The ball falls from Blues grasp.
They lazily run 'round.
The Red team sweats bullets,
Blue thinks they'll be crowned.
The crowd watches with dread,
As their team lets the ball go,
As their team moves like dead.
And so the crowd cries out,
It weighs heavily,
Heavy with passion, fear, and doubt.
"Get out of your head,
Stop letting them win,
Don't throw in the towel,
Don't you dare give in."
"If we're honest,
This situation is severe.
If you don't care,
Why are you even here?"
"You're team never talks,
When one scores, you shrug.
You knock one another down,
While the Red team will hug."
"The Red team will trip,
But they'll get back up.
When facing terrible odds,
They say, "What's up?""
"Want the truth?
This is their dream.
You're the better players,
But they're the better team."
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Hello!
I like this poem, I think it teaches a good subtle lesson, and I especially like the last two lines. The rhyming I'm assuming goes ABCB, but the fifth and sixth lines don't keep that them. The fifth and seventh lines rhyme, but that's not actually following the rest of the pattern. I'm not sure if it's on purpose, and I don't think it's actually a problem, but I'll just point it out anyway.
That's all I have to say about this poem, I really like it!
Happy review day,
-Gnomish
Hi Horisun,
I really liked this poem. It's very different than any poem I have read before. It's more lighthearted but I like that you wrote about sports because you don't see that often in poetry. I thought that you did a really nice job with the rhyming, although it doesn't work for all poems, I think it really adds a nice touch to this one. I liked the conflicting viewpoints of the two different teams, it adds a more complicated layer to the story. The rhetorical questions were also another great aspect of the poem because it got the reader to pause for a moment and think about it. I liked how you included quotes because it introduced a few different voices. That being said, I think that you had too many quotes in a row and it made it a little more confusing to follow the story so maybe you could consider breaking them up a bit more. Additionally, I really liked the last few lines "'Want the truth?'/This is their dream./You're the better players,/But they're the better team". I love this because I think that it does a great job in tying up the poem and gives a lasting impact/impression on the reader. All in all, you did a really nice job with this poem so great job! I look forward to reading your future works. Good luck!
Thank you for the review!