Hi Audster!
I think it's only fair that I do come along and review this, since you were an angel and wrote it for me! I think the images are gorgeous and I love what you're saying. It's beyond what I expected from our chat suggestions and I think you officially blew mine out of the water.
I'm not sure about the end couplet, which I think you knew I might not be sure about! It connects to the poem, of course, but I think that the suggestions (comedic of course) shake out the sense that the poem actually had. Without that couplet and the title, you'd have a lyric poem for definite. More particularly because the poem says something lovely, but totally untrue, since there are no ugly onion layers, and my pen friend is an amazing writer, always.
I don't mind the lack of capitalisation at all, I think its part of that suggestion of childhood and spreading wings - you never have to worry about colouring inside the lines if you don't have an outline. that works here, there's a sense of freedom and endlessness to this poem which carries really well in your style - I feel like your style here is slightly different to what it is usually, is that the subject matter or just this sense of cohesion I get from this? your poetry is always good but I feel like this has some kind of concrete feel to it (disregarding those final lines, which I find disconnected) which is not always present in your other poetry.
I hope the idea that this poem which was an experiment and is in humour is a super good poem and I love it doesn't offend you. Why would it offend you though? I don't know! I just love it, consider writing more prompted poetry, I think it gives you a sense of purpose and intent which shows through the writing.
Thank you again
♥♥
Points: 240
Reviews: 896
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