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The massive ice talon sat majestically in a shimmering diamond throne, her deadly tail gently sweeping from side to side as she watched Felistia and Zoltar with glittering yellow eyes. The four guards gingerly chained Zoltar and Felistia to metal hoops in the floor, keeping their heads bowed and none of them looking at the queen for a second. Once finished they bowed low and backed out of the room, closing the doors behind them.
Zoltar swallowed hard as the guards left, leaving them alone with the queen of the ice talons.
'What was she going to do to them,' Zoltar worried, his talons shaking with fear. He'd heard terrible stories of dragons caught trespassing in the ice talon kingdom being torn apart by the queen's pack of drilver dragons. He stood frozen in fear as she stared intently at him as if trying to obtain information from his mind. Shifting her gaze, her menacing golden eyes locked onto Felistia's, who'd seemed to have gained some energy and was glaring at the queen with pure hatred.
"Felistia," The queen spat, spreading her wings to full height, causing the millions of silver scales to sparkle in the sun light filtering through the ceiling above. "It's a pleasure to see you again, little sister." She hissed in false greeting.
Zoltar stood speechless. 'Sister?'
"The pleasure is all yours, Shiler," Felistia snarled angrily through her mouth clamp, straining against the chains holding them to the floor. Her claws scrapping the smooth ice floor as Shiler glared at her with a look of annoyance. "And don't call me little sister. Not anymore. Not after what you did."
"It's ice talon tradition, Felistia. Kori wasn't running the kingdom like a proper ice talon should." Shiler growled with a note of irritation, arching her neck like a snake about to strike.
"But she was your own sister. How could you do that and just for power. She was making the ice talon kingdom great. Just because she wasn't running it the way you wanted her too doesn't mean you had to go and challenge her for the throne. You could have waited a few years and had her pass the throne peacefully over to you," Tears were welling in Felistia eyes and her chest was heaving up and down with sobs, "She was my sister and you took her away from me."
Shiler rolled her eyes and yawned, "Look Felistia. You don't get to be the most powerful ice talon queen in years by waiting for your older sister to hand down the throne. That's not what we used to do in the past. We fought to the death for the throne. We ice talons have gone soft and so have you. Now on with the business at hand," She paused, the rage building in her eyes before she barked, "What are you doing here? I sent you to the best prison in Megalonia and you manage to escape. How I ask you? How?"
Felistia remained silent, tears still streaming down her snout. Zoltar longed to walk over and comfort her, but his chains held him in place.
"Fine then," Shiler breathed, her tail lashing from side to side. She slowly stood up, letting her eyes dart from Felistia to Zoltar. "I see you chose to bring a friend. A shadow talon no less."
Her glittering snake like eyes fell on Zoltar, who immediately felt like a rat cornered by a large cat, "What a shame for him. I hear shadow talons can only last a week in the ice talon kingdom before they die a painful death when their fire dies." She smiled wickedly as she walked up to Zoltar, her long tail trailing behind her. "I'm going to enjoy seeing Felistia's face as she watches you die." She growled quietly, running a serrated claw gently down his snout while snarling. "Then I'm going to execute her seeing that no prison can hold her."
Felistia didn't even flinch and simple turned away from the queen, her tail curled over her chains. But the remake turned Zoltar's blood cold as the queen's glittering gold eyes. "You can't k-k-kill me." Zoltar stuttered fearfully, trying to squish the trembling in his voice. "The s-s-shadow talons will attack the place if you do." Doubt filtered into Zoltar's heart though. Would the shadow talons really storm the palace just for him? As soon as he asked the question, Zoltar knew the answer. The shadow talons would never attack the ice talon palace, even if their own chief was trapped there. He and Felistia were on their own.
"Pha. You think I'm scared of a bunch of scrawny shadow talons. Please, they'd be crushed like little pansies under my armies claws. I'm afraid there's no hope for you or Felistia here." She hissed cruelly, her crown of horns gleaming like knife blades as she lifted her head and roared, "Guards!"
Instantly four guards marched into the room, holding wicked looking spears. They bowed once they had entered as they waited for Shiler's commands.
"Take these two to the prison, I'll deal with their fates later." Shiler instructed, shooting an evil smile at Felistia, who ignored her as small traces of tears could be seen balling under her eyes.
The guards quickly unchained Zoltar and Felistia and lead them out the room, their sharp spears pointed at them, ready to stab them if they made a single wrong move.
As he was led out the room, Zoltar's eyes caught on a glass case in the far corner of the room. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that resting inside the casket was a sparkling mountain snow blue diamond. The ice diamond.
Ooooh I have chills!! Your writing has improved sooo much since we first got started! I really liked this chapter. Not only were there some really interesting character insights and developments, but the plot just surged forward. I want to hurry to get this review done so I can go read more!
The massive ice talon sat majestically in a shimmering diamond throne, her deadly tail gently sweeping from side to side as she watched Felistia and Zoltar with glittering yellow eyes.
What was she going to do to them.
"It's a pleasure to meet you again, little sister." She hissed in false greeting.
Zoltar stood speechless. 'Sister?'
with a look of annoyance, "and don't call me little sister. Not anymore. Not after what you did."
"It's ice talon tradition, Felistia and Kori wasn't running the kingdom like a proper ice talon should,"
You could have waited a few years and had her pass the throne peacefully over to you," Tears were welling in Felistia eyes and her chest was heaving up and down with sobs, "She was my sister and you took her away from me."
That's not what we used to do in the past. No. We fought to the death for the throne.
Zoltar longed to walk over and comfort her, but his chains held him in place.
Her glittering snake like eyes fell on Zoltar, who immediately felt like a rat cornered by a large cat,
"What a shame for him. I hear shadow talons can only last a week in the ice talon kingdom before they die a painful death when their fire dies." She smiled wickedly as she walked up to Zoltar, her long tail trailing behind her. "I'm going to enjoy seeing Felistia's face as she watches you die." She growled quietly, running a serrated claw gently down his snout while snarling. "Then I'm going to execute her seeing that no prison can hold her."
As he was led out the room, Zoltar's eyes caught on a glass case in the far corner of the room. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that resting inside the casket was a sparkling mountain snow blue diamond. The ice diamond.
I haven't read the other chapters of this so I may not be able to help fully, but this is Yams here for a review!
I felt like I couldn't really connect with the main character, Felistia that much. I didn't really feel anything with the way she talked. Actually, I felt the same for most of the characters as it felt the dialogue made them disconnected and it just didn't feel very natural to me, the way they talked.
I don't know, maybe it's because this is fantasy and then in that people have become easy to go to a queen that talks all fancy and threatening or something. The queen has the most problems with me for talking like just another "Evil Queen" archetype, and it'd be cool to see it broken at some point.
Zoltar was the most convincing and interesting character for the standpoint in this chapter to me. They're just watching this all go through in chains and are simply just observing the whole time rather than doing much action. Like Holo said, it is a little odd how it just comes up right now, but it is interesting to me of that decision.
The end of the chapter was nice in convincing to read more and it seems it would have a big impact on the reader if I had followed this novel from the start.
That's all I can give from my outsider-ish point of view.
Have a great day and take my review with a grain of salt!
Naturally, I'm back!
Zoltar and Felistia stood in front of the queen of the ice talons in chains.
Felistia snarled angrily through her mouth clamp
(Insert Shiler's entire speech here)
Points: 5851
Reviews: 77
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