasn’t happy about it.

For what seemed like hours they waited, jumping at every screech or splash, but eventually the Shang Fu shifted its menacing gaze away from them.

“Come on,” Zoltar whispered and gently leapt off the rock and swooped to the next pillar like a sugar glider. The other’s closely followed all except for Shiraku. She was still glaring at the Shang Fu from behind the pillar.

“Shiraku. Come on,” Zoltar hissed, almost beside himself with frustration. Why couldn’t that Sea Talon just follow an order? It wasn’t that hard.

Shiraku peered back at him and a goofy grin crossed her snout.

‘Oh no,” Zoltar’s heart nearly stopped. She wouldn’t.

Shiraku sprang out from behind the pillar, her scales alight in a blaring blue light. She reared back and a thundering roar escaped her outstretched jaws, “Come and get me you long nosed, squid breathed, seaweed eating baboon.”

The Fangtar nearly jumped out of its skin at the sudden appearance of a bright blue light shouting obnoxious insults at him. He was so stunned that he toppled off his perch on the pillar. There was a loud splash as he hit the black water below.

Shiraku was canning herself with laughter as Zoltar flew over and gave her a firm whack over the head.

“Shiraku. What were you thinking?” he yelled, “Now the rest of the Shang Fu will have been alerted and looking for us.”

“Oh, come on. Try to have a bit of fun. Those things couldn’t hurt us even if they tried,” Shiraku hissed, rolling her eyes.

“You know nothing about these creatures. You could have got yourself killed,” Zoltar roared, “What you did was irresponsible and could possible get us all killed if we don’t get out of here soon.”

A hurt look flashed across Shiraku’s face and she ducked her head. She remained silent and quietly followed Zoltar as he led the others through the maze at an incredible pace. Blood curdling howls filled the mist around them causing Zoltar’s heart to hammer in his throat.

Emerald was almost beside herself with fear and was starting to have trouble flying. She keep losing wing beats as she jumped at ever sound. Zoltar flew just ahead of her, hoping the wind coming off the edges of his wings would keep her in the air long enough for them to escape the maze.

The coils of mist were cold against their wings as they sped through the gnarled pillars, expecting a Shang Fu to jump out from every corner.

After a few agonizingly long minutes of racing through the mist Zoltar saw day light ahead, the warm glow bursting through the thick fog and calling them forward and out of danger.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review · Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:23 am

Happy Review Day, Felistia! Overall, this was a good chapter. There's just one thing I noticed at the beginning which wasn't mentioned in the other reviews, so I'll go over it.

The wet sand seeped over Zoltar’s paws as he stood on the desolate grey beach, staring at the towering pillars in front of him. Ghostly white mist twisted around the gnarled columns like sea serpents as the clumps of mussels gleamed like black ebony.
In my opinion, these descriptions are too 'long'. I would say too 'detailed', but I think they could stand alone and work fine. You see, are they are, there's too much for my imagination to paint into a picture at once. If you could split these descriptions into different sentences, I think I'd be able to focus on one or two things at a time. The scene would become a lot clearer, and hence more vivid. You do okay in the following lines:
The air was damp and cold, with the over powering stench of salt. Teal blue waves lapped at the beach, sucking at the pebble grey sand. Eerie wailing howls echoed through the maze, bouncing off the towering pillars of rock and into Zoltar’s keen ears.
Even still though, it might be more effective to shorten them.

The brilliant thing which stood out to be is your characterisation, and the different personalities you've got going. Zoltar was clearly the leader, officially recognised as one or not. “Shiraku. Come on,” Zoltar hissed, almost beside himself with frustration. He gives the majority of the orders, if the one everyone looks to, he's knowledegable... Zoltar has the typical leader traits. Emerald is young, inexperienced and innocent. “Grey,” Emerald replied, her voice shaking. I think she's the character that readers will be naturally drawn to rooting for. Without a doubt, Shiraku is both the comic-relief and a strong fighter. "Hey! I like my scales and I don't appreciate you making rude comments about them. Besides the Shang Fu wouldn't be able to see me if I could swim through the maze," Shiraku whined, trailing her talons in the shallow surf. She (she is a she, right?) has a bit of an attitude and is very sure of herself. Hey- I guess her scales are so colourful because she's so confident! Felistia blends into the background a little in this chapter. It might help to mention towards the end what she's doing. But, I can still see that she's the type who's keeping it all together for everyone else. “Oh come on, it’ll be alright. There’s four of us, the chance that a Shang Fu will jump at you is slim,” Felistia said, trying to sound confident, "If anyone is going to get attacked, it's Shiraku with her ridiculously bright scales." She adds a light-heartedness to her scenes.

Hopefully that in-depth analysis of your characters was helpful and I'm not just telling you things you already know. :D

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Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:48 am

Hey there, I'm back again. :D

So... I hate to be really nitpicky, but do they really have to fly through the maze? Couldn't they fly around it, or if that would take too long, over it? Being able to fly means you can pretty much pick your travel route. I think you could get away with making them fly through the maze if either they a) were being chased by Fangtars and had to try to lose them or b) they were trying to avoid detection. You could probably have Zoltar specifically say/think that that's why they're flying through the maze.

