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The Egret

by Audy



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Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:09 am
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Master_Yoda wrote a review...



You're an amazing poet Audy, and I miss this. A little bit on the melancholic side for my tastes, though. We still have dreams and still have dreamers and the dispassion that you envision seems from a worldview too bleak for me to identify with.

Thank you for sharing your perception and I value your perception, for I fear in many ways it adequately describes a certain portion of our home. Still, the America I know has as much vibrancy as she does indifference and there is still much to rejoice about.




Audy says...


:O Yoda <3

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts :) I actually agree with you, here. Melancholy is just too rich a subject for me to delve into, pleasure in misery and all that. Something for me to mull over in the editing stages, perhaps a line or two to resolve the conflict of the piece should surely be the stronger resolution. You bring me food for my thoughts, thank you :)



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Thu Jan 19, 2017 11:15 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here for a review!

This is lovely. The first thing I wanted to note is that I couldn't tell if the style it was taken is a stylistic choice or just how you had to take it. It looks a little odd, but near the end I think I like the sort of blurry effect it has on the word "America" but that could just be me. Jumping right into the poem, I thought that this was a rather odd choice of a bird to write a poem on as well as this being a political poem. From first impressions, I know that the egret as well as herons are said to symbolize prosperity but at the moment I don't know if that's what you were going for.

Kicking off with my thoughts on the first stanza, the flow does feel a little awkward in the second line onward and it starts off with the end of the second line with "so changed". It's something that confused me since I'm assuming that the line after it is a new line and isn't supposed to be read along with the second line, but I wasn't quite sure of what you were doing here. I also don't think I've ever heard of orange egrets before, though that might be something to learn up on and it could potentially relate to the poem, but I'm not completely sure.

I actually prefer and like that this poem doesn't use full punctuation, as I think it fits. I think that the egret is coming back after migrating (that's how I'm interpreting it anyway) and seeing that the city or place has changed since the last time it was visited. I really enjoy the subtlety of not only this, but the rest of the poem is well executed on it as well though at points the lines feel a little too vague.

The second stanza didn't really have any problems with it though I have to say I love the imagery up to this point in the poem and wanted to note that you do well on that. In the two-liner with the rooster calls, I don't know how much I liked the word "croaked" to describe how the bird was making the sounds because that's not really how I imagined it, but that's something small.

Stanza three has awkward wording in the first couple of lines but straightens itself out after this. How I'm interpreting this stanza is that the egret's home has been destroyed (which is pretty straightforward in the poem, but I don't know if it was perhaps a forest fire or by someone else who set it on fire. Originally, I thought it was people who were destroying her habitat but that doesn't seem to be the case on a second look, or at least to me it doesn't seem so.

Stanza five and six are ones that I've been conflicted on, and while I liked them, they weren't as strong. They feel a little tangled up in their own wording. I think that having a strong vocabulary and having strong sentence structure is great in poetry, but for me the both of them were a little twisted and knotted. In the last stanza, the speaker says that they were both souls who had lost their homes and I was a little confused because the speaker hadn't had a real focus on them in the poem beforehand.

It comes out of the blue a bit. The last line is a strong one and ultimately, this is quite the beautiful piece from you, Audy. I'm still wondering a bit where you got your inspiration from for this and how this related to America. I got the symbolism to an extent, but I didn't know if there was anything more that I missed.

I hope I helped and have a great day! <3




Audy says...


Thank you for reading & reviewing! <3 your thoughts are super helpful. It's definietly made clear to me some trouble spots. Thanks for catching!


From first impressions, I know that the egret as well as herons are said to symbolize prosperity but at the moment I don't know if that's what you were going for.
huh. I didn't know about the heron symbolism, does the interpretation of the symbol of prosperity croaking america feel off to you? ;)

Tomorrow is a new dawn in america so choosing to write about the heron of the dawn/orange egret seemed appropriate. Any added symbolism is a gift you've given me :3 thank you. <3



Kaylaa says...


huh. I didn't know about the heron symbolism, does the interpretation of the symbol of prosperity croaking america feel off to you? ;)


Just a tad. :p

Also, I'm glad my review helped! ^^




"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."
— Fredrich Nietzche (Philosopher)