The moon was just showing its shining face above the mountains, bathing the forest in eerie silver light. The shadows were long and twisted under the trees. Owls blinked their large eyes at Zoltar as he walked past, causing him to shiver in fear.
The sounds of the night creatures were all around him as Zoltar hauled himself after Emerald as she climbed up a carved out of a tree and onto the wooden bridge. The bridge was in good condition and had fruit vines winding around the rope railings. Silver Moon Flowers bloomed on and around the bridge. Their petals glittered in the moon light as Zoltar walked through the dark Wisp Talon village silent as a ghost. He could hear gentle snoring coming from some of the dangling huts. The houses looked similar to a weaver bird’s nest with a hole in the side for dragons to climb into the hut. Strong twisted vines dangled from the trees and were knitted into the huts vine walls, securing them to the trees branches.
“Don’t make a sound,” Emerald hissed as they crept through the village.
Zoltar nodded. The fewer Wisp Talons they met the better chance of getting away cleanly. He still didn’t know how they were going to gather supplies from the village and get away without someone seeing them.
Suddenly Emerald froze beside him, her muscles tense. Zoltar followed the direction of her eyes.
Two Wisp Talons were sitting on a branch a few feet above the wooden bridge on which they were standing. Their long snake like necks were stretched towards the full moon and waves of gold and silver were rippling over their scales.
It was Zoltar’s turn to freeze. He’d know that this was going to happen. Now what? How were they going to pass without the Wisp Talons seeing them? There was no way he and Emerald would pass off as a couple.
Emerald slowly inched forward, taking the outmost care not to make a noise. Zoltar followed suit as he gently placed his paws just were her’s had been. They were almost there. Just a few more steps and they could duck behind one of the huts. Without warning one of the boards Emerald had just laid her paw on let out a groaning creak.Zoltar’s blood turned to ice. He could feel Emeralds ridged tail twined with his. One of the Wisp Talons ears had flickered and the dragon was slowly turning his head to stare straight at them.
“Don’t say a word. Just act casual. Remember they think we’re partners,” Emerald hissed just loud enough for him to hear. She pretended to giggle at him, but her eyes betrayed her true intention.
Zoltar smiled back at her, playing along as the two started to walk under the Wisp Talons branch.
“Hey. You two,” one of the Wisp Talons shouted and Zoltar couldn’t help, but flinch slightly.
The Wisp Talons landed with a thump making the bridge sway. They were about a head taller than Zoltar and stared down on him.
“Ah…hi,” Zoltar instantly regretted opening his mouth as Emerald shot him a look dripping with the word shut up. He shrugged apologetically. He couldn’t help it.
The expressions on the Wisp Talons remained hard as steel as if waiting for the two to give an explanation to why they were here.
“Guys, can’t you just once let me into the village without springing on me?” Emerald hissed with surprising confidence.
Zoltar could help, but raise his eye brows. He’d know she was gutsy, but this was completely nuts.
“But sis, you know that we don’t like it when you stay out late. Things happen out there after dark, especially with that thing running around,” The larger of the two Wisp Talon’s objected. The other one nodded in agreement.
Again Zoltar was taken by surprise. Sister? These where Emerald’s brothers?
“I recognise your concerns, but I can look after myself quite well thank you very much,” Emerald snapped back, “Now if you’ll excuse me I have some things I need to attend to.” and with that she march on up the bridge closely followed by an astounded Zoltar.
After her brothers were out of sight and hearing range, Emerald stopped and turned to Zoltar, “Sorry about that. I should have remembered that they’d be on watch tonight. Brothers. Always interfering where they shouldn’t.”
“Oh no. That’s fine. You seemed to have quite a handle on it,” Zoltar replied, still taken aback. He shivered. There was a cold breeze brushing though the forest, rustling through the leaves and swirling over his scales.
“We should hurry. Who knows what’s hanging around the village. The sooner we leave the better,” Emerald scurried on up the bridge, heading for one of the moonlit huts on the far end of the village. Primroses clung to the leafy walls, glowing a sun yellow in the night air.
“I’ll get the supplies. You wait outside and don’t talk to anyone,” Emerald instructed, ducking into the hut.
Zoltar turned around to face the path once more. It was about midnight and the moon was high in the indigo sky, bathing the village in a spooky silver glow. Shadows danced over the silent walkways and huts, giving the illusion of dark creatures leaping among the moon light. Rasping calls echoed through the forest beyond along with the squeals of some unknown animal.
