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Perfection

by Horisun


I like it,

it's near,

my path to victory is clear.

I just got to spend hours at my keyboard.

Rewriting, rewriting, and rewriting.

What? I'm not bored!

I'm perfecting.

Delete,

repeat,

delete,

repeat.

Hey, look! I'm almost done...

with the first page, I mean.


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127 Reviews


Points: 6630
Reviews: 127

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Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:20 pm
xJade wrote a review...



Wesh! I keep finding your poems everywhere so let's just get to it!

I like it,

it's near, I think it would be better if you did" it is near," or "it's closer". it would flow better

my path to victory is clear.

I just got to spend hours at my keyboard. You're describing my life. I love it!

Rewriting, rewriting, and rewriting.

What? I'm not bored! I would have "what and the rest on the next line.

I'm perfecting.

Delete,

repeat, This whole rhyme scheme feels a bit forced and this part drags it out

delete,

repeat.

Hey, look! I'm almost done...

with the first page, I mean. XD I love the ending so much.

OVERALL: A pretty solid poem, I enjoyed it. Keep writing and I hope this helped :D

Jade




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31 Reviews


Points: 91
Reviews: 31

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Thu Jun 27, 2019 3:05 am
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



I really really like this poem, it's short, sweet, and to the point! I also like how the words "Repeat, Delete." keeps repeating to show how much of a perfectionist the writer of this poem is. It makes the poem very relatable and shows the emotions of writers who keep writing and writing to make that perfect piece of writing every time. I also like the lines "It's near, my path to victory is clear" and how it contrasts with "Hey, look I'm almost done!" to "With the first page, I mean". It makes the sort of funny transition to making the reader think the writer's book is almost done to only turn the tables on the reader to show its only the first page. It also really hammers home the whole idea of perfectionism in writers work or really anyone whos passionate about something they love! I really enjoy this poem and the idea behind it.

The only real criticism I can give besides praise to this is that I feel like the poem could be slightly longer? It can still be short but I feel like making it longer with little more detail into it. Still, keep it short and simple since that's one of the main charms of the poem but just make it slightly longer to really show that idea of perfection and repeating the same thing over and over again. Other than that I really love the poem!

Keep writing!




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117 Reviews


Points: 7354
Reviews: 117

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Mon Jun 24, 2019 6:49 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

I like this poem! It's short and simple... and it's just really relatable actually! I can imagine just sitting my butt down for hours trying to write a perfected piece. Especially for me... it takes me a really long time to write pretty much anything lol.

I like the "delete, repeat" parts which adds repetition to make this idea seen seem more realistic. And I also like the added humor at the end with just having finished the first page after so long... I can relate to the too.

Anyway, great little poem you have here. I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing :)




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274 Reviews


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Reviews: 274

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Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:23 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @Horisun I hope you are doing okay. So just here to do a maybe quick or long review on your poem. So lets jump right into it shell we.

I like it,

it's near,

my path to victory is clear.

I just got to spend hours at my keyboard.

Rewriting, rewriting, and rewriting.

What? I'm not bored!

I'm perfecting.

Delete,

repeat,

delete,

repeat.

Hey, look! I'm almost done...

with the first page, I me

So I think this was really good, and you no I read this line after line, and it feels like a song to me. At the moment I sure the first line to the moment I was on to the last line, I was just reading this like it was a song. I think you did a great job of this poem, it is also definitely Realistic, Humor witch is what you said it was, so that is great. I do think this is also lyrical for it does seam to have a good ritham to it in some way if you sing it line by line a bit slowly.
So yes I did like this poem. If it is not to much trouble pleas tell me when you post your next poem, I would love to read another one.

So that is all that I can say, So keep up the great work. I look forward to more of your poems. :D

I hope you have a great Day/Night.

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews




Horisun says...


:D Thanks! I'll try!



Dossereana says...


I am happy I could help.




Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl