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How You Know Your Friends

by Horisun


When I'm alone,
And then you’re there,

I'm an apple,
Then we're a pear.

When I'm hurt,
your at my aid,

When I cry,
You won't let me fade.

But 

When you tease,
I tease right back.

When we run,
We race around the track.

In detention,
It's always a double.

Together,
We're always in trouble.

At our house,
Your right at home,

At your house,
I'm free to roam.

'cause I'm bro,
And your super bro.

As a team,
We'll face any foe.


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11 Reviews


Points: 369
Reviews: 11

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Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:57 am
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ReeN_beNa says...



Yo! wooow i'm in love with this poem and every word in it. I love the easy, happy, tone it has and the rhymes in it. What's your secret? would you care to share? hahaa




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13 Reviews


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Reviews: 13

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Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:13 pm
stinasobi wrote a review...



Haha omg, I love this XD. It's so cute and shows the depth of the friend's relationship in a light and fun way. The rhymes especially compliment this piece, and I appreciate the apple pear pun a lot ahha. I really don't know of anything I'd change, the writing was clear, the tone explicitly defined, and the stanzas flowed together. I wouldn't mind reading a short story about the adventures these friends embarked on ;)
Nice work :D




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review! :D



stinasobi says...


Npppppp



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6 Reviews


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Reviews: 6

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Mon Dec 09, 2019 6:00 pm
KaPo21 says...



This poem was very wonderful. I loved the way that you used playful words in your rhyming and yet you were able to prove a point. This poem was very touching in a way that I have never felt for from anything I've ever read. This poem was 4 out of 5 stars. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 You must have a really great friend that can inspire you to write something as beautiful as your poem.




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!



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17 Reviews


Points: 552
Reviews: 17

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Mon Dec 09, 2019 12:57 pm
Softballgirl333 wrote a review...



Hello Horisun!

I will be reviewing you poem, and before I begin I just want you to know that I am not trying to be harsh nor critical, I just want to help you.

Suggestions

Horisun wrote: When I'm alone,
And then your there


The first thin I noticed is that you used the incorrect "your/you're" and in this case it should be "you're" Otherwise great opening stanzas.

Horisun wrote: But


I know it was probably intentional, but this stanza feels quite unnecessary in my opinion. I feel like your poem would continue on just fine without that break. It interrupts the flow of the poem. If you feel like you want to keep the "But" I would attach it to the beginning of the next stanza, but I honestly feel like your poem would benefit from removing it.

Horisun wrote: At our house,
Your right at home,

Again, the incorrect "your/you're" is used here, it should be "you're." The same goes for the line "and your super bro." it should be "you're."

Overall

I really enjoyed how you portrayed this friendship, and it is something I feel like quite a lot of people can relate to it. I like how you didn't try to force yourself to keep a rhyme scheme, but you still manage to fit all of your lines really well together. Ultimately, great job and I look forward to your other works.

Happy Writing,
SBG




Horisun says...


Thank you! I definitely agree with you on the 'But' thing. It does disrupt the flow.



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Mon Dec 09, 2019 3:32 am
JabberHut wrote a review...



Omg this was so lovely and fun. Totally a mood, let me tell you. You do such a great job depicting the BFF relationship that I just adore, honestly. I think my favorite part is the play on words in the second couplet:

I'm an apple,
Then we're a pear.


So clever omg. (I think the sentence would make more sense with "and" instead of "then" since this continues off of the first couplet's sentence, but that's a minor thing. Still super appreciated the play on words here!)

There were some spelling mistakes, but this really shines its brightest when spoken aloud anyway. It's just such a fun little ditty with a fun melodic flow to it. I love how it refers to specific scenarios that are easy to relate to and easy to picture.

I'd have loved to see more reference to the shenanigans that could potentially get them in detention, or how they refer to themselves as bro and super bro (and also why the other one is super bro?!). This could potentially lengthen the piece though, so it's totally our call. I'm all about the story behind the poem, but sometimes, it's unnecessary for the piece. I just see two characters here with such intriguing personalities and a colorful history that was teased in some of these couplets, so I clearly just want more.

The rhythm was a little rough here and there, but again, I was just far too engrossed with how fun this piece was and how much it made me smile. It gave me happy feelings and happy memories and I just loved it! Well done!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!



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Points: 162
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Mon Dec 09, 2019 2:07 am
brookeallo says...



This is awesome. This is me and my bestfriend summed up. I think the poem is really good becuase it's easily relatable for everyone. I like the happy upbeat tone also. There's a nice flow to it and rhyming.




Horisun says...


Thank you!




No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words