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by Audy

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128 Reviews

Points: 2228
Reviews: 128

Wed Jun 21, 2017 4:44 pm
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beccalicious94 wrote a review...

Hi Audy! Becca here for a review.

I've read this poem several times this week, but didn't think I had anything worth saying to the great Audy. Until now.

This was a beautiful poem, I hope you know that. The imagery was touching, and it was packed with emotion. This wasn't a simple poem though. There's a complexity in here. We're not just getting a beautiful image, we're getting a pair of siblings with two different methodologies for coping with life. What a great idea! How siblings adapt differently to deal with the hardships of life. We have one sibling frantically working in a metaphorical hive, buzzing, making honey, trying to stay afloat. That sibling sees their sister, who looks effortless as she passes through the world. How is she okay? And at the end, the narrator reveals that in order to stay alive, she has to burn all of her memories. To save herself from feeling all of the pain from her past, she starts over constantly, getting rid of both good and bad. Really living in the present to an extreme.

I loved the "silk-paper partnership," and the "crinkle-child flowers," and how they come back towards the end. I thought the line "pyro-peach feelers like lashes for the never-blinking," was creative and wonderful.

You weave in the anecdote of the grandmother seamlessly. I love it for its memory value, and how it has a function in the poem explaining the sister's methodology. The actual memory is full of sensory details as well.

I think the message of the poem could be simplified as, "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." As hard as the narrator has it, their sister has it bad too, it just seems like she has it together.

I thought the ending was perfect. You showed the ephemeral nature of the sister's methodology. It didn't seem forced or like you were tying the poem up with a bow at all.

Overall, really great piece of writing. You should be proud of yourself! Hope to read more of your work! :D

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268 Reviews

Points: 550
Reviews: 268

Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:50 pm
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marms says...

this is magical :0

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284 Reviews

Points: 4250
Reviews: 284

Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:36 pm
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RubyRed wrote a review...

Hello, Audy!

I must say I absolutely adored this, especially since I do some beekeeping myself. I believe you were telling the story from sort of the bees' perspective, and it was so calming. It definitely was worth the read! And I loved the personification. The beginning grabs you, and touches you with a sense of imagination but also realism. I loved it! Can't wait to read more from you!


I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats