Hi! Plume here, with a review!
I actually really adore this poem! It's such a cool concept. I love the Destiny's eye portion. It a really interesting take on fate and such, and the way you described it was so great. It really emphasizes the fact that the narrator feels insignificant, thus being overlooked by the eye of destiny.
The way you described it as being behind a locked door was also really interesting. I usually associate being locked somewhere with frustration, and I think you really conveyed all of the narrator's negative feelings throughout the poem quite well. There's nothing worse than watching everyone else experience something you can't, and the locked door is a perfect symbol to show a metaphorical or even physical block.
Critiques
It gives a look; and then it speaks
It asks my name; calls itself queen
They are destiny; they remember
For this part, you seem to be using two different pronouns for "destiny." I think you switched to "they" to refer to the entire being of destiny rather than just the eye, which was the "it," but it's still slightly confusing. I think you should just consistently refer to it as it.
Another thing I have to say is that the ending seemed a little abrupt. This is a short poem, but I think it was more the fact that you decided to separate all of the words in the last phrase in separate lines. It stunted the flow a little and rather than having the most impact, it diminished it. Small phrases do have the most conclusive feel, though, so rather than putting them all on one line, I think it would sound better if you structured it something like this:
And through the window
I see everyone else
Who were always meant to be
Remembered
Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem! I think it's structured beautifully and the concept is phenomenal. I feel like I didn't emphasize how much I love the concept, but I really do. It's really great. Anyways. Keep writing, because you've got major talent!!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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