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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
That is a super cool animation. This reminds me of the one insane rant thing on a shirt on the tiktok shop. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Am I just insane? Anyway, really good. I liked it a lot, though it took me a while to get to the end. Blanks for eyes? I don't really understand that part. A poem that exudes madness but conveys a message. Definitely a mental asylum esque poem. All that aside, I really liked it a lot.
Oh wow, this is amazing! Can I ask how did you created this poem? It looks fantastic ^^
Just coming across this poem for the first time and @Audy I am absolutely in love with both the idea and the execution! There's something kind of great about not being able to consume the poem all at once too - you control the pace the reader can read the poem creating anticipation but also making the poem feel more temporary / fleeting / rare -> and at the same time because it repeats the poem feels infinite; which is a cool juxtaposition. The idea of "forgetting repeating" also goes really well with the words the are continuing to repeat themselves of course - and I absolutely love being able to try read what it's like in the mind of a fish. Based on the title the poem could definitely be a metaphor for the writing process (& writer's block) in general, that we kind of repeat and repeat and get stuck in ruts or tanks, but sometimes good thoughts bubble up...
And definitely want to try some sort of gif-poem / cycling text poem one day.
This is a really nifty poem! The only critique I have is I'd love a little more incorporation of the title images into the poem itself; the typewriter-ribbons make sense as a metaphor of what's going on, or an additional image to add to what you're creating, but I don't get the sense that the poem is about those things so much.
Overall, I just love this!
I love this so much! Yes!
Oooh.
I have never seen a work like this before, I just sat back and watched it type away.
How did you do it? XD
However, I must say I found it a little annoying that you couldn't see the work in total if you know what I mean, it made your writing all segmented. And I know that is the point but yah... *is picky*
It's reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally cool.
And your imagesa and language are good.
Cool.
Kudos for creating something I have never seen before.
^_^ I used Speedbot to write it, and once you have it as a .gif image saved onto your computer, you can upload it through the publishing center as an image.
Cool. Might have to try that sometime.
LOL
Not that I'm copying your genius idea.
*hugs* Fanks.
Oh not at all! Try it! It's fun ^_^
Will do. ^.^
Hey, here to review
Just to start of, wow! The effect is awesome and really creative. I really enjoyed how you compared yourself/someone to a fish just waiting around, thinking, waiting, repeating. The humour from 'fin Morse code' was really funny , *smiles*.
Keep up the great work!!!
~From Pinkdinosaurs xx
This is so awesome Audy, how'd you do this.
Speedbot! and then just save the image and re-upload it into the publishing center.
In this context I am a fish too sounds off. Maybe leave it out to just jump into "my fins" or what was next? Rest was great fun with the scroll thing.
Sorry, but if your going to use this method then you need to write it like a slam and not like regular written poetry. The line about there being no wallpaper takes a minute or two to think about and by the time the reader has really had time to digest it the poem is half way done. See going into the poem I thought that there being no wallpaper was like you being in your thoughts typing away on a type writer and making yourself this freewrite but as you talked about the fish tank I just got more and more confused. C'mon Audy you can't possibly expect anyone to know what you mean by a 'wall tank' when you're throwing word after word at them. If it were written out I probably would still have tons of questions about what you're seeing, where you are and everything in between. To be honest it is way to cryptic to gain any type of meaning out of it. You lost me at wallpaper.
I'm not saying it's bad, we talked before about how I loved some of your stuff but I can't seem to understand this at all. It seems that clarity and simplicity were not taking into account when you wanted to make an image that throws word after word at your reader with no stop for reflection or trying to grasp an understanding.
Hey Monster ^^ Thanks always for your reviews! I agree with you on wall tank, I'll probably change that to fish tank or leave it as tank, thanks!
When you say it's too cryptic, can you elaborate? For example, I can see what you mean when you say that it's not as easy to digest a poem when it's presented word for word at a time, as opposed to reading it at your own pace. I can totally see that. I am just hoping that the writing is not cryptic, perhaps you can let me know if yes in fact the writing is cryptic? For example,
I can say:
"I am staring at an empty wall. "
Instead I said,
"There's no wallpaper here, no
hanging clocks."
is the first preferred for clarity?
Yes and Audy it's cryptic because when you say no wallpaper and no hanging clocks it's kinda like telling us everything that you're not seeing instead of what you do see. No one with certainty can tell that you are looking at a blank wall because you never told them. The first would be preferred but it's also bland as-is
Ahh! I see what you say. I like ambiguity and uncertainty, what I don't want is to be cryptic. There's a fine line and I've no way mastered it, but thank you so much for your feedback, I feel like I needed that.
Awesome!