the Green Thumb blues

by Audy

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published March 8, 2013

E - Everyone

In Aud's Poetry

PreviousNext
Sometimes, we plant things in our minds
and choose to water them.

It's why I can be so unhappy
(chewing on sunflower seeds
the honeysuckles, the lotus smokes).

I don't even like flowers—
             just met a guy who spoke ivy
             welts round the throat
             and my friend, the venus flytrap
             got us four drinks and sideways glances.
             
             I can see how he'd fall for incense stigmas:
             your foilage catches the midsummer but
             wanes on Holidays, the family graves.
             His wind leaves.
             
I try to keep a bee in my pocket,
fumble with it in fist,
but they're a season to taste,
and a sore thumb to swallow.



Thanks to Penguini & Karz for all the revising help.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Karzkin
Comment
Karzkin commented Comment · Mar 9, 2013

Oh you flatterer. Karz did very little. This is nice.

User avatar
Morrigan
Review
Morrigan wrote a review Review · Mar 8, 2013

Hi there, Audy.

Wow. This is great. I love it. The images really swept me away. Gosh darn it, I'm so envious of your talent in the field of poetry.

I'm afraid this review is mostly going to be filled with "gosh, I love this!" and not going to be filled with much help.

just met a guy who spoke ivy
welts round the throat
and my friend, the venus flytrap
got us four drinks and sideways glances.

This is my favorite stanza. I can't describe how much I love it.

The only thing that I would change, perhaps, is the first stanza.
Compared to the rest of the poem, it's rather plain. I mean, I'm not saying that it's bad, it's just not as attention getting as it could be. Honestly, I don't like the "in our minds" part, either. It's rather tell-y. It brings me out of the realm of the poem, and meta-thinking isn't really something I want to be doing right at the beginning of the poem. The "we" isn't working for me either. I don't know about other people, but the brings me out of the realm of the poem, as well as "in our minds."

Altogether, though, this poem is really really lovely, and you can easily change the first stanza. I bow to the glory of your imagery. I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy poeting!

User avatar
NoirLumiere
Review
NoirLumiere wrote a review Review · Mar 8, 2013

Hey there! Noir here, and I'll be your revhewer today. Let's rock.

First up: Concept. The way I read it was from the POV of a plant. If I read that wrong, I apologize. The concept of a poem from a plant's perspective was shocking and intriguing. It locked me in to read all of it.

Rhythm: I found the rhythm to be a bit awkward and it was hard for me to keep a beat to it. But that may be from my unfamiliarity of this poem's structure.

No grammar mistakes that I noticed.

Overall, it was a great concept, and no grammar mistakes. The rhythm was awkward, but that may have been my bad.

This gets my rating of 7/10

This is NoirLumiere, and there's your review. Good night, and kedp rocking.



And you have to flaunt the weird, my friends.
— Alex Fierro