Boy folds love in cranes
delicate
the way paper kisses his palms
hours later
there are thousands
and he bleeds
there are thousands
the way paper bleeds his boy love in cranes
he later folds kisses
and palms delicate hours
love the Boy
his palms way are thousand folds
and there bleeds cranes
paper delicate
he later kisses in hours
in later hours he bleeds paper
the way love folds thousands
Boy kisses delicate palms
and there are his cranes
Thanks to Kitty for the inspiration! And Penguini for the motivation!
Hello, My name is Kyla and I'm leaving a review! 
I love the way you put this, I think it is very neat and interesting! I love how it captures you and it sticks to the main idea. I haven't heard of this piece before but I think it is very good work!
Why hello there, did you really think you could escape a review from me?
Specifics
1. I absolutely love the layout of this, how it arches around and it looks like a moon and has that whole semi-circular feel to it which mirrors so nicely the repeats. Your layout is spot on, dear.
2. I agree with the others on the placement of delicate being a little off in the first stanza. Perhaps...
Boy folds love in cranes
the way
delicate paper kisses his palms
hours later
there are thousands
and he bleeds
there are thousands
the paper bleeds his boy love in cranes
he later folds way kisses
and palms delicate hours
This is too perfect to review. This is just amazing. Smart. Clever. The fact that you use no punctuation makes it pure. The use of the vocabulary is perfect, the way you re-use the same words to create different meaning, images and definitions of love is incredible.
Purely thought provoking.
This a very lovely, whimsical poem you've got here. I normally don't like poems or writings having to do with love, as they tend to be too mushy-gushy for my taste, but I found this poem to be very simple and beautiful, so kudos to you! I like the first stanza the best out of the whole poem; it's what caught my attention to read the poem in the first place. I also enjoyed the last two lines of the first stanza a lot too:
"there are thousands
and he bleeds"
It adds a sort of dramatic, choppy element to the poem, which I like a lot. Overall, I love the image it evokes, of love, and I like how you simply refer to this character as "the boy". The repetition is nice as well, and gives it a lyrical style. The only big issue I have is the formatting, which I am not sure is intentional or not, but is easily fixed if you want it to be. To me at least, it detracts from the beauty of the poem and turns readers off, but based off just words alone, it was a pleasant read.
Thanks for sharing, and keep it up!
Magpie said what I wanted too -- the placement of delicate in stanza #1 is awkward and I don't like it there. It's hanging there, out of place, and refuses to be adverbial and ruins what is otherwise such a lovely opening stanza.
The last stanza is my favourite.
Stanza #3 is the one that needs some work. I don't really like "his palms way are thousand folds." It's almost impossible to suggest how else you could change it around though! One to work on perhaps, though?
Really difficult to critique a poem like this. Hope this helps a little. I really enjoyed it and the words you chose to use, though!
Hey there.
Wow. Beautiful. And a wonderful idea to rearrange the words and make them completely different stanzas. I also appreciate how you keep the capitalization of Boy consistent throughout the whole piece. It really makes you focus on the main character.
There's only one thing. One little word that I have difficulty with. Delicate. In the first stanza. I don't really like where it's placed. Because it's after the first line, my brain tells me it should be an adverb. But the other part of me argues that it should just be "delicate" because of the format of the rest of the poem. You could put it before love in the first line. "boy folds delicate love in cranes" Or put it before cranes "boy folds love in delicate cranes."
I mean, leave it if you want. It's beautiful the way it is. But maybe, just maybe move that one word so my brain will stop screaming "ADVERB."
This is truly beautiful. You're wonderful.
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