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Keep It Cool

by Horisun


Keep it Cool.

Keep it Cool, 

Ignore that fools foolishness,

Ignore that burning in your stomach,

The clenching of your fists,

and the grinding of your teeth.

It's hard to keep it cool,

When your heads a-blazing,

Haha, so funny.

You're being a jerk to a helpless bunny.

Oh my goodness!

So hilarious!

You're a idiot if you don't touch the wall!

You realize I was being sarcastic,

Right?


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114 Reviews


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Reviews: 114

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Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:18 pm
xJade wrote a review...



Wesh! Professor Jade here to review another poem by you! Let's just get to it, then. :)
(WARNING: This is going to be quick. I don't know how much help I'll be.)

Keep it Cool.

Keep it Cool,

Ignore that fools foolishness,

Ignore that burning in your stomach,

This is a bit of an off start to a poem. The flow is wacky and I have no idea what's going on. But you caught my attention, so kudos!
The clenching of your fists,

and the grinding of your teeth.

It's hard to keep it cool,

When your heads a-blazing,

Everyone shows anger in different ways. This is a classic way.

Haha, so funny.

You're being a jerk to a helpless bunny.

Oh my goodness!

So hilarious!

You're a idiot if you don't touch the wall!

You realize I was being sarcastic,

Right?

Ah, now I get it!

Overall, this is OK. I didn't dislike it and I enjoy your style.

I hope this helped.


-Professor JadeLotus-




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164 Reviews


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Reviews: 164

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Tue May 07, 2019 4:42 pm
Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hi Horisun!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review! Alright, let's get right into it now. :P

I absolutely love this poem! It's very lighthearted and cute. Come to think of it, all your poems are! And, to be honest, I think I can relate to this. Sometimes, I have to try to keep it cool, but then, as usual, I burst. Lol. Anyways, there were just two things that I'd like to point out. :D

When your heads a-blazing,


Now, there were two things here that I'd like you to see. Number one: the word 'heads' needs to have an apostrophe before the last letter. Because, 'heads' means multiple heads. And, then, 'head's' means 'head is'. You know what I mean? Number two: the word 'a-blazing' doesn't need a hyphen (-) in there. 'ablazing' is supposed to be one word. Now moving on to the next thing I saw.

You're a idiot if you don't touch the wall!


Just a mini grammar mistake. If you look at 'a idiot'. And if you read it aloud, it doesn't really sound right, does it? It's supposed to be 'an idiot'. Alright, so this is it! Keep up the wondertastic work! Can't wait to see more from you soon. ;)

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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26 Reviews


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Reviews: 26

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Mon May 06, 2019 8:22 pm
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



very hilarious , you bring laughter into a world full of darkness it made me feel ;like their was nothing bad going on because you distracted me with a picie of grand art. maybe basic but write about a little and that's what u did and it created a sense of belonging and spoke to the reader. a bit of criticizem if you are calling the reader a idiot then they may take to offense and you may not want to do that even if you are joking it can cause problems. other than that a priceless picec of grand litraturer it opens to different views but I personly liked it well doen

8.9 / 10

reccomed to those who are not offended easily.




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review. I see how people could be offended. That was not what I intended when I wrote this. Thank you for pointing that out.



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63 Reviews


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Mon May 06, 2019 6:53 pm
Storybraniac wrote a review...



Herro. This is a pleasant piece of satire. Its not meant to be taken seriously obviously but still has a charming essence to it. Few nitpicks.
Im not sure if the punctuation errors were intentional or not, but occasionally they may get a little tiring to stumble across.

The last paragraph kind of lost me somewhere. It could be some sort of metaphorical expression, but im too dim witted to figure it out myself. I couldnt grasp the contrast between the protagonist ignoring the existence of this what i assumed was 'the love interest who doesnt acknowledge existence' and somehow him acting lije a jerk whenerver she was around. Perhaps she thought him ignoring her existence was the jerky move. Meh. A short and sweet piece nevertheless. Keep up the work.

<3




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review.




"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore