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Paronoia

by Horisun


Outside is a scary place,

Uncertain and dangerous,

Like the human race.

You fear the endless dark,

Like Noah feared the flood,

You stay in your Ark.

You could burn in a fire,

Or be killed by bear,

Or have a flat tire,

And be caught in a snare.

You could drown in a flood,

Fall off a plane,

Betrayed by your blood,

Or go insane.

You could get run over by a car,

Or be bonked in the head,

You may drift to far,

And you may wind off dead.

But here's the thing about life,

And the thing about dying,

Just because there's strife,

Doesn't mean you stop trying.

So don't stay inside,

Forever in the dark,

Don't forever hide

Deep within your ark.

Go sit around a campfire,

Go swim in that pool,

And be a Race Car Driver,

If that's what you find cool.


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Points: 8
Reviews: 10

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Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:27 am
EvaR14 says...



I liked this poem, it was simply structured in a way that made the message clear.
There are a few grammar mistakes, but I assume mostly typos (I think it should be "killed by a bear", not "killed by bear", and then further on you use "to" instead of "too", "you may wind off dead" should be "you may wind up dead") .

The references to Noah and the ark at the beginning and the end make it feel complete, and frame the poem well.

You've done a really good job of describing what it feels like to be someone who struggles with putting themselves "out there", and then giving encouragement/advice to people who may be struggling that way.

I love the message of this poem - I think it needs to be talked about more, as it is really important, so thank you for writing this :)




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review! :D



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Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:26 am
EvaR14 wrote a review...



I liked this poem, it was simply structured in a way that made the message clear.
There are a few grammar mistakes, but I assume mostly typos (I think it should be "killed by a bear", not "killed by bear", and then further on you use "to" instead of "too", "you may wind off dead" should be "you may wind up dead") .

The references to Noah and the ark at the beginning and the end make it feel complete, and frame the poem well.

You've done a really good job of describing what it feels like to be someone who struggles with putting themselves "out there", and then giving encouragement/advice to people who may be struggling that way.

I love the message of this poem - I think it needs to be talked about more, as it is really important, so thank you for writing this :)




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Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:01 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



This poem has a wonderful message. i wish it was represented more in writing. It is simple, but I like that kind of poem. I used to write poetry. They weren't as good as this though. They grammar errors aren't very bad. (only words like too vs. to)

The poems flow is okay. It gets better as you read on. I'm not that good at flowing either. The concept made it a good read. more people should see this.

Keep writing!
~S.M.Locke~




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review! Also, I'm sure your poems are awesome! :D



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Mon Mar 23, 2020 4:55 pm
StudentAH wrote a review...



OH MY GOD. I LOVE this poem. I love it. It has such a good message. Its very simple, and I love the rhyming. But wow, I mean I just love how simple it is. I can very much relate to this as someone with PTSD. I feel like more people need to see this.

There are some minor grammatical errors here and there. (You may drift *too far, or wind *up dead). I also am unsure but I don't think occupations (race car driver) need capitalization.

I also felt like the flow of the poem got better as you read on, once it got to 4 lines in a stanza. I'm pretty bad with flow myself and usually don't have any rhythm to my poems so take my advice with a grain of salt. Nut for this one, a rhythm later developed after the first two stanzas and I quite liked it. Yet the beginning two stanzas with 3 lines didn't feel like their rhythms matched one another. (I'm not necessarily saying that you can't switch stanza lengths -- in fact I think that idea made it better. The introduction stanzas were 3 lines, but then the paranoia sets in and it starts to become 4 lines because it keeps rolling and rolling.)

Still, amazing read. I love the simplicity and I really love the concept too.




Horisun says...


Thank you! :D



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Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:38 pm
mckaylaam wrote a review...



Hi there, I just want to start this review off by saying that I really loved this piece and I think that it's a great summary of what it feels like to have anxiety, but it also has encouraging tones at the end which I admire.

As others have already mentioned in their reviews, the lines "You fear the endless dark / Like Noah feared the flood / You stay in your Ark" really struck a chord with me. The Ark is meant to represent a safe haven from our fears, but it also represents how we sometimes stay in our comfort zones too often; we don't leave them and try to see what is out there in the world.

The list of different fears somewhat resembles my list of fears - fears of being lost or dying. And while these fears can be legitimate, I think that having that long list demonstrates, in a way, the sort of overthinking (the paranoia) that comes with having anxieties about the outside and the uncertain. But then when the poem switches to having a more encouraging, hopeful tone, this is really what brings the piece together in my opinion. The last four lines especially were what made me smile - "Go sit around a campfire / Go swim in that pool / And be a Race Car Driver / If that's what you find cool" has such a youthful feeling to it that I really admire. I think that if I were given the opportunity to speak at my high school graduation a couple of years ago, I would have chosen this poem to read because I think it has such a positive message at the end.

Great job, thank you for sharing this! :)




StudentAH says...


Totally agree with you. I loved that it really embodied how anxiety feels but also offered a light-hearted, free-spirited solution.



Horisun says...


Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!



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Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:19 am
BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...



Hi@Horisun. This is such a great poem.I love how you explain things are scary outside and risky but one has to be fearless. Honestly, as I was reading it I felt it to be great. But when lines " Just because there is strife Does not mean you stop trying.'' These gave a sudden a kick a sense of affirmation and I loved that.
Also, the best part is you ended the poem on a positive note. From my side you have done a great job through your work. Keep up the great work!
From: Bhavya.




Horisun says...


Thank you!





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Sat Mar 21, 2020 1:35 pm
Leviari wrote a review...



Hey there :)

"You fear the endless dark,

Like Noah feared the flood,

You stay in your Ark."

These lines really hit deep for me, as a person with social anxiety I can really relate.

On a very personal note, I found your poem (especially the first and central part) quite unsettling - and I mean it as a compliment! Your way of listing all this macabre ways one could die strongly clashes with your rhyming scheme, that reminds me of the happy nursery rhymes of my childhood. I felt completely enraptured in your writing.

I appreciated also how towards the end you decided to take a turn and add positivity to your piece, transforming your poem about death into an ode to life, a manifest of the "carpe diem" philosophy if you will.

Well done, and thank you for sharing.




Horisun says...


Thank you!



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Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:35 pm
pinkpuppies06 wrote a review...



"Outside is a scary place" with covid-9 that is honestly true. Your writing was inspiring and relatable. It describes the anxieties of man but also describes the joys of overcoming those fears. I enjoyed the A B pattern though I would recommend a little figurative language to spice things up.




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!



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Fri Mar 20, 2020 8:56 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hey there!

Such a well written and truly relatable poem. Each and every line is so meaningful. Personally, I too am fearful of coming out of my comfort zone and taking risks in life. Perhaps that's what adds more to my anxiety and stress. Coming back to your poem, you have very well mentioned about so many fears of a common man, varying from just having a flat tire to some really frightful ones like facing death . It really gave a broad picture of how our brain can become so apprehensive and terrified with situations that are mere elements of our imagination.

The next half of the poem is really motivational and gives hope. I liked that you used the reference of an Ark, something that we have build for our safety but then again, always staying in the limits of our safety zone will stop us from taking the necessary risks in our lives.

A small correction

You may drift to far,

I think it should be 'too' instead of 'to'.

I loved how you kept the lines short and simple, yet so beautiful. Loved the overall structure. The rhyme scheme did change in between but that's not really an issue because it all depends on the writer's choice and I am no one to say.

I enjoyed every bit of it and will hope to read more of your amazing works.
Keep writing! :)




Horisun says...


Thanks so much!



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Fri Mar 20, 2020 7:44 pm
silverquill12 wrote a review...



Wow! I found this poem to be awfully relatable. I loved the visuals you used, especially the shift in tone from talking about all the sorry fates one can reach to the more happy, uplifting ways to spend time. I think the line "you stay in your Ark" is particularly impactful. One thing I was curious about was the rhyme scheme; it started with an interesting pattern of ABA CDC and then went to ABAB CDCD. To put things to music, it's like going from a 3/4 signature to a 4/4 signature. You're counting 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3; and so on, and then it's 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3, 4. It creates a jarring effect, thought I think it does help tie into the theme of your poem: the unexpected and risky is worth a try.




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review!




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