Ticks and tocks sound through empty space,
each chime falling into peaceful silence.
Hearts beat in accordance with its pattern.
Silence greeting a family,
who waits for a voice.
Unheard news weighing on their minds,
the dread of what is to be discovered.
Already having heard terrible news,
they sit hands clasped together.
Eyes closed to hide the bright startling
white that compose the hospital walls.
Thoughts flash through their minds,
whatever happened to their son?
Images of fire burning through
shattered metal across cracked concrete.
Misery is lurking at the edge of hearts,
waiting to drop within its caverns.
So many situations occurring in their minds.
The dreadful words that came with them.
Though after hours of waiting,
the doctor came out.
Her eyes cast down to the floor,
not wanting to share the news.
"He didn't make it."
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi Harry hear for a review: What a sad poem, made me cry because I lost my grandma in a hospital and when you did this part: Though after hours of waiting,
the doctor came out.
Her eyes cast down to the floor,
not wanting to share the news.
"He didn't make it." that is what happened with me and when I made it to this part I had let the tears fall. This poem says what you feel like and who you are, you are a nice person with a big heart and you feel pain and sadness with just a look. It shows that even after death you will always remember the person that you counted on for so long. Another thing that made me cry and smile was this: Silence greeting a family,
who waits for a voice.
Unheard news weighing on their minds,
the dread of what is to be discovered.
Already having heard terrible news,
they sit hands clasped together.
Eyes closed to hide the bright startling
white that compose the hospital walls. this made me cry so much because that gave that final image of the person you love but also the distance a family will go to help the person that needs it. great job expressing it hear and keep up the good work. This poem made me feel the pain and hope that was long ago lost in my heart and reminded me that no matter the problem my family was there for me and will always be. Keep it up and happy writing:)
Great poem. But one thing I must ask: why do so many poems have to be sad? I guess that that's the time when you're most obliged to write poetry. People won't get so stressed about all the stuff they've procrastinated that they frantically sat down and wrote a poem. That was a challenge.
I think it's a rather minute twist to the overly-used sad death poem. What I imagined in the first paragraph was the belongings of the person who is going to pass- the good ol' grandfather clock in its dusty room now empty, the silence is as you've described, matching the atmosphere. At this point I think it was exceptional, the very essence of the feels, and the scene of the room now silent. I anticipated the park where that unfortunate someone was feeling distant now, missing something; followed by the family mocked by the blaring silence, the conspicuous absence of this cheerful character...
It's a great poem, no mistakes, but ultimately it's just the good ol' cliches.
-jedd the doge, giving hard reviews because I can't stand flowery rainbows.
Your avatar makes sense with this poem, lol.
Anyway, this was hard to criticize, there were no mistakes that I caught.
So that means I can just give you advice.
First: How did the son die? A car crash, a disease or an injury? Now, that's only optional, but it defiantly makes the reader more interested.
Second: Other than sadness, what did the family do/feel/think?
Third: Try to explain who the son was. Brave, courageous, handsome...? This will make readers feel in a way to the son.
That's it, but I did like how this was more original than other sad poems.
Sad, but powerful and attention demanding. I love it.
Hello there, #00FF00 ">GreenTulip (Almost thought it had a space in between >.>)~
This is #0080FF ">Swordfish here with a review!
Alright, so summarizing the poem in the way it is presented to me, the reader, it is about a family awaiting news of another's (their son's) death/outcome/survival.
And in the end he didn't make it.
Alright, I honestly don't know how to feel about this because it's a death poem, and we already have a ton of those already. Unlike this one, I noticed the setting is different than most of what I have read. Instead it's at a hospital, and usually it's around places in which death is around a corner, or about the death itself. What sets it apart from these other "clichés" is that this poem is about the anticipation of the outcome (hense the title, Dreadful Waits). I've never seen this (not yet) before and I must give you some points for that.
Right now I'm feeling as if I'm showering you with the things you already know, so why not get to real stuff. I noticed no grammatical issues/mistakes, which is good. I think the wording is good, and most of the lines are to the point (assuming that is what you are going for). And the poem reflects a more serious moral, and you did a good job at making it work.
I'm going to the wrap up the review here. The poem was excellent, and you did well. Keep on writing!
~#0080FF ">Swordfish