Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
The Oswald Psychiatric Hospital, or, as more commonly known, the Oswald Asylum: the most notorious mental hospital in Oregon. There were rumors about it’s corruption, about how they starved the kids and fed them the scraps from what the staff ate. The rumors also listed about nurses abusing the patients in the hospital, slowly breaking them fully into madness. Of course, there were the generic rumors about psychiatric hospitals—that they were giving the kids the wrong medicine, that they were experimenting on their brains, that they’re using the widely taboo electroshock-therapy method on them, and things like that. Most of Oregon was also suspicious that no one ever made it out of Oswald Asylum and that, generally, anyone who looked into the possible corruption or were families that begged for their children back were killed in some accident, car or otherwise. To the residents of Oregon—especially the ones that lived near the so-called “hospital”—the place meant bad news.
So of course, when word got out that the mysterious kid from Medford news was going to the Oswald Psychiatric Hospital, it was only natural that the entirety of Oregon would erupt in an uproar.
Thomas’s face was thrust with cameras and microphones from the reporters gathering around Oswald. He had no idea what to do, but was luckily saved by Dr. Dalsia, who shooed the reporters away.
“His PTSD might activate with those microphones,” Peter Dalsia explained to the reporters. “We don’t know where he was, but he seems to have PTSD with needles, which leads us to believe that someone abused him with them. They could have also used maces or their fist to his face. He also doesn’t know anything about what happened to him, so no questions. I know that you’re all dying for information, but, unfortunately, you’re going to have to do without.”
The reporters seemed to hesitate for a second. Then, simultaneously, they all but threw their equipment in Dalsia’s face. Dalsia, appreciating the attention, answered their questions as specifically as possible. Thomas was led inside by an obviously sad Kaila, who had looped her hand around his shoulders.
“Why are you sad?” Thomas asked her curiously. Kaila looked at him and gave him a sad smile and turned back around. Thomas waited for her to answer, but it never came. “Kaila Summers?”
“Just... call me Kaila, okay?” was her only reply. Her voice was weighed down with sorrow. “Call me Kaila.”
Thomas was unsure why she repeated the statement. He distantly remembered something about how, when people repeated something, they were either trying to emphasize something or make themselves understand a situation that the person was currently in. He didn’t know where he heard that, but he decided to go by it. If Thomas had learned anything, it’s that he should always listen to his inner voice.
“Why do you need to repeat it twice? What’s wrong?” he asked Kaila. “When someone repeats something, it usually means that they’re trying to understand it. Do you need to understand your name?”
“No, it’s not like that,” Kaila said, letting out a nervous laugh. “It’s nothing. You’re fine. I just have something on my mind.”
Thomas knew that Kaila was keeping something from him, but he kept his mouth shut. He knew from experience that opening his mouth in the wrong situations led to needles, or worse. Thomas rubbed his inner thigh absentmindedly, a hobby that he had picked up from Dalsia. However, instead of a prosthetic leg, he was rubbing an old scar. He glanced at a patch of rock in the courtyard and his eyes flew wide open.
“S-stop it,” his distant voice said with panic. “I-I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to I didn’t-”
The brand attached itself to his inner thigh, cutting his sentence off with screams.
Thomas stopped suddenly, initiating Kaila’s alarm. He stayed rooted in place, replaying the memory over and over again in his head. He could feel Kaila shaking him, the newer nurse not knowing what to do. He began to shake where he stood. His eyes darted to the left. There was Toffee, holding the brand. When he darted his eyes to the right, he wasn’t outside anymore. He was back underground, in Toffee’s torture dungeon.
Toffee smiled widely and shoved the brand even further into his leg. Thomas’s leg went numb, but the fact that he could smell the burning skin made him scream even louder.
Kaila began to call for help. A few nurses ran out of the building and grabbed Thomas’s face, yelling into his ear to ‘snap out of it’ or snapped their fingers right in front of his ears. However, all of their voices felt far away as the flashback, through bits and pieces, flashed in his mind. He began to scream and cover his ears with his hands, collapsing on the ground.
“Why are you screaming, Thomas?” Toffee shouted at Thomas’s face. “No one is going to hear you!”
Thomas was shaking violently on the wet, dewy grass, his voice starting to become hoarse. But he still screamed. His brand scar burned and pain shot up through his spine.