“Thanks Zoltar, but I can’t help being scared. Ever since I was a little dragonet I was taught to never to go near the maze. The Wisp Talons would sit together on moonlit nights and tell tales of the creatures in the maze, truly terrifying tales filled with pain and death. It’s in my nature to be scared of the maze,”

I felt like this was overkill. People don't usually say things like "It's in my nature to be scared of x" I think just saying she was taught never to go near it would be more powerful. You don't need to over-explain - the reader can infer a lot, and in daily conversation *so* much is left to inference from tone of voice, etc. Less is more, especially in dialogue.

The Fangtar nearly jumped out of its skin

I think you meant the Shang Fu here. This confused me for a while because I thought for some reason there were Fangtars already in the maze.

long nosed, squid breathed, seaweed eating baboon.”

Small grammar thing - all those word pairs are adjectives, so they should have a dash instead of a space between them.

I liked how Emerald's scales kind of change color with her mood. It's a good way to get a bit of description in there.

I feel like Zoltar's becoming a bit of a leader here. He's the one that persuades everyone to go out and leads them through, and he does it well. It's really cool to watch his character develop like that. One thing I would say, though, is that I feel like while it's obvious Shiraku is resistant to his leadership, I feel like Felistia would/will be too. Not to the point of defying him over stupid things like Shiraku does, but she definitely wouldn't be willing to just take orders from him. I feel like Emerald would be the most willing to go along with him.

Also, what about getting the item they need from the island? I thought there's supposed to be an item here they need to get. Maybe they'll just have to come back :P

And that's all I've got for this part! I'm really liking how this is going, and the team dynamic you're developing.

Thanks for all your review. I'm sorry I haven't been replying much lately. Life's got a bit busy.

On the subject of the maze, it encircles the island, so they can't go around. I did put that on the map, but you might not have got the notification I sent regarding the second map. It's in chapter 8.

I should probably put in that Zoltar would want to go through the maze to lose the Fangtar. That's a good idea. :D

About the item they need from the island (this is another thing I completely forgot to put into Zoltar's thoughts. Oops) The thing is a Wisp Talon scale and Zoltar's planning to ask Emerald for one near the end of the quest. I think it would be to soon to have him ask now. I think the relationship should build a bit first.

I'm currently editing previous chapters and writing more so the next few chapters could be a little while. I do hope you'll carry on following the story. Would you like me to notify you each time I publish another chapter?

Thank again for the review and I hope you have lovely day. :D

Ah, awesome! All that stuff makes a lot more sense. And it's totally okay that you haven't been replying. :P

And yes! Do please tag me when more chapters come out.

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Raindeer
Review

Hey there, Felistia! EternalRain here for a review (I apologize if it's not top notch, I'm just getting back into reviewing - I'm a bit rusty). So, I haven't read any of your previous chapters and decided to just jump in to review this work since it's still hanging out in the green room.

I've read some of your works before and I must say the thing that always seems to stand out as extraordinary in your writing is the imagery! The first paragraph was very nice to read and I could imagine it very well. Your other descriptions - especially of the dragons - were just marvelous. I especially love this sentence, that describes Emerald's anxiety:

Emerald shivered nervously as her scales shifted to a dappled mix of umber and granite grey spots.


Really pretty ^-^

I'm not completely sure what's going on in this chapter, but it seems as if the four dragons are trying to sneak up on the enemy (Shang Fu) or invade his territory. There's also this conflict between Shiraku and Zoltar that I noticed - the tension between them was pretty clear, and I'm sure it may be important later on to the plot or their character development.

So, there were clearly four dragons (Emerald, Zoltar, Shiraku, and Felistia) but I think Felistia didn't get so much time in this! Especially just jumping into it, I thought it was only Zoltar and Emerald together at the start- which I suppose could be cleared up by reading the previous chapter, but maybe it gives you something to think about! And maybe Felistia just didn't get so much "time" in it because she wasn't that progressive this chapter, so maybe that's a reason as well.

Another thing I noticed was the use of adverbs. Generally they can make writing "less descriptive". So, instead of using adverbs, you can either 1) cut them out completely or 2) remove them and replace them with a more descriptable, suitable phrase/word.

For example:

“No,” Zoltar said firmly


1) "No," Zoltar said...

2) "No," Zoltar said, his tone hard (or some other description). Omitting the adverbs gives an opportunity to add more details and show and not tell! Of course, writing with adverbs is fine, it's just something to think of.

I hope this helps you out! Sorry I haven't read the previous chapters, but I hope it was still helpful. <3

~EternalRain

Thank you for the review. It gave me something to think about. :D

P.s All the other chapter are in the green room apart from the first chapter. :D

Oh my gosh, I didn't even realize xD Maybe I should backtrack and read them all. Thanks for letting me know!



A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde