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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
ooooooooooooooooooooooo this title is soooo gooood mmmm yes
A bit wordy, resulting in a loss of cohesion. Still, amazing use of symbolism and evocative imagery.
I'm not sure why but for whatever reason the part that stuck out to me the most was the use of 'you' in the sixth stanza, like this whole poem wasn't so much a homage to the mother in all her good or bad (which it felt like up until that point). That induction of a possible third person is perhaps my favourite part of this poem, next to the rich language.
There were a few moments the language fell a little flat (entirely subjective), like within the third stanza where you introduce additional weather elements like thunder. This might be due to my own associations with stormy imagery, but it lacks a poignancy that the first two stanzas establish.
However, despite this you come swinging in the next stanza which, next to the induction of a 'you' might be my favourite section. I can't get enough of this sort of thinning relationship because it signals a shift in the speaker's understanding of mother as a person, and a shift in the poem as well.
I'm in love with the juxtaposition between the pale milk branch of stanza six and the cigarette black days of stanza seven. This poem is full of so much colour, it's almost bursting at the seams (which I absolutely appreciate).
The end stanza is alarming. The shift is uncomfortable, but I'm not sure I dislike that about the poem. It feels like a natural progression.
Your poetry is as beautiful as ever.
DW
I love you and I love your poetry <3
Hey, I absolutely loved this poem, your writing is so beautiful! I am left utterly heartbroken after reading this, thank you so much for posting it.
Hi Audy! HarshLynx here! First off, I'm sorry it's taken so long for someone to finally review your amazing writing. Second, I love this poem! The style of it is so amazing and truly shows off your skill. Let me explain more.
Simply, the writing style - the way it's organized, the words, the length of stanzas, the sentence style - all reminds me of old English poems. And those are hard to right! Many people try, many people fail. What makes your writing even more amazing is the fact that the subject of the poem is set in a very modern time. Combining old english style poetry with modern ideas is a fantastic idea and what makes it even better is the level of execution! Just to add icing on the cake, your writing was so clear and succint and so filled with imagery that I had no problems at all visualizing the scenes. Masterfully done.
And now, on to the part that every writer dreads: the criticism. Happily, there are barely any! At least that I could find. I'm not the most experienced with poetry so hopefully someone else will be able to provide better critiques. My one biggest concern is just the organization of the two collumns. When I first saw the poem I was slightly confused on which way to read. Collumn 1 then 2? Or just straight across going collumn to collumn. Of course, this could be due to a formatting error by the website since it looks like this was uploaded and typed in. Of course, if that's not the case, I would reccomend putting the two collumns of writing all in one line sipmly so that the reader can get to your masterful writing that much faster.