Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Humor

E - Everyone

On The Spot

by Horisun


I have to rhyme,

Keep in time,

Thinking things on the spot.

Slamming my keyboard,

Not 'cause I'm bored,

Simply 'cause I like to write.

Grammer? Whates that?

I use no format!

Though, that's not the best idea.

No naysayer will destroy my dreams,

Remember, after Writers Block, writing is like a stream.

Flowing freely, maybe randomly.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
25 Reviews


Points: 159
Reviews: 25

Donate
Thu Sep 05, 2019 3:32 pm
26Gemini wrote a review...



Yep, Gem crawled out of her Jewelrybox with a short review just for you. XD

Okay let's get to it.

I think this is a really good poem, I like the rhyme scheme from the start. In the beginning of the poem you start off with a really good rhyme scheme, but you began to lose that flow, I think it's because you rhymed some of the words in the beginning then it abruptly breaks off, but it didn't affect the meaning behind the poem, writers block is a complete plague to be honest it has happened to me several times over the summer. I guess I got over it in a way by starting my new more tantalizing book, but maybe I just avoided it. :p That was the only thing I saw that was wrong/different with your poem. (I really don't think it is wrong it is just very abrupt.) Thank you for writing this poem it makes me happy to see more works popping up here and there.

That is all I can say, I'm glad I got read and review this work. I hope I will get to read more like this soon. I hope you get over your writers block and keep writing.

Have a nice day.

And with that Gem hops back into the Jewelrybox.




User avatar
542 Reviews


Points: 30484
Reviews: 542

Donate
Thu Sep 05, 2019 11:50 am
View Likes
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello it's me again FlamingPhoenix with a short review for you on this lovely night again. XD

Okay let's get to it shall we.

So I think this is a really good poem, everything works really well, but I have a little something to say that you can just push aside if you don't agree.
I the beginning of the poem you start off with a really good flow, and as I read further into the poem you began to lose that flow, I think it's because you rimed some of the words in the beginning. But it began to feel a little off, but it didn't affect the meaning be hind the poem which I can really relate to, writers block happens to me all the time to be honest it has happened to me right now. But like you said you always bounce pack and it's like a dream again. I really do agree with that.

Anyway that's all from me, I'm glad I got to yet again read another one of your works. I hope I will get to read more like this soon. I hope you have an amazing day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Image




User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 499
Reviews: 12

Donate
Thu Sep 05, 2019 6:31 am
riotheselcouth wrote a review...



Hi Horison, I'm Riothe. Here's a quick critism about your piece.

First your let's talk about your title.What about your title is? When I first read your title, it seems like a simple one coz of the words "On the Spot", there's many things comes out inside my mind and one this is,"is this a kind of poem that literally on the spot you write". So what? so i decide to read the piece of yours.

"I have to rhyme,

Keep in time,

Thinking things on the spot.

Slamming my keyboard," —these lines said that you feel a writer's block,difficult to write rather.I just want to say that u have a rhyme, every poet has a rhyme, all you need is to appreciate it,your piece.

" Not 'cause I'm bored,

Simply 'cause I like to write.

Grammer? Whates that?

I use no format!"—it is what we called free line poems.

"Though, that's not the best idea.

No naysayer will destroy my dreams,

Remember, after Writers Block, writing is like a stream.

Flowing freely, maybe randomly." —here, i just want to say again that u should keep your pen's up! yes, you're right, don't let them to destroy your dream. fight for it.

—riothe selcouth 🍂




User avatar
412 Reviews


Points: 65938
Reviews: 412

Donate
Thu Sep 05, 2019 1:35 am
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there horsiun! Tuck swinging by for a quick review!

Thinking things on the spot.
I think this would make more sense if you said "thinking things up on the spot"

Grammer? Whates that?
The correct grammar here would be "what's that", but it would be beautifully ironic if you said "Whats that" to prove your point. Basically, at the least, get rid of the 'e'.

Overall, I liked how the beginning was short and simple, showing some of the urgency with the idea. It started as if the writer was pressed for time, writing to meet a quota and then it did a little bit of a turnaround, or at least took a twist from what I was anticipating. That's not at all a bad thing, though! It just defied my expectations.

One suggestion I have for you is to use some more description and imagery in your poems so that it engages more senses and connects the reader to the point. It felt somewhat dry, in my opinion, and didn't stir many emotions in me. I think using more similes, metaphors, descriptions, and images in your poem would help it come to life and generate more of an emotional response from the reader.

On a similar note, I disliked the use of the simile you did use. I know that's somewhat counterproductive since I just encouraged you to use similes, but I found it to be an inaccurate comparison. While streams do flow freely, they don't move randomly; they have a set pattern, a course, predictability, etc. It didn't really line up correctly, and it almost weakened your poem rather than strengthening it.

I hope this review was helpful to you in pointing out some areas where you could improve, and if you have any questions, just let me know! I apologize if this came across as harsh, as that was not my intention; I simply wanted to provide you with my impressions and suggestions for improvement.

All my best,
Tuck




User avatar
846 Reviews


Points: 25462
Reviews: 846

Donate
Mon Sep 02, 2019 3:17 pm
View Likes
alliyah wrote a review...



Aha, well it looks like we've got another Writer's Block poem ~ it's a popular category of poetry - I've even written a few myself in previous years. Although just because a topic's been written about before doesn't mean it can't still be entertaining, fresh, & creative. Take good ol' Bill Shakespeare for instance - so many of his sonnets are about relationships and love, but often that's just a framework or trope that he uses to communicate other interesting themes. Let's take a look at what you wrote.

