Trapped in a Facility
Locked with a Beast
You and your friends
Are a Four Course Feast
The Monster is behind you
So very, very quiet
He grabs you by the ankle
And drags you into the night
All hope is lost
You are all on your own
This song that I sing
Ends on a bad tone
The Beast circles
Closer, and closer
This is the end
You are sure
But from every angle
Your friends forever
Grab you by the hand
You'll escape together
~
The Monsters behind you
Right on your heel
And you can't help but wonder
How death might feel
But with your friends right there
To your side
You know you'll have this
Monsters hide
And again and again
Throughout this night
One you are weak
Together you're might
You have every chance
To free yourself forever
But you know
You'll all escape together
~
But one could not hold this
Promise so true
He went up and vanished
Into the blue
~
In the end, the Monster won
The three who were left were torn apart
But no Monsters teeth
Could tear their heart.
Authors Note:
This poem is based off a Roblox Game called Flee The Facility. This morning, I was watching my brother play said game, and he was angry because the Survivors kept saving each other, and he thought it was stupid because they weren't making headway in the actual game. I argued that they were being brave, saving each other even though they were dying.
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140,109 Literary Works • 673,015 Reviews
Hello hikari here with a review!
I really loved this its so creative, I'd never have thought to make a poem based off a roblox game but your poem here sounds so natural!
{You and your friends
Are a Four Course Feast}
I liked this line, really drew me in!
{But one could not hold this
Promise so true
He went up and vanished
Into the blue}
Oof and it was kinda starting to look up...
{In the end, the Monster won
The three who were left were torn apart
But no Monsters teeth
Could tear their heart.}
Ooh I re ally like tje ending here they may have died but their fighting spirit lives on.
Anyways I enjoyed the story so kudos to you! ❤
Thank you!
Hello!!! Here for a review!
I suggest making a little change in the second line. You all will escape together. I guess it sounds better than the former. But it's all upto you.
[smallcaps]Overall[/smallcaps]
It was fantastic!!!! I wonder how imaginative you are. You wrote such a beautiful poem based on a roblox game!! You have an interesting rhyming scheme. I liked it. This poem described friendship. How friends can even die for each other. The description u put over there are just awesome. I have another suggestion– in the very first line, I suggest u not to use that word ‘facility’. People will not get it that easy. One more- in the second stanza last line, will the night be right?? The rest was flawless.
Good job!!!! Keep writing!!
~Forever
Okay for something based off a roblox game this is absolutely fantastic! I love the rhyming by the way I always love it when poems rhyme that just added to my love of this poem! I think it is perfect the way you can tell how these people feel with out you just outright saying it like you can feel the emotion just falling off the page in this. I also think it was a very good ending it not a good ending but it was written very well, the inevitability of their death yet them standing strong was just stunning.
"But no Monsters teeth
Could tear their heart."
Just a great ending that showcases what kind of people they were! I really loved this and I encourage you to keep on writing and have a fantastic day/night!