My Atlantis

Audy! Yay, more poetry!

First, just in your first stanza, I'm confused as to what you're doing with tense. You have "sinks," "drifting," "assailing" and "left." Present, two gerunds, and past tense. It's not a matter of pick one, but rather a matter of consistency - "drifting" could be "drifts", then I think you need some sort of separator other than a line break to justify the use of "left" - otherwise, I want it to read "leaving me marooned..."

With this stanza, too, I want to trim it down to essentials. I feel like I'm almost missing something, because I'm weighed down in words/wording, mostly wording. Like, if you don't mind me messing a bit more with your first stanza?

Atlantis sinks in a glass sea,
a skipping stone's distance
from assailing thunder
that drifts further from my reach,
leaving me marooned in agony.

Ok, obviously that isn't a great revision, but I feel less bogged down by changing tense and the ensuing structural changes. Did I mention how much I love your first line? Because I do. Completely.

Just a few more notes, since all I have is more of the same - "seems" is a weak word, here. Trash it! "Tubular" reads clunky, I think - I've tripped over it every time I've read it. Not sure how I feel about the final stanza with the first and last lines rhyming. Also can't decide if I love or hate (which is probably a good thing!) "Barnacles, these happily/ever afters" - maybe it's because it's barnacles that I go, "Whaaaaaat?" but the rest just makes me happy. As does the rest of the stanza, too.

OH! Um. One last teeny bit of playing. Because, like. It sounds cool in my head (which is probably the only place it will, but I'm sharing anyway)

I try to reel back in,
but the fisheyes rise,
dead and grim

Anyway! Lovely stuff, Audy! I had fun sinking my teeth in to this a bit (and I hope I didn't leave any bite marks!)

Bek