Zoltar’s heart nearly jumped into his throat as a large winged creature flew overhead emanating a series of high pitched clicks and whistles. A soft rustle from behind him made him swing around. He breathed a deep sigh of relief when he saw that it was Emerald. Her scales were a shimmering night blue with swirls of silver as she leapt from the hut’s entrance.
“Here’s everything we need,” she explained laying a pile of objects on the bridge. She started packing fruits and other objects into a brown poach around her neck, “Where’s that slab of rock you were carrying around? It can fit in here as well.”
“Oh, it’s right here,” Zoltar reached behind his wings and pulled the tablet from a small groove in his scales. He’d been wondering where he’d keep it. Emerald slipped that into the bag as well.
“What’s that for,” Zoltar asked, pointing to the last remaining object on the bridge. It looked like a fruit of some kind, but it smelled far from appetizing. It reminded him of the sulphur pools back in the Shadow Lands.
“It’s for your wings. It’ll fix them up in a jiffy,” Emerald said, slitting the fruit down the middle with one swipe of her claws. Black goo oozed from the fruits core.
“Now hold on a second, what do I have to do with that? I’m most certainly not going to eat that,” Zoltar started to back away. There was no way he was putting that in his mouth.
“Don’t be stupid. It’s an ointment. You’re supposed to rub it onto your wings silly.”
“Oh,” Zoltar muttered, feeling a little sheepish as he took half of the fruit from her.
“Here let me help you,” Emerald hissed exasperated, after watching Zoltar fumble with his wings for a few seconds.
Zoltar quickly past her the fruit and remanded silent as she quickly rubbed down both of his wings. Despite her frustration at his clumsiness, she was surprisingly gentle when handling his wings. A soothing coolness spread over his shoulders and wings putting a sharp stop to the gnawing pain.
“There. All done,” Emerald sighed, stepping back, “How do you feel?”
“Great,” Zoltar exclaimed after flexing his wings. It was as though nothing had ever happened.
“Good. Now let’s get out of here. We’ve already stayed too long,” Emerald hissed, spreading her cobalt wings and sprang into the tree tops. After retrieving the pouch, Zoltar followed her in a less than graceful fashion.
Finally after pushing their way through the maze of branches and leaves they reached the top of the forest canopy. After taking a quick look around for danger, Emerald leapt skywards instantly changing her scales from a shimmering cobalt to a deep black speckled with stars. Zoltar cringed at first as he flew after Emerald, half expecting a dagger of pain down his neck, but once he realized that there wasn’t any discomfort he relaxed. He had to adjust his flying pattern a bit to counteract the rip in his wing, but other than that his wing's felt normal.
Suddenly a memory rushed through his head; the stone tablet. He'd completely forgotten to have a look at it.
He whisked it out of the pouch hanging from his neck. It was chipped in a few places and had some dirt marks, but he could read it just fine. He cringed as he read the list. A Wisp Talon scale, the Thunder Opal from the Ice Kingdom, a golden coral branch from Kingdom of the Sea and a feather from a Flaktar. All these things were going to be almost impossible to get...unless he could persuade Shiraku and Felistia to come with him. They could help with at least two of the things and best of all they didn't even like their own tribes. They'd been thrown out. Maybe he could use this to his advantage. He'd have to wait for the Wisp Talon scale though. Maybe Emerald would give him on if he waited to tell her about it. Right now seemed to soon.
Through the night they flew silent as ghosts against the starry sky. They only stopped once to catch something to eat before setting off again.
As they traveled, Zoltar kept staring at the moon way up in the vast starlit sky, studying the craters potting its surface. He knew that it was strange, but he kind of missed the way the moon glowed red in the shadow lands and how the sparks from the fires dotting the landscape seemed to dance in its light.
Sighing, Zoltar tried to calm is shaking nerves. Right now life just seemed so full of worries, a raging fire with no end in sight. Funnily enough the only one that he was thinking about at the moment was the fact that he didn't know where Felistia and Shiraku were. What if they were out in the forest looking for him? What if the Exltron found any of them? What would happen then? Just thinking about it caused cold fear wrapped its self around Zoltar's chest.
Zoltar knew he'd just met them and shouldn't be worrying about them so much. What he really should have been stressing about was the fact that the future of the whole Shadow Talon tribe was resting in his paws, but for some reason he didn't care as much for the Shadow Talons as he newly found friends. With them he felt wanted or at least didn't feel like they were pushing him away. Deep inside he had feelings for them; warm feelings.