Grammar
So you're doing a little ironic twist by saying you're not using grammar in your poetry, and then doing that - > I think the execution's a bit off though. Spelling isn't really "grammar" -> grammar is more punctuation and sentence structure, and your grammar is fairly good in this poem, the spelling is just not good. The issue is although you might get a couple points for being funny by mis-spelling things, you're also going to lose some in clarity, and a few people will think it's not intentional.

Spelling issues: "Grammer"->"Grammar", "Whates"->"What's", "Writers"->"Writer's".

I would say if you want to use grammatical issues to be dramatic or humorous, you need to commit to it a bit more, and not just use bad spelling, but instead have actual sentences that have major grammar issues, make it more apparent and purposeful.

I have no issue with poetry that is not grammatically conventional, free-verse has freedom and gets to play with the "rules" of prose writing in order to convey meaning more clearly. However it has to be done purposefully, because the reason we have grammatical rules in the first place is so reader's aren't distracted and can understand things consistently.

Meaning
I understood the meaning of this poem to be both word-vomit - kind of stream of consciousness writing to give the reader an idea of the author's writing process, and then also a point that poetry can be produced from even writer's block because it's an organic free-flowing process. I think the second point is more unique/interesting personally, and I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on how poetry produces itself which you sort of get into in the second half of the poem.

Creativity
So far, I'm not seeing very many creative points in this poem to bring it to the next level. Some of it's good points are where you use poetic elements like imagery where you describe typing by "slamming on the keyboard" and metaphor in the last two lines where you describe poem writing to be "like a stream". These pieces have the potential to delve into a more vivid description of what your describing, but you sort of mention both in a line, and don't really develop either moment. I think to bring this poem to the next level you could dig a little deeper into your imagery & metaphors; extend and draw them out to create a lasting picture in the reader's mind. For poems that tackle fairly ordinary & popular topics, it takes that little bit of extra work to make them not cliche and interesting, by developing your use of poetic device I think you'll really amplify your poetry, not just in this poem but in all of your writing.

Hopefully that gives you some areas to work on. One thing I didn't mention, is I though your word-choice and voice were very present and consistent in this piece -it made the poem sound more natural and not robotic or devoid of emotion, so that was a good touch!

Keep writing!

~alliyah

Image




User avatar
13 Reviews


Points: 954
Reviews: 13

Donate
Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:11 pm
View Likes
Riellehn wrote a review...



This is an excellent poem! It has good rhythm, and good rhyme, and those together are often difficult for writers of poetry to manage; it's something I've seen many, as well as myself, struggle with.
Of course, the cheeky little joke in the line "Grammer? Whates that?" did not go unnoticed!
Overall, the poem undoubtedly worked as intended, capturing the feel of writing just for the sake of writing. The only nitpick I have is the line "Remember, after Writer's Block, writing is like a stream" as it is quite lengthy, and broken up into three parts, which does make the rhythm fall apart a little near the end (I personally would propose removing "remember," as then the line is only broken into two parts rather than three; fixes the rhythm).
All in all, definitely a good poem!
^-^




User avatar
509 Reviews


Points: 469
Reviews: 509

Donate
Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:07 pm
View Likes
Magestorrow wrote a review...



Hey there, Horisun! The premise of your poem looked interesting, so I thought I'd try my hand at reviewing it.

Literature that defies the rules of literature while also making of said rules are always some of my favorite works to read, and this poem is no exception! I love how you'll make points and then quickly go against them - mentioning grammar and misspelling everything in the line, or breaking the rhyming scheme of the poem with your hesitance over the lack of formatting.

Because of the subject of your poem, any flaws can be attributed to the style instead of calling them weaker points. Still, I think there's some areas you can work on a little if you really want to have the fun message of the poem sink in, and they shouldn't take long to change.

One of the lines that stuck out to me was the following one:

Thinking things on the spot.


You do have a nice reference to the poem's title in it, but dropping the rhyme here weakens the poem later on when you claim you don't have a format. I think you should either change the first line where it doesn't match a rhyme scheme, or leave it and edit the format line so it goes against the format in another way - like by changing it so it's all lowercase instead of being properly capitalized.

The other line that stuck out to me is this one:

Remember, after Writers Block, writing is like a stream.


It mainly stuck out to me because you didn't use an apostrophe after in "Writers" but now it sticks out because of the capitalization of writer's block. It doesn't match the same rebuttal you've been using in previous lines, so the comment falls flat in comparison to what came before it. If you want a more memorable ending, I would suggest either going all out with it or discarding the capitalization.

(If you want to make it really funny, you could make a joke about suddenly getting writer's block - like cutting off in the middle of "stream" and have that be the end of your poem.)

But, besides those little areas, I really did love your poem! Let me know if you have any questions about my review, and happy #RevMo !

Image




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 724
Reviews: 11

Donate
Sat Aug 31, 2019 3:02 am
View Likes
AndName wrote a review...



Helllllo,

I love this! This is how I feel like when I'm staring at my keyboard (though usually I'm more leaning towards wanting to erase everything one by one...) And when I do poetry I never use any formatting and I can't rhyme at all :( I really like the rhyming in this by the way, it sounds natural and flows in a hip sort of way (I would even go so far as rap). I liked how you put writers block in there because it's a real struggle, but maybe work it in there a different way? It sort of stands out and makes the next line seem cheesy.
Anyway. Over all great poem.

AndName





I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.
— Richard Siken