Young Writers Society

Hello Horisun.
The above poem is short and precise and I found it to be good in emotion. However, I would like to say that you should definitely work on your language. I understand the feel of this poem and I can see that it has been written in modern language on purpose. Yet, to someone who cherishes poetry, the language of this one seemed a bit of a turn off. Text can be kept casual without the usage of modern slangs too.
I would like to suggest the following improvements:
1. Instead of "feel like a dud", you could make it "feeling like a dud" or "you feel like a dud." This line follows from the previous one grammatically, and the previous lines say "you're stuck" or "(you're) feeling blue". Hence this should follow the same rules of grammar.
2. Instead of "don't got a clue" you could change it to "haven't got a clue" or "don't have a clue", since the current language is unprofessional.
3. You could change "and in great pain" to "and are in great pain", as it is grammatically correct.
4. The fragment "Miss the mark/ and (are) in great pain" is not complete on its own as a sentence and it surely follows from the previous one. I suggest you change the punctuation to make it right. The line "or the rain" should not end with a full stop, rather with a comma, and "Miss the mark" should not be capitalized.
5. "Your not lost" should be changed to "you're not lost" for grammatical reasons.
6. "When you tell me you're not lost" is lacking in clarity. It took me a while to understand why he/she should let you drive when they said that they're okay. For clarity, you could add a line which tells that they are actually not that great but are covering up and saying that they're not lost.
7. The double use of "Lemme" in consecutive lines was slightly a put off. You could change the first one to "Let me", thereby also slightly lengthening that line and making it in tune with the previous and the next lines, which are both longer.
8. "Stuck like glue" is a kind of an oxymoron which you used. "Stuck" suggests that you aren't willing to be with the other person and are forcibly stuck with them. However, "like glue" suggests that you would stay beside that person. I suggest you change it to "but we stick like glue" to counter the discrepancy.

All the above are just suggestions, which you could take into account if you feel like. The feel of the poem, however, is quite good.
Keep writing.

Hello there! My name is M and I'm here to (again) tell you how awesome you are. Let's begin.

I'll start off by saying I am definitely not a fan of poetry unless it's Edgar Allan Poe. But this. This was good stuff! I enjoyed it, which is saying a lot for me. It was easy for me to read and understand, all the while working the masterful rhyming, word choice, similes, metaphors, etc. I really liked the rhythm of it all and the tone you set. It's sweet and reliable and the kind of friendship that most people crave.

Ahem. But there is, however, one teeny tiny insignificant detail that I feel like I should point out. It's silly, honestly. It is but a speck in the grand scheme of things and it can be fixed in a flash. In line 9, where you wrote "your". It should be "you're". Common mistake.

But dude. Great job!

-M

Hi Horisun!

It's a compact — simple but solid — poem where the speaker assures their friend that no matter what, they'll [/i]stick[/i] around and be supportive.

Some of the words work to great effect.

When you trudge through the dark

When you tell me your not lost