Its a nice and cute poem. If you don't mind me saying, I just want to suggest using some metaphor to make it more beautiful. Thumbs up still!
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It’s not as easy as I thought it’d be
Words so sweet and smooth like clotting
honey
Ought to be easy to write, but that’s not
the case.
They tangle and forget where they go, or
who they are, or what they mean,
Like me I guess
That’s a metaphor, right?
Someone said write what you know,
But who wants to read a poem or hear a
story about
Late-night TV, homework cramming,?
It’s not poetic, it’s hectic, and
You don’t want to hear it, and
I don’t want to write it.
I’m sick of it. I want to escape.
I want to create.
I want to write about soft flower petals,
And crystal rain drops, and laughter that
bubbles –
Whatever that means, and every cliché you
ever read
And then said, “that’s beautiful, what a
nice thought, I guess that’s true”
And
I want to know what the world means and who God is
I want to write that thought and make you
smile with all your teeth
And just hold the words between them
Like a straw wading in sweet honey that
you just want to drink up.
I’d like to add a little emotion in there
too,
Love and hate, long walks, prayers,
finding what is truly eternal
Tell you about wild adventures and secret
whispers.
But it’s mushy, and it’s a combination of
too fake and too real, and way too much of me.
The words are just too angry and sad and
happy and weighed down with reality
And just wanting to write a poem that’ll
make them care.
Like a kite reaching for heaven when it’s
been tied to a tree
It’ll leave a bitter taste in both our
mouths.
And that’s not what I wanted at all.
I guess if I can’t give you the words I
want you to read,
I’ll just have to tell you how they sound,
how they really feel.
They’re light and dense all at once
And they tell you it’s going to be okay.
And that you are important to someone, you
know, you’re even important to me.
The words I want to hear and want to say
Caught in a beautiful endless loop -
Between those lines you’ve got flower
petals, and rain drops,
And bubbling laughter, and something
sweet.
The words shatter like glass in front of
your eyes,
But it’s a twinkling sound that doesn’t
scare you
And deep down you just know that it’s
true.
Completely, seriously, totally true.
I know that’s the poem I want to write,
But it’s hard and it’s lost and some how
I feel like it keeps getting stuck between
Thick layers of artificial, inorganic
fluff
And my never ending personal monologue.
The balance between the fake, and the way
too real,
The praise and the burden and some
advanced literary critique
That must have missed every word that I
just wrote
But caught the grammar mistake in first
two lines
It just doesn’t seem to be working,
At least not in the way I want.
I want to be real, but not have to spell
it out
I want to be honest, but not put my heart
on trial.
I want to comfort, without really knowing
how messed up
And hurt, and confused everyone is, or I
am.
And I want to write beautiful, sweet and
sticky poetry
That burrows itself somewhere deep in the
pit of your stomach
But it’s not that easy.
It’s not as easy as I thought it’d be
Words so sweet and smooth like clotting
honey
Ought to be easy to write, but that’s not
the case.
They tangle and forget where they go, or
who they are, or what they mean
And I’m just desperately clinging to these
thoughts becoming a dream – in the midst of a prayer
And just hoping that I figure it out.
Its a nice and cute poem. If you don't mind me saying, I just want to suggest using some metaphor to make it more beautiful. Thumbs up still!
hi alliyah , i just want you to know that your poem is beautiful . It can be more beautiful if the emotions are not directly stated
I'm not an expert in writing , it is just my opinion and.....
You don’t want to read it, and
I don’t want to write it.
I’m sick of it. I want to escape.
I want to create.
I love these lines , because somewhere it is about me and my desire to escape
Hey alliyah! I thought I'd drop by and give you my inexpert opinion on this.
So, I want to love it. There's a gem of a poem in here that I'm really enjoying, and I think your format is failing you here. You said in your description that this is supposed to be read quite fast out loud (kind of like rap, maybe?), and the way you've written this, that's certainly how it reads. But I feel like there are parts of this that could really benefit from slowing down and allowing the reader to fully engage with what you mean. There are a lot of really nice images and sentiments in here, and we're plowing past them at the speed of light.
Along similar lines to that, I think this could benefit from being more concise. Fewer words often say more, and I think if you allow yourself to slow down a bit, you'll find yourself deleting a lot of the words that are necessary to make this feel fast, but don't add much to the overall meaning.
Caught in a beautiful endless loop -
Between the lines there are flower petals, and rain drops,
And bubbling laughter, and something sweet.
The words shatter like glass in front of your eyes,
Points: 100
Reviews: 0
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