Toffee laughed like a maniac. “Oh, I can’t wait to see Star’s face when she realizes what I’ve done to you! Oh, wait, you won’t remember her!” He shoved the brand even further inside of the muscles of his thigh.
Thomas felt sad, but he didn’t know why. Who was this Star that Toffee talked about? Why was he the only one with a normal name? Why why why why whywhywhywhy-
His flashback stopped as one of the male nurses slapped him across the face.
--
"Hey! Stop!" Storm screamed. He waved his arms in front of him as the Werewolves, as they called themselves, advanced towards him, their own arms outstretched.
"Do you really have any jurisdiction to plead like that?" one of them said. Storm racked his brain for his name. The kid must have been a new member. "From what I heard, you don't have the confidence to stand up and beg, Worm. Get on your knees and maybe we'll spare you." This caused laughter to ripple throughout the gang.
"Good job, Jeb. You're a natural," the so-called "lieutenant" laughed. Rocket, his name was. "I like that idea. On your knees, Worm's son."
Storm winced. He had been bullied for his last name for his entire life, even though he didn't choose "Wormson" to be his last name. He reluctantly got down on his knees, crying and shaking.
The kids began to kick him, bloody and violent. Some of them stomped on him as he remained a ball of tears on the hard pavement ground. Eventually, Rocket's boot came down on his temple and his vision faded to black.
Crystal cackled loudly, earning a strange look from the ten-year-old sitting next to her. That's why that kid was in the asylum? Bullying? Only bullying?
"Pathetic," she muttered under her breath. She glanced at Storm, sitting across the room and talking to his friend. She couldn't imagine that someone so tall could be so cowardly. Granted, Storm was 5’4”, which was lower than an average male height, but he was still the tallest kid in the room.
A wistful smile appeared on her face as she rested her chin on her hand, daydreaming about the so-called “bullies” (which, to her, were pathetic excuses for them. She had experienced bullies before, but thought that the ones that bullied Storm were weak compared to the other ones). If it was me, I would have beaten up those boys and retained my pride and reputation to the max. I doubt that those pathetic excuses of bullies could take me out. She pictured the scene. I would slip in between that Rocket kid's legs, whirl around, and kick him in the balls from behind, then use a knife hand to chop him in the head, then use a roundhouse on the new kid standing next to him...
She was distracted by her fantasizing by Storm glaring at her. Crystal giggled and waved, knowing full well that Storm would back down once he realized that she knew he was watching. Sure enough, he backed down, which annoyed Crystal to no end.
Crystal stood up and, though not very tall, she brought her hands up to her face like a microphone and shouted one word to him:
"Coward!"
She then giggled and sat back down and picked at her vegetables, not wanting to get stomach indigestion again by eating them. She shrugged and moved to throw them away, but one of the nurses stopped her.
"Aren't you going to eat your vegetables? If you do, you'll get better," the nurse said kindly. Her name is Winnie. “No thanks," Crystal answered sweetly, smiling at Winnie innocently.
Winnie sighed. "It's my job to make sure that you're eating. All you've eaten is meat and the occasional chocolate thing. That's not very balanced, you know." Crystal decided that she didn’t like the matter-of-fact tone that Winnie had.
"I think that it's your job to act like a robot," Crystal said coldly, changing her tone as easily as someone would switch a light. She did realize that it wasn’t balanced to the normal person, but she wasn’t any normal person. "What's in your diet? Oil and petroleum? That's not a good diet either. You need a steady supply of gasoline to keep you going too. I've never seen you eat that." She knew that she shouldn't say stuff like that to Winnie—in fact, Winnie was one of the nicer nurses, since she actually cared about the patients—but, in truth, Crystal didn't care.
She dumped the vegetables while giving a very hurt Winnie a mischievous look. She then marched back to her room with no prompting—all the while experiencing very strange looks from the nurses; it was very out of Crystal’s character—and sat down on the bed. She sat there in silence, chastising herself for going to her room so often lately. She was going to think more, but she heard something and her eyes shot open. Her ears perked up at the noise of a bunch of people and pandemonium outside; they were reporters, apologizing for sticking microphones in a kid’s face. Crystal smiled widely as chaos reigned while an ear-splitting scream split the air.
