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I'm a statue

by Horisun


I am a statue.

I am the statue of grace,

I am a statue of a dove,

I am the statue from your nightmares,

I am the statue of love.

I am the statue you constantly fear.

I am the statue of grace.

I am the statue of an angry face.

You fear me,

Because I stare at you,

Because I'm a terrifying statue.

I'm the statue of those you love,

I'm the statue of those you hate.

I'm that statue in the shadows,

whos eyes follow you.

I am a statue.

I glare at you.

But that's only because I'm a statue


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846 Reviews


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Sun Jan 27, 2019 1:21 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there Horison,
For some reason this poem brought up fond memories of a childhood song, The Statue Song... I think it was the repetition present in this poem and in the song. You might give it a listen, it's fairly catchy!

Anyways let's get to the review.

Interpretation | Meaning
I could figure out if the poem was sort of a tongue in cheek - poem that was supposed to become really meaningful and then the reader learns it's all a hoax when they realize the statue is not a symbol for anything but is simply what it appears to be.

Or if you intended for the statue to represent these different things of grace and love and self and fear. Based on the turn in the last line, as well as the genre selection of "humor" I'm going to say it's probably the first option. I don't think everyone loves the "pulled the carpet under your feet" poems - because it makes the reader feel tricked at the end - and you don't necessarally want the trick to be "this means nothing! fooled you!" but there is something undeniably funny about this trick.

You could put a bit more narrative doubt in the end, by having the last line be "or am I?" or something that causes them to question whether there is really meaning or not, this allows the reader a little grace so that they don't feel completely tricked at the end.

I think the concept without the twist of humor at the end might be more compelling though, just in that I haven't seen a poem like that personifying statues while I have seen this "pull the carpet out on the last line" trick about a dozen times - so I think that might even be a neat avenue to go for a future poem.

Praise
I think the repetition was done well in this poem, because it makes it really noticeable when the poem switches attitudes from observant to fearful - because it disrupts the pattern of "I am, I am I am".

I think you could make the leap from observation to fear a little more clear though - why did they shift from passive viewer to fearful viewer? That would help me connect to the poem a bit more.

Capitalization and punctuation seemed fine - although I'm not sure if the lack of punctuation was intentional to "leave the reader hanging" or if you just missed it.

Suggestions

Another aspect I think could be added and developed would really be the imagery - statues are just really neat to look at and there are so many different types - is it a human shaped statue? made of stone? is it cold? where is it? Why does it represent love and grace and fear and all these things -- I think if you chose a specific statue to look at and describe or thought of one in your mind and described it through the poem it would help it connect a bit more, and imagery is just always a good poetic element to have because it engages the reader's mind and helps the poem "come alive"

Overall

Overall, what a neat concept! Like I said earlier, I haven't really read a poem with these elements before, and I will happily take a break from reading and writing the dark heart-sick poetry I normally run into for some horror/humor any day! It's interesting. I think you could stick a couple more poetic elements in their to hone this poetry a bit more to really develop it from more than a one-liner joke, into an imaginative sort of thought experiment for the reader. Good luck in your future writing and editing!


Let me know if you have any questions about the Review please, and happy Review Day!

~alliyah

Image




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review! No, there isn't meant to be any symbols in this, it really is just a song that popped into my head that I decided to post! :D As for the last line, I could've sworn I fixed that punctuation error when I read through it last!
Happy review Day!
(And go Reviewing Flames)



alliyah says...


You're welcome!



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274 Reviews


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Reviews: 274

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Sun Jan 27, 2019 12:52 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi there @Horisun I am here to do a review on your poem here, bye the way grate length.

b]what I am not shore about[/b]

I am a statue.
okay so I fee like there is nothing wrong with this first line till the next line comes in and the next line after that, you will see that it is one word that makes the problem, for you say it to many times.

I am the statue of grace,
Okay you have said the word in bold twice so far, now you will see it comes up more.

I am a statue of a dove, Three times for the word in bold now, okay and I am not really shore quite what your getting at with the dove now, I mite understand it later but not really shore.

am the statue from your nightmares,
okay fourth time saying the word in bold, and this line sounds creepy anyways.

I am the statue of love.
Five times now.

I am the statue you constantly fear.
sixth time now.

I am the statue of grace.
okay now Seventh time, and you have all ready said this line some were else further up in the poem, so I think you need to change that line.

I am the statue of an angry face.
okay I think you get what I am trying to say here, I just feel like you say the same word to many times I no this is called Statue but I still feel like the world should not be there all most in every line, for it just gets a bit a noing, for you feel like your reading the same thing all the time. also another thing I picked up you rapeat some lines that you all ready said a lot here.

what I like most
I like the last lines most, not quite shore why but I did like those most, I think this is really good but I do think there are things that need work here.

So that is all that I can say about this poem, if I came acrose as being really harsh and rood I am really sorry can you pleas for give me, So keep up the grate work

@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Happy review day. :D




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!



Dossereana says...


Welcomed.




The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown