The first two
years are comprised of these moments
as the day bruises
and your face reanimates
from the dark.
I say,
Hey honey, you've been sleeping
for the past eight hours laying
on 1512 pieces of jigsaw puzzles.
But it doesn't matter
I've been digging them out
from underneath broad, slumped shoulders
assembling them back together for old time's sake.
When you stand,
estranged puzzles fall
out of your hair the way snowflakes
dissolve and I see the incomplete pictures
on the floor as indoor puddles
and ruined carpets.
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Canary word: Present
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The theme I'm getting from this poem is of a person trying to put back together the pieces of a ruined but once deep relationship. That relationship has been strong enough in the past that it takes up a 1512 piece jigsaw puzzle, but it has now fractured into its individual pieces and as anyone who has done a 1512 piece jigsaw knows, it's nearly impossible to put back together (nevermind that there's always that one missing piece!).
I think this theme is emphasized in your poem through the speaker's almost Sisyphean struggle. Every time she undertakes the Herculean efforts to assemble pieces of the puzzle ("I've been digging them out / from underneath broad, slumped shoulders"), the other person does some action that causes the puzzle to once again fall apart ("When you stand / estranged puzzles fall"). The memories of the past begin to slowly drift away as the pieces simply dissolve like snowflakes, leaving her with a sense of abandonment in the end as she stares at indoor puddles and ruined carpets.
However, I'm not entirely sure that's the theme you were going for as the first stanza kind of stands out as offering a different perspective. For example, take the "as the day bruises" line. A bruise is something that shows up only after the fact; it's a reminder of a past injury. So that line combined with the first two gives a sense that the first two years were not kind; that something tragic happened. And then you mention that the other person's face is reanimating from the dark, which would seem to mean that the person is turning away from anger. So putting the first stanza altogether, it gives the impression that the early years were not good years, but things are getting better.
Yet the rest of the poem is very different, evoking feelings of resignation, regret, and longing. The first stanza simply seems like it exists in a different universe.
But, I love the imagery you employ as well as your choice of words. This is a beautifully written poem that has a strong emotional underpinning to it. You also employ metaphors to great effect as there's not only the overall metaphor of the jigsaw puzzle, but there are other metaphors as well such as the snowflakes, the indoor puddles, and the day bruising. Aside from the disjointedness of the first stanza (which may entirely be due to my exceptionally low reading ability!), this poem was absolutely superlative. Thank you for sharing.
You, sir are awesome!
Thanks for highlighting the disjointed ideas between the stanzas - that was something I completely overlooked and you are right about what it evokes. I think the confusion in perspectives comes from the act of trying to write something in hindsight, but still trying to keep it to the moment. I didn't mean to evoke hope with "reanimate", as I mostly meant waking from sleep -- like how you might spend the first two years pretending and then come to a realization. I might change up the words a bit.
I'll see about fixing that first stanza and making that more clear somehow, but my intentions were definitely more in line with stanzas 2-4.
Thanks so much!
Heyo! Basil here to review
And though normally numbers are better written in words than as numbers, the 1512 pieces of jigsaw puzzles actually fits, and I love your precision. You're wording is magnificent, and the all together style is actually quite captivating.
Ok, at first, I found the setting out of the verses a little confusing, and then I got the feel of it. The words have a sort of chilling effect to them, as well. Slightly creepy, but in a good way
Well done and keep up the amazing work!!
Curious...
^?
Oh man. It was supposed to be this picture. I resized it thinking it'd show up better and look what it does! smh
ah.
I loved this poem. I didn't quite get it though. Quite short, but with lots of emotion. It flowed well and I liked it. I have to ask, How did you get the number 1512 for the number of jigsaw pieces? Is this you? Or did this just come to you? Anyway, I liked it a lot, and I enjoyed reading it. Your adjectives were descriptive, but you didn't go overboard. I loved your poem a lot and enjoyed reading it. I have to ask, where did you get the inspiration? Where did you get the motivation? Thanks for sharing this poem.
Thank you for your review ^_^ I'll see if I can answer all of your questions, but if I may ask what part of the poem confused you?
> 1512, because all of the CRAZY jigsaws come in 1500ish pieces.
That's also the year Michaelangelo's painting on the Sistine Chapel was exhibited for the first time. c:0 ~Okay, let's go with that!~
> Most of my inspiration for poems comes from life experiences, or random objects in the room at the time. I just try to write regularly for the good of my health c:
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment and ask questions. =^-^=
~ Auds