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The Smell of Emotion?

by Horisun

So, how do I describe color to someone who is blind?
The brightness of the sun they'll never find?

Describing the emotion would be useless to you.
Like using the feeling of the sky to describe blue.

Sometimes I think my emotions come in smells.
Ideas, concepts, it all rings bells.

But if I open my mouth, and try to explain,
Words fail me, and fall down the drain.

I can't describe the smell of creativity.
Nor the smell of running free.

Its like a dream you cannot place,
A passing moment in time and space.

It slips away from my finger tips,
Falling away from my lips.

So strong, so there, so loud it'll shout.
Yet I just can't figure it out.

Its not a flower, its not sweat,
Its the feeling I get when I fret.

Sometimes I think its not real.
But what, then, is the deal?

I don't get it, maybe I'll never know.
I'll just let the ideas flow.

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100 Reviews

Points: 6141
Reviews: 100

Mon Dec 07, 2020 1:24 pm
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LUNARGIRL wrote a review...

This was a very beautiful poem. I loved the imagery you used and your word choice makes the poem so powerful. I like the carefree ending, how the person makes up their mind that they will never know the answer to their question. That they are not going to let their unanswered question stop them from having ideas.

"Its not a flower, its not sweat,
Its the feeling I get when I fret."
For some reason I feel like the last word fret doesn't really fit in with the other words in this line. I don't know why, that's just my opinion so feel free to discard that.

Overall I really enjoyed your poem and the ending was very good. Your words packed so much power in them and the imagery you used was perfect. Can't wait to read what you write next.

Carpe diem,

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20 Reviews

Points: 791
Reviews: 20

Fri Dec 04, 2020 12:12 am
LilPWilly wrote a review...

Muy bueno
This poem has a bounce, but maybe that’s just cause I’m also listening to bouncy music rn
As a lyricist this is kind of smooth. With just a couple more rhymes per vowel, and a little rhythm tweaking, this could make good music.
Also it could be a little more vivid with the imagery for a better emotional impact, maybe express one emotion at a time. But for fun me gusta este mucho. I like how it goes from confused to “I’ll just let the ideas flow” but the bits in the middle go from brightness to ‘creativity’, to freedom to falling, to fretting and then peace, they just aren’t sustained enough for me to know how to feel.

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16 Reviews

Points: 525
Reviews: 16

Sat Nov 28, 2020 8:32 pm
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FireEyes wrote a review...

I truly love this poem. It reminds me of someone with synesthesia. And it shows different perspective. All writing shows someone's perspective. The way you said emotions come in smells makes me think of someone who can only experience something in a certain way. It's really eye-opening. Keep it up. I can see you're a strong writer.

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7 Reviews

Points: 88
Reviews: 7

Sat Nov 28, 2020 1:25 am
timestamp wrote a review...

This is a really sweet poem. I love how it reads like a limerick, it’s simple and goes in an ABAB pattern I think?
The perspective you take on is really interesting. Often, it’s hard to get into the mind of the visually impaired, and I think you really personified how in most cases those who have sight problems obtain their senses and nurse them so they can reach a a higher keenness than a seeing person. The imagery depicted here is impactful too, which helps make it even more of a stellar piece!

In my book this is a 10/10


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63 Reviews

Points: 685
Reviews: 63

Fri Nov 27, 2020 4:38 pm
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NastyMajesty wrote a review...

*grumbles rick-rolledly* Hellllllooo @Horisun! I'll be poppin' in here for a real quick review, nice to see ya! ...don't worry I can't actually see you I just can't come up with a better intro.
Woah... this poem was so powerful! The rhymes made the poem flow so flawlessly! The only stanza I had a bit of a problem with was this one:

It slips away from my fingertips,
Falling away from my lips.
You used "away" twice in this stanza which could make it a little bit... bumpy-ish. Also, "fingertips" is one word :P I really love how you show a lot in this poem yet also tell. You've found the perfect balance between those two in my opinion. I found this super helpful video on it if you wanna watch it... Overall, great job! I really enjoyed reading it. Keep it up, and keep writing!
~ (: You're friendly neighborhood Majesty of Nastiness ~

Horisun says...

Thank you for the review! The video was very helpful! I learned quite a lot from it! Did you see the other video they made about dialogue? It was super interesting!

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111 Reviews

Points: 8920
Reviews: 111

Fri Nov 27, 2020 6:44 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...

Hello there~
I am here just to say I really like this poem. It has beautiful imagery to it and I love the ending, the carefree ending...Like you are flying a kite and in the end, when it's so high you let it go and see it fly away. I like the part where you say "Its like a dream you cannot place,
A passing moment in time and space".... A passing moment in time and space....I think that is quite an impressive piece there.

Thank you for sharing this poem!
Wish you the best,

Horisun says...

Thank you!

*Sad football bagpipes*
— DougalOfBiscuits