Nibble, Nibble
At my skin
Why bother me?
Bumpy blemishes
Red marks
Run along my knee
No matter what I do
Not even the metric
Ton of insect spray
Can keep them all
Buzzing, buzzing
Far, far, away
Oh how I wish
So very dearly
That all these
Cursed creatures
These bloodsucking
Creepy-Crawlies
Would stop bugging me
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Ahoy there, fellow victim of the bee venom! My heart goes out to you, for I too have suffered the wrath of these creatures who make their living by nibbling away at our skin. But fear not, for though we may be plagued by these bloodthirsty beasts, we can take comfort in the fact that we are not alone in our plight. Because if we can't beat them, at least we can laugh at their expense! And now, with all that said and done, I bid you a most enthusiastic and bug-free "hi!"
People can easily relate to you and that's a great thing about writing. I write poems too, but I've never read one like this before. It is short and has the humor in it which is amazing and makes the poem even better. Bees can be pretty annoying sometimes and you've done a great job of saying that in the most perfect poetic way possible.
*
No matter what I do
Not even the metric
Ton of insect spray
Can keep them all
Buzzing, buzzing
Far, far, away
*
I agree with you so much, this part is just an explanation of what the problem is here. A "ton of insect spray" is not even enough.
-
*
Oh how I wish
So very dearly
That all these
Cursed creatures
These bloodsucking
Creepy-Crawlies
Would stop bugging me
*
This would probably be the best piece of poetry for me. I feel like you've been searching for hours to find the most perfect words to describe those cursed creatures, bloodsucking, creepy-crawly bees.
Well, it's time for me to buzz off, but before I go, let me wish you all the best. May your life be filled with as much sweetness as a hive full of honey, and may you never be stung by the troubles that life can sometimes bring.
-Rose
https://rosewriting12.blogspot.com/
Here's a lit comment coming your way! First, I love the pun at the end! Made me chuckle. This poem seems very shapely. The formatting makes it look a bit rounded or oval and that kind of highlights the image of the bumps from insect bites, to me. As always, really enjoy the rhymes you put into your poems -- "spray/away" is one of my favourites. c:
Aw, thank you so much!!
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I am really not used to reviewing poetry so I apologize beforehand for not being able to offer a detailed or very helpful review. I will share my general thoughts about it though!
I think my favorite thing about this poem is how simple and relatable it is. There is no hidden or underlying meaning behind the words. Its just a simple thought expressed in a fun and creative way, that is easy to understand and connect with.
I think the first two stanzas are my favorite because of how naturally and effortlessly they flow. The situation is so very believable that I can almost feel the irritation and annoyance that the poet was trying to capture here. Also, that "why bother me?" is such an universally asked question, that it genuinely made me grin.
I agree with Spearmint about the 'metric ton'. Putting the words in separate lines kind of disrupted the flow for me and I stumbled a little before moving to the next line. The ending was again amazing, especially because of the poet's clear exasperation in the final stanzas. The 'buzzing, buzzing' was an especially nice touch as I could almost hear that irritating sound of mosquitoes zapping by my ear. I feel as though the poem reflects the collective annoyance of human beings when faced with these 'cursed, blood-sucking creepy-crawlies'.
Hope I was able to help somewhat with this review! Thank you for sharing such a fun and relatable poem!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Thank you for taking the time to review!
Hey there, Horisun! mint here with a review ^^ It's been a while since I've reviewed poetry, but I'll do my best. xD
Overall, I found this a cute and relatable piece (bug bites are definitely annoying!). The rhyming words in the last line of each stanza are a nice touch. C: The short lines in this poem also give it a bouncy feeling, which I like! I can almost imagine the narrator saying a line, stopping to scratch a bug bite or swat away an insect, then saying the next line. =P
My favorite part of this poem would have to be the first two stanzas because they have a very pleasant rhythm to them. I don't know if you noticed this, but "Nibble, Nibble" and "Why bother me?" both have four syllables total, and "Bumpy blemishes" and "Run along my knee" both have five syllables total. I think that's one of the reasons I found those two stanzas so fun to read in my head.
Alright, now for some specifics...
This stanza didn't feel as smooth as the others to me. I think it's because I usually consider "metric ton" as kind of a word in itself. Like, the "metric" and the "ton" are associated with each other, if that makes sense. So when I read "metric," I looked for "ton," and it was a little jarring to have "ton" be on the next line. Perhaps ending the "Not even" line with a noun instead of an adjective would help it flow a little better? Just my thoughts! ^^
I love the wordplay here, lol. The choice to make this a single line instead of three like the other stanzas also helps it stand out, and I think it's a perfect ending to this poem!
Thanks for the fun read, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Thank you so much for the review! I definitely agree with you about the %u201Cmetric ton%u201D part. I felt there was something off about it but I couldn%u2019t place it
You're very welcome! :] <3