Staring up at the moon, Zoltar sighed. He'd have to wait for tomorrow to see if they were okay.
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Hey felistia! Another review day review for you~
Oops, so I remember from two chapters ago I had said that I was confused as to why they were going to the Wisp Talon village because it seemed like Zoltar wasn't supposed to be there. So, this chapter clearly explains that!
I have to agree with Mea, though: I would love more information about the village. We get the details of the huts at the beginning (which is lovely), but it doesn't feel like enough. That's a lot of information to take in, and it's surely not a bad thing, but adding some details later on in the chapter could help too! For example, when Zoltar's just waiting for Emerald to get the ointment, he could be glancing around and more description could be added there.
This is kind of small, but I'll say it anyway. It kind of is weird how Zoltar immediately just gives her the tablet? I mean, I'm sure he trusts her, but he'd have to trust her a lot. Plus, he went through all that trouble to get it and tore up his wings and everything. I doubt she's going to betray him (she seems good), but even having Zoltar think twice about giving her the tablet would feel a bit more realistic.
I love this so much. I'm really starting to love Zoltar more - he's very sweet! Zoltar is definitely growing on me as a character. I think Felistia is still my favorite, though.
~EternalRain
Hello, hello! I like this part.
Okay, so I really like the eerie mood you set up here, but I will say one thing - verbs! Stronger verbs would make this description better and contribute to the mood more. Things like saying "The shadows twisted" instead of "The shadows were twisted." It makes things feel more alive. You start doing it later on, but this first paragraph could use that bit of tightening.
Ah, I get it now. They mostly only needed to sneak in to get the ointment for Zoltar. But if that's the case, why couldn't Emerald have just gone in by herself and gotten it? Also, the way they just duck in and out kind of threw me off, because before it seemed like they were planning to spend the night in the village. More importantly (and I know I already said this), unless that ointment is magical, Zoltar really shouldn't have been able to fly that quickly. Like, maybe it gets rid of the pain, but his wings are still damaged and flying would make them worse.
Also, here is where it would be a good time to show how big the village is, to demonstrate that no, not everybody knows everybody else. (Or else Emerald's brothers would've asked who Zoltar is.) In general, it really would be nice to get more description of the village, so we can start to understand what villages are like for dragons who don't live in caves. And I feel like it's something Zoltar would be interested in, so he would be looking around and noticing these things.
I thought these lines felt just a little bit out of character. While I feel like the tone is right, the words are more formal than I'd expect Emerald to say.
I really liked the part at the end when Zoltar is just thinking as he flies. I think it's really sweet that he cares about Felista and Shiraku that much, and it shows how he's developed already since the story began.
And that's all I've got for this part!
Hello, felistia! I am, as you can see, here to review.
I made the mistake of thinking Zoltar and Emerald were human beings but lo, and behold, they are dragons!
I have not read any of your previous chapters and just jumped straight into this, so I am a little confused about some things but that's not your fault AT ALL.
Spoiler
I love your use of imagery in here, especially the first sentence. You did mention the moon an awful lot but I didn't notice any harm in that. Zoltar's and Emerald's personalities were, in my opinion, very clear and unmistakable. Bossy girl and clueless guy. Not uncommon, my friend. I also found it amusing how near the end you mentioned a character named "Felistia" - your username! xD Honestly, the only problems I had here were the grammatical errors. (The only things persuading me to review!) I'll show you a few.
Know should be known . You made this mistake quite often, actually; its not SUPER important and major and going to be the end of the world if you don't correct it but... grammar errors are a HUGE pet peeve of mine.
And again...
Besides the fact the and should be capitalized, march should be marched .
We got two issues here. Past should be passed and remanded corrected to remained .
This is a question, so it needs a question mark... *insert ?*
Here we have two COMPLETELY different tenses. Sprang should be springing if you want the sentence structured correctly.
Correction: "Just thinking about it caused cold fear to wrap its self around Zoltar's chest."
Again - not OHMYGOSHWHAT but this should say: as his newly-found friends. Also: this sentence that I stole from seemed much too long to me. I'd suggest shortening it up a bit.
I did notice you have a tendency for repetition in sentences, dragging them out...
I'm not going to tell you what to do here but I found one too many as es here. (Did I even spell that right?)
Overall, I found this a peculiar story, but very similar to many other fantasy books I've read. I hope this review helped somewhat (when I said "I'll show you a few", I was not expecting that many!) and good luck to all your future works!
-TheKid