i refuse to take the night

I like the fact when i read this it just takes me in. It's like I'm there on the sidelines whatching this play out. Shoot, i would really love if this was apart of a book. If it was, then i would tottaly read it. You did a great job Aley!

Awww, you wrote this for me <3 I'm flattered.

Overall this poem wasn't the easiest thing to get into, but I liked it when I did get into it. For me, the hard thing was reading it. I tripped up on some of the words frequently and I had to really fight the habit to stop at the end of the stanza and just read it through. One of the spots where I find a hiccup is the second line, so I haven't really even gotten into the poem yet before I run into it. "my windows screen" in my natural dialect, I would say window screen even if I meant window's screen, so having to say windows - screen suddenly was difficult.

After that, it is really hard sometimes to know if you mean light, as in ray of light, or light as in good, or light as in a small flicker in a computer, which is typically the one I go with. This makes for a very interesting poem to read because of all of the different denotations Light has. Then combine that with all of the connotations and you could go on for years.

"Everblue screen computer light" makes me think of the Blue Screen of Death, just FYI, not a light representing power.

The fourth stanza really changes the tone of the poem from something impersonal and metaphorical to something heavily tangible and realistic. It's a bit of a jump and it makes me wonder what happened to the steeds and the epic chase going on. The transition line you have, the first line of the fourth stanza, works well enough to change the mindset, and seeing Dylan Thomas down a line made me giddy with excitement. For me having that be the only thing capitalized really makes me feel like he is being worshiped in this poem and called up as a god, as if the Odysseus of our day.

The next stanza feels like it's grasping at straws, personally. I think I see what you're trying to do, associate robots with the individual to switch into zombies, but I think the first line needs to be revised to be clearer. For me, sight is enlightenment, and that means it does not go with routine. Enlightenment has nothing to do with routine from my perspective. That being said, I love the image of dawn being a bleeding edge, but I don't think it fits into this poem well like this.

The last stanza is very interesting for me because it feels like it goes back to the fourth stanza, where the individual has all of this time to write, but they do not. However, I don't see how zombies get into this system. Perhaps it's just not clicking for me yet, or perhaps I just need more of an explanation for the metaphor, but I feel like you did it as a nod instead of to really reflect what the poem needs. All the same, I love how you rewrote the last lines "I the fuse" = "I refuse" very nice. "scream come" = "Screen com..." The echoing is very well done.

My suggestion would be to slim down the symbolism and select one or two symbols, then stick with that and 'reality' so we have something to hold onto through the poem.

Hello there Audy! Tucker here with your review! Okey dokey, to start I just simple adored this piece. It was brilliantly written and you had such excellent imagery. On top of that you managed to create the three most important things of a poem nearly without flaw: Wonderful imagery, smooth wording and flow, excellent vocab and exciting words. You nailed all three of those and continued to keep that smooth flow throughout the entirety of the poem, quite impressive.

On a separate note, I was confused as to why you didn't use any periods or capitals. I'm fine with the no capitals but it seems that the no periods doesn't really add or take anything away from your poem. Of course grammar is entirely up to the writer, but I'd suggest you add those in. Furthermore, I like how you didn't capitalize things, but if you do that writing style, you should capitalize the "i"s, it just looks sloppy in my opinion when they aren't capitalized.

" the blue blinks ever on (as if) in fright,"

I think that parenthesis are almost never necessary in writing, and if you have the choice to take them out I would suggest you do so. You could either cut the "as if" or just remove the parenthesis here.

Loved the ending with the zombies. And just the entire image and idea of the poem. You make it so smooth and it sounds just amazing. I loved reading every word of your excellent writing. As usually you're an amazing poet and I enjoy getting to read and review your works. I rarely give likes to poems, but you won one off me . Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!


TuckEr EllsworTh

This is seriously amazing. "I refuse to take the night" is amazing. Ughhhh. I should come back and review this. Remind me. So good.