It seemed that her client was here.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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And I'm back with another review!

I like that you established a bit more background for us about the hospital - that helps give a lot of needed context. Unfortunately in the modern world there are infrequent cases of hospitals abusing patients especially in Mental Health hospitals - not just of children but of adults too, being held against their will, or not really having their basic needs met. So it's an important subject even for a fictional piece to cover.
I think this is such an odd way to phrase this: "“His PTSD might activate with those microphones,”" You might do some research into people's actual experience with PTSD, I think the word would be "set-off PTSD reaction" or "trigger PTSD related anxiety" rather than "activate" which sounds so mechanical. I get that this is fiction again, but I find it extremely unrealistic that a therapist or psychiatrist would ever disclose history of expected abuse to people other than the client or doctors, especially to media.
This incident says a lot about Thomas and Kaila's character - I think it's good insight in there, "Thomas was unsure why she repeated the statement. He distantly remembered something about how, when people repeated something, they were either trying to emphasize something or make themselves understand a situation that the person was currently in. "
The relived trauma incident was very realistic, and I like how you flashed between the memory of the incident and the scene itself - it was dramatic and I wanted to continue reading to see what would happen.
Again we see Thomas having strange emotional reactions that seem to disconect with what's actually going on around him, like when it says he felt sad after this whole trauma scene was relived.
Overall, I think it'd be really helpful for you to read a few articles about PTSD and medical/psychiatric intervention with PTSD patients - I think it'd help with the believability of some of these scenes. For instance, I can't imagine nurses ever yelling at a patient to "snap out of it" or slapping someone- and you might find some other realistic grounding techniques that they might use with a patient who has PTSD.
I think you've established the best voice with Crystal's character - just reading her section seems very like her. And it's interesting that I find her likeable but mean too.
I'm hoping there'll be another chapter soon? You're good with leaving off at a mystery/cliff-hanger, "an ear-splitting scream split the air. It seemed that her client was here".
Yeah so the nurse slapping Thomas was on purpose to kind of show how much some of the nurses don't care.
Thanks for the review!
Hello, Zami! Let's get right into it.
While technically the beginnings of chapters aren't nearly as important and emphasized as the beginning of the whole novel, sometimes too poor of a chapter beginning can cause a reader to put down book and not touch it again. This introduction was very weak in my opinion, for several reasons. First, the sentence I pulled read very awkwardly, what with the nickname and the colon. Technically, this colon is incorrect because they should only ever be used after complete sentences, so in this instance it just gives a choppy, awkward beginning to this chapter.
Next, the way the rumors are phrased is passive and makes it seem like these are rumors that used to circulate the area but don't anymore. From the feel of this piece, I don't think that is the case, so it read awkwardly to me since the connotation was not exactly what was meant to be portrayed. Finally, but most importantly, is the fact that I already had a creepy, bad vibe from this asylum because of Crystal's interaction with the doctor, with the hints dropped last chapter, so I didn't need another section that left the character's perspective just to give more information on this asylum. It didn't feel well executed, and also it doesn't make sense because that part was in Thomas's perspective and he wouldn't have known any of the the rumors surrounding the place, as he has amnesia.
This seems a bit contradictory to me because he seemed pretty willing to give information about his status, explaining the boy's diagnosis and then even answering questions later, but then he says they'll have to go without. If this is the case, it would have made more sense for him to be more curt and short with the reporters, trying to get them to go away so he could continue instead of supplying them with answers.
I've mentioned this before, but be careful not to repeat stuff you've just told the reader. If you've mentioned it before, especially recently, the reader will remember it and bringing it up further just makes it repetitive and redundant. This occurs in several situations across this chapter, but this quote was the most prevalent, as it was said just a paragraph after it was in the narration.
After those smaller things, I have some much larger issues with this section, the first being how "PTSD" for Thomas is handled. First of all, PTSD stands for "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." The important thing to note is that it is a disorder, meaning it is an abnormal and malicious change in behavior. Now, I'm not saying that Thomas does not have triggers and traumatic reactions, which he obviously does and definitely should, but in Thomas's case, it's perfectly normal. Anyone who has undergone a stressful, traumatic event is going to have traumatic reactions. The point when it becomes a disorder is when it is persistent and malignant. To be diagnosed with PTