There's growling beneath my bed.
And a shadow shaped like a head.
I know if I look down, I'll see an undead.
So I'll just try to sleep instead.
There's a creature of evil in my room.
I close my eyes, and await my doom.
Beneath me, it will always loom,
Scared, for now, by car booms.
I peer into the darkened shadows,
Wherever I looks, the monster follows,
Three giant ears and a large nose,
Five mouths, one eye, and a brow that glows.
Nothing will sate the monsters hunger,
So I simply glare down under,
My eyes adjust, I realize my blunder,
Beneath the top bunk is my friend Carter.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
This is funny! I bet Carter snores like a monster lol.All this time worrying about a scary monster under their bed and it turns out to be the kid’s friend! When I was younger,I thought the boogeyman from the Nightmare before Christmas and rise of the guardians were hiding under my bed together.Both terrified me lol.I hope you have a lovely and amazing day and night!
LOL!! Oh my goodness I'm dead!! I love how dark and ominous the whole poem is made to seem all for it to actually just be a kid in bunk beds with their friend! Brilliant.
The name Carter also almost breaks the rhyme scheme and it honestly just makes the whole thing funnier.
The same rhyme used in each stanza also brings a lightness to the dark atmosphere of the poem that I think works really really well with the final humorous tone of the whole poem.
I do think that for the line "I know if I look down, I'll see an undead." It may be better to change 'an undead' to 'the undead.' IDK 'an undead just sounds really odd to me and 'the undead' sounds much better.
Also in the line, "Wherever I looks, the monster follows," you need to knock off the 's' on the word 'looks'.
... Ok I think thats it. This was SO FUN to read!! I really enjoyed it! Thanks so much for sharing and stay stunning!!
Hewwo @Horison! @NastyMajesty poppin' in for a review, nice to meetcha!
I'm guessing you meant that the cars were being loud outside xD? Maybe something like thunder booms would work better? Anyways, that's about my only critique for this poem, otherwise amazing job! I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!LOL I saw a meme like this once where it said somethin' like "mommy there's a monster under my bed" but it was a bunk bed and it was the kid's brother. This really cracked me up so kudos to you for managing to make such a great twist at the end of the poem xD. I was just a little confused about this line:
Oh, yeah, I like "Thunder Booms" much better! Thank you for the review, and it's nice to meet you too!
YW!
Okay the last lines really got me,your friend Carter should read this...lol