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Monster Beneath My Bed

by Horisun


There's growling beneath my bed. 
And a shadow shaped like a head. 
I know if I look down, I'll see an undead. 
So I'll just try to sleep instead. 

There's a creature of evil in my room.
I close my eyes, and await my doom.
Beneath me, it will always loom,
Scared, for now, by car booms.

I peer into the darkened shadows, 
Wherever I looks, the monster follows,
Three giant ears and a large nose,
Five mouths, one eye, and a brow that glows. 

Nothing will sate the monsters hunger,
So I simply glare down under,
My eyes adjust, I realize my blunder,
Beneath the top bunk is my friend Carter.


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10 Reviews


Points: 46
Reviews: 10

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Fri Nov 20, 2020 3:11 am
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Wallflower23 wrote a review...



LOL!! Oh my goodness I'm dead!! I love how dark and ominous the whole poem is made to seem all for it to actually just be a kid in bunk beds with their friend! Brilliant.

The name Carter also almost breaks the rhyme scheme and it honestly just makes the whole thing funnier.

The same rhyme used in each stanza also brings a lightness to the dark atmosphere of the poem that I think works really really well with the final humorous tone of the whole poem.

I do think that for the line "I know if I look down, I'll see an undead." It may be better to change 'an undead' to 'the undead.' IDK 'an undead just sounds really odd to me and 'the undead' sounds much better.

Also in the line, "Wherever I looks, the monster follows," you need to knock off the 's' on the word 'looks'.

... Ok I think thats it. This was SO FUN to read!! I really enjoyed it! Thanks so much for sharing and stay stunning!!




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47 Reviews


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Thu Nov 19, 2020 9:22 pm
NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hewwo @Horison! @NastyMajesty poppin' in for a review, nice to meetcha!
LOL I saw a meme like this once where it said somethin' like "mommy there's a monster under my bed" but it was a bunk bed and it was the kid's brother. This really cracked me up so kudos to you for managing to make such a great twist at the end of the poem xD. I was just a little confused about this line:

Scared, for now, by car booms.
I'm guessing you meant that the cars were being loud outside xD? Maybe something like thunder booms would work better? Anyways, that's about my only critique for this poem, otherwise amazing job! I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!
:D




Horisun says...


Oh, yeah, I like "Thunder Booms" much better! Thank you for the review, and it's nice to meet you too!



NastyMajesty says...


YW!



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31 Reviews


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Reviews: 31

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Thu Nov 19, 2020 4:41 pm
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thepages says...



Okay the last lines really got me,your friend Carter should read this...lol





I don't care what the miserable excuse is for showing the death of books, live, on screen. Men, I could understand; but books! -
— Edwin Morgan, From the Video Box 2