I tapitty tap my pen as the teacher drones on.
Something about using weed killer in our school lawn.
I drone in and out,
When my brain seems to shout,
HEY!
We're going to write today!
The King of the Hill,
Who gave out a one hundred dollar bill!
Or an alternate dimension,
With people made of tin!
A broken hearted Queen,
Who is actually a pre-teen!
A girl named Jortal,
Who falls into a portal.
Somebody named Jude,
Who meets an elf that's rude.
But wait, which one to write first?
I have that writing thirst.
Can't decide... Can't choose...
This is a lose-lose.
I guess it's better than writers block.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey, @Horison! It's Vilnius, here to review your work!
Ah, yes, the alternative to writers' block that no one seems to talk about...
I loved your rhyme scheme in this poem! I feel that it really adds to your short story as a whole by emphasizing that different ideas could potentially be similar, which is something that happens to me when there is too much to write.
The only critique I have is that the "Jortal/portal" rhyme seems a bit forced.
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
Thank you!
Hey there, Horisun! I'm back again for another review.
Us writers always talk about how much writer's block sucks, but we rarely talk about the opposite problem: having too much to write about! As someone who frequently struggles with way too many ideas, I very much enjoyed your fun little poem.
I don't usually say this about poetry, but one of the best parts of your poem was your rhyming scheme - it was fun trying to guess what you would rhyme with the ending word in the line before, and then being completely taken by surprise when I saw what you had actually picked. The rhymes you ended up going with were both innovative and wacky, which is something I'm always a fan of.
The only critique I have is that the examples you gave might have been a little forced - some of them flowed better than others. But nothing you used in your poem needs to definitely be changed - it works very well if you never end up revising it.
Overall, I really loved how you tackled this topic! The variety of ideas that narrator gets and their struggle to pick which one to work on was a very relatable situation, and the ending conclusion is something I wholeheartedly agree with. It's definitely better than writer's block, but just by a little.
(Also, as a quick aside: "writers block" should be "writer's block", since the block belongs to the writer.)
Great job on this poem.
Relatable and funny in both ways. I honestly think leaving in that part about weed killer is fine, I can tell that it's just meaning what the teacher is droning on about. Although, maybe you could italicize HEY so it's emphazied even more. It's simple but also entertaining. I don't think you need to switch up anything besides that one tiny thing and that it's good the way it is. The title also draws readers in because you're asking a question and they want to find out what's supposedly worse than writer's block. It's easy to space out in class and imagine possible storylines and all that stuff.
Haha, this was hilarious. I like the theme, and you did it really well.
"I tapitty tap my pen as the teacher drones on.
Something about using weed killer in our school lawn."
What? This first line confused me. It doesn't have much to do with the rest of the poem, and it is kind of just random. There's nothing really that wrong about it, it's just feels random with the rest of the poem.
"I have that writing thirst."
I like this part. It does a great job at explaining what the writer is thinking, with their desire to write something.
"I guess it's better than writers block."
This part was great. Just the sort of "sure, I guess," feeling is perfect, and putting the italics in to emphasize the word "guess" really brings it out.
I really enjoyed reading this. The title is witty, and the silly ideas that the person has are great. Keep writing!