There was an Old Witch
She lived in the Wood
She was all on her own
But she was pretty good
Other than the crushing
Fear she'd die alone
The Witch was doing
Alright being alone
But what to do with
All the time by herself?
Why, she'd sit down and
Read every book on the shelf!
But though she loved
Every single novel
She was tired of being
Represented as evil
There was no Witch
To which she could relate
Everyone was a baddie
Tied to the same fate
No, she didn't cast curses!
And Children were disgusting!
And when it came to lying
The Witch was quite trusting
So sick and tired of
Her people being slandered
And books where her
Strife was overly pandered
She so desperately wanted
To see herself as a protagonist
But in every single story
She was a villain or a "Twist"
So after some debating
The Witch had decided
"If no one will write about
A heroic witch" She cried!
"Then I shall pick up a pen
And go and get started!"
So very, very delighted
To the Study the Witch darted
She wrote, and edited
And revised, again
Oh, how hard
It must've been
But when she was finished
The Witch no longer felt crappy
This was the first step
To an ending that was happy
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Heyyy!! jay here with a review!!
So lets get started!!
First i would say is that this was a pretty good piece right here and what i i'm seeing is a good incredible poem and its actually giving me Hocus Pocus vibes right now like just imagine it was a Hocus Pocus poem like i i'm just seeing it like right now and i also have a favorite line There was an Old Witch
She lived in the Wood
She was all on her own
But she was pretty good
Other than the crushing
Fear she'd die alone
The Witch was doing
Alright being alone and here is my favorite line
My Compliment is how did you get to like the witch did this and that and yeah i said it was giving me Halloween vibes and Hocus Pocus vibes as well cause i watched the movie and i i'm like this was a good piece of poem
How you could improve is you need to check on your , and stuff and stanzas on your poem cause thats what like everyone do now when they do poetry i im not good at looking at poetry but i no through
Keep Writing!!
By Jay
Heyyy!! Forever here with a review!!
I will just review by stanzas
Definitely an intriguing start. It evokes interest in the minds of the readers to know her more and why she lived all alone but still was pretty good? This is definitely an exception where loneliness is not working.
Not a very positive thing at all. Now here, I don't know but for some reason I felt that the flow from tge first to the second line wasn't very smooth. I would suggest writing it as
"Except the crushing fear
she would die alone"
This seems to be better than the forner.
Well, she was all alone and I am assuming she didn't use to mix with other people at all. So, first of all, from where she got these books? Stolen? That is unlikely. And the books are the books of normal people. So, I wonder what the case is. A witch reading books is not at all very typical. Good job on getting out of typical.
The 2nd and the 4th line don't really rhyme with each other in this stanza as it does in the other stanzas. And this witch is seriously extraordinary. Like who likes things that misportrays one's own nature. I am yet to find out...
Yes, she was extraordinary indeed and no normal witch. I guess the only quality of the typical witch representation she had was that she could do magic. Also, I have another question. Did other witches exist in the World or at least was she aware of any? Were they too of the type represented in the books? Seems so...
Why were children certainly disgusting and why does it differentiate her from the other witches? I couldn't really understand that. Also, the rhyme seems to be forced. "Trusting" is not really the word here. It's trustworthy or "trustable".
Well. Seems like other witches too existed but maybe she didn't like them and didn't mix with them. But well, she did feel pity for them. Strange. She is quite a strange woman.
I know something. Guess what. This story is set in old times because at present, there are plenty of books showing witches are good human beings. And yeah, seeing thenself as a protagonist is the dream of many people. Something which I wonder is the use of word "she". Here she refers to the particular witch and no one has written a story on her. So, maybe just make it witches and wizards or something similar.
Definitely a good idea but not so when the whole society is against it. I mean it would be of some trouble. Put a comma after study. And maybw just write it as if no one writes rather than will write.
Again and been are not perfect rhymes. I do have a solution. Maybe just write the 2nd line as "and revised to win". I don't know how it sounds. It just came ti my mind and I told. She really put a lot of efforts and I guess her magic helped her to complete it in one day. XD. Though it's no mentioned, it feels like she completed it very fast.
I don't think "but" works very well here. Just remove it. But could be used if the situation took a turn towards bad but fortunately it didn't. A good end we have here. Seems like it was published and people realised the truth. I don't know, that could be a theory or else, maybe she just felt good for having beem completed the book showing her as a protagonist. The latter seems to be more prominent.
SUGGESTIONS
You should put punctuations. There was an extreme lack of punctuations which shouldn't be there. And sometimes, this lack of punctuations often result in the obstruction of the flow.
Then the length of each individual line. Just see the poem. You will understand it. There should a pattern of the length of the lines. Sometines they become long, sometimes very short. This shouldn't happen.
Overall, the poem was quite good and had a bit of humor in it.
Keep Writing!!!
~Forever
Hey! This poem is really good, I like how you've kept to the rhyme scheme perfectly. I too feel that witches aren't evil. What IS Evil, anyway? All are good if you look at the story from their POV.
So I stick with 'Hey, if you think witches are Evil, go read Harry Potter'
It's fun and poetic to read, I like that.
Don't take me wrong, but I just want to say that while keeping with the rhyme, in some places, you wander away from the theme. I'm not saying that's bad, but try to stay inside the theme. if the rhyme isn't perfect in places, that's okay.
But, overall, I think this poem is amazing and it perfectly describes what the villain would feel.
im pretty sure the trusting thing relates to the witch trusting others, like "she is a trusting person"
Hey, Ruby with a short review,
WWW (What went well):
- The rhyming is great
- Easy and joyous to read
EBI (Even Better If):
- MORE...I need more
- More detail at some points, there could be more stanzas in between some parts to really bring the imagery to life!
Overall, amazing effort and effect. I have really enjoyed the length and rhyme of this piece. I just need more!
Stay Safe,
Love Rubes x
Hey! I'm here to review your poem!
Before I get started, I agree that witches are totally misunderstood. Also, if you want to read a series with good witches, I recommend The Coven by Chandelle LaVaun, but I will warn you that it's a bit romance-y at parts.
Anyway, let's get started!
The rhyming is really good! I like how the pattern in the stanzas was abcb, because it didn't rhyme too much but it still did rhyme at parts, and for some reason I just really like that setup.
Also, the poem is really good for spreading awareness about how witches aren't always evil and how witches can do normal things, such as reading and writing.
I do think, though, that a few of the lines (but only a few) are a bit choppy. For example:
"But what to do with
All the time by herself?
Why, she'd sit down and
Read every book on the shelf!"
Here, I think that you ended the first line and the third line a little bit too early, because... well, it just makes the reading a little bit bumpy (if that wasn't too confusing).
Overall, I think you did a really good job with the poem!
Thanks for reading my review, and I hope you have a fantastic day!
Thank you for the review! I will take what you said into account!
This is a awesome poem! and I totally agree, witches are totally misunderstood.
Glows
I loved the way it rhymed- it made it way more light hearted and funny
The way you described your characters- the witch sees like a wonderful person (who I would like to meet)
Grows
some of the stanzas didn't fit- most of the stanzas were ok but one that stood out to me was
, "So sick and tired of
Her people being slandered
And books where her
Strife was overly pandered"
really its not that big a deal but your vocabulary in this stanza didn't fit the light hearted rest of the poem.
and thats all! this poem was incredible and I absolutely love it.
keep writing
your friend
Emivanz
Thank you so much for the review!