Hello again!
“Why would I tell you? Now get off me you lousy Wisp Talon before you make me do something nasty,” Zoltar hissed crossly, wriggling to get his tail barb loose
How does he know its a wisp talon? Last I checked he was where the shadow talons died and one is unaccounted for, so I would have assumed it was the missing shadow talon. With this dragon on his back, how does he know?
Also, I was a little surprised by Zoltar's attitude. I would have guess he would have been more scared and less telling this attacker what to do. For all he knows this dragon is about to kill him.
Was it just him or did he feel as though there was more in that statement than she was letting on?
And like my comment above, how does he know this dragon attacker is a she? The other dragon is still on his back right? Does he know by her voice or some other way?
How could she be the same dragon that had attacked him a week ago?
Whoa whoa whoa wait what??? The same dragon that attacked him a week ago?
I don't remember that attack (there have been so many attacks :p). Did he realize this the second he turned around or did he know as soon as she attacked him? I would like more of his thoughts and that wonderful inner monologue as he realizes this.
I was the only one to escape.” Anger surged through Zoltar’s veins as he remember the dreadful day.Maybe she was one of the Wisp Talons that had been in the attack.
ooooooooooh that attack!! Now I remember The way it's worded above it sounds like he means this exact wisp talon attacked him before, but I don't think that's what you meant. I think you meant wisp talons in general. Maybe I just read it wrong before, but you might want to clarify that a little bit.
We’ve been trying to get rid of them for centuries,” The Wisp Talon sagged to the ground, curling her tail over her talons. Her scales had faded to a cloud grey, “I’m sorry that they hurt you. I would have tried to stop them if I could. We never wanted it to be this way.”
Who's "we"? The other wisp talons? How have they been trying to get rid of the leaders? And how could this wisp talon possibly have stopped them during that attack? You don't have to answer all of these questions at this exact second in the dialogue, but they're just things I'm curious about
I appreciated getting to learn more about the wisp talons and I liked this interesting little plot twist about the wisp talons not quite being so bad. It's a nice addition to this draft! Because now it becomes so much more than just a fantasy/adventure story. There's a big moral dilemma now and I'm super curious to see how Zoltar is going to handle it!
I wish we could have gotten the dragon's name, but it's also okay that you didn't include it, especially if this is the only time the dragon will appear. The warning about not going out after dark was interesting to me too, because I have a vague memory of someone else telling Zoltar that (although I can't remember who...) I'm guessing it has something to do with the Exltron, and I also have feeling at some point Zoltar will not heed this advice...
Looking forward to reading more as always, and in the meantime feel free to let me know if you have any questions or if there's something you'd like feedback about that I didn't already mention!
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