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E - Everyone

Eyes that should never be Seen

by Horisun

I was at a ball, with a tuxedo and all,

Colors like I've never seen,

Sparkles, Feathers, and more,

Someone had said;

"Oh look, there's the queen!"

We all turned,

she wore a green gown,

with a golden crown,

her mask was a forest green,

truly, a sight to be seen.

"I have a announcement to make!"

And that's when we should have turned away.

"From this day forth, you will be under a curse, you will only speak in rhyme, and the only cure is time."

She lifted her mask, from her head, 

and where eyes should have been, there were emeralds instead.

People screamed, and tried to run, 

the queen laughed, like it was good fun.

I stood frozen, stuttering in fear, as her eyes glowed.

I should have ran, not sit, 

for that was when the curse hit.

After many years, there is one thing of which I can be certain,

that the Queen is gone,

and in her place,

is a shadow, 

of the poor, poor widow that she became.

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17 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 17

Fri Jan 22, 2021 2:52 pm
kryptonianmenace wrote a review...

The title piqued my interest so I just had to read it! I think it's interesting that the rhyme scheme is slightly uneven, because it shows that time has passed ("the only cure is time"). I like the story that is being told in here and how it's set up. I'm left curious by the word "widow" in the last line, because I want to know more about who would marry someone who curses everyone.

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Points: 98
Reviews: 2

Tue Aug 06, 2019 9:03 pm
Iamawriter965 says...

Wow! This is amazing. I love it!!

I think it amazing how it starts off like a normal ball and then all of a sudden it goes wrong and the queen puts a curse on everyone.

I also like how the queen is described as "a sight to be seen" as it gives me the impression that she was very non-threatening when she is obviously someone who should be feared.

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61 Reviews

Points: 4338
Reviews: 61

Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:32 am
OofOof1 wrote a review...

Hola and hello oh, I'm here to write a review for you. Have fun reading it.

So let me get this straight, so this is a poem about a boy going to some kind of prom or something, and then all of a sudden a queen puts a curse on everybody, which to me that is totally rude. Anyway that is a good plot and idea. I like how this is a narrative poemOh, those are my favorite poems in the whole universe. Oh wait, or is this a lyrical poem? This to me somehow reminds me of Alice in Wonderland oh, I have no idea why.

Some things I suggest is to get more descriptive with your word choices, the more descriptive word choices The better the poem is, isn't that right. Anyway poems are actually really hard to write, so yes you do need the scriptive words because they help you write a good poem.

This to me is the best poem I've ever read this day.


If you want to know what that means it means that this poem is so awesome, and yes this is an actual word.

Anyway hope you like my review, keep riding and never give up on your dream bye.

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Wed Feb 06, 2019 7:20 am
Hermine says...

This is super cool, it sounds like something I might write. It is awesome, it sort of reminds me of Alice in Wonderland for some reason. It’s kind of sad, though. A lyrical poem, which is kind of cool.

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Wed Feb 06, 2019 7:20 am
Hermine says...

This is super cool, it sounds like something I might write. It is awesome, it sort of reminds me of Alice in Wonderland for some reason. It’s kind of sad, though. A lyrical poem, which is kind of cool.

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11 Reviews

Points: 49
Reviews: 11

Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:00 am
Smuggg wrote a review...

Hellllo, Smuggg here :)

I just want to write a short review here.

I want to start by saying that I think this is a very well written lyrical poem, and as someone said below, it almost reminds me of Beauty and the Beast. I think it flows really well with the lips and eyes and is very expressive and emotional.

I struggle a lot with punctuation in my poems, and works like this always help me to better grasp the concept. So thank you.

The only thing I really want to suggest is that you get maybe a little more descriptive with your word choices. Use more unique words, instead of basic ones that are often overused and drawn out in poems.

Other than that, wonderful job. If you have any questions, just PM me.

Write on

xx Smuggg xx

Horisun says...

Thanks for the review!

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453 Reviews

Points: 925
Reviews: 453

Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:33 pm
Lib says...

Wow! This is such a good poem, @Horisun! I would have never 6hought of anything like this! It's so good!

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64 Reviews

Points: 733
Reviews: 64

Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:22 am
Aliceinhorrorland wrote a review...

Haiiii I’m here to review! -SHOCKED EXPRESSION- Okay so anyways, this poem actually kind of reminded me of beauty and the beast, but at the same time it was different. Soooo it gave me Disney princess vibes, I’m not saying this in a bad way though XD. I liked how you inccorporated dialogue and a full story line in just one poem, I think that’s pretty cool. I liked the ending, but I think it would have flowed smoother if you’d have said “that she’d become” rather than “that she became.” Maybe that’s just my opinion though. I also think the flow was a little weird, because you would rhyme each line in some bits, and other times you would not. Oh and one more thing, I don’t mean to get all nitpicky, but it’s suppsoed to be “an announcement,” not “a announcement.” Other than all that, I think this was actually a good poem. It had a storyline, something to think about, and even different characters. So that’s something to CELEBRATEEE! :D Welp keep writing poems, and keep writing in general! BAIIII


Horisun says...

Thank you!

"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore