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138,428 Literary Works • 672,118 Reviews
I thought it was quite confusing for poetry about Long Distance Relationships though I understand it.
When it gets to the third line, it can be confused for something humourus instead of something sweet. The first two lines, I really liked because I could relate to them though, to know of the hills the two in the relationship pass or come across then rise and fall of their breath because a distance relationship, when you spend time with them, in the silence you listen to their breathing, count the pace that the beats of their heart are with.
The three last lines confused me a little whether it was about a relationship between a family member, a friend or the person you share the relationship with because in that friendly way, you would eat their food, devouring their sandwiches but with a person who is your boyfriend/girlfriend, it would be more of this thing of trying not to devour their food.
I liked it overall.
Take account that this is my first review, dear.
I promise I'm not being sarcastic when I say this made me feel an itty bitty ache. Granted, I'm unsure if this poem regards a romantic love or the love of a family member. There's a slight conflict [though I honestly don't want to call it a conflict] between "rise and fall of your breaths" and "devour your sandwiches" since these are two very different sentiments, at least to me.
The analysis of breath is one of my favorite means of describing a romantic observation: it's so close and real and assuring. And on the other end, I associate "your [food]" with someone like a mother, grandmother, etc. So it mixes. Don't get me wrong in calling it a conflict earlier--because conflict isn't always a negative thing. There's more perhaps a duality caused by the contrast.
I'm not a fan of the peppy lulzy line 3--I know it keeps things upbeat and non-ache-y, but that's me and my preference. So ignore that.
While I don't connect to the possible parental longing, I do understand the other end--at least in a strong platonic sense, being broken by oceans and mountains. Short and sweet, Lemon. Short and sweet.
-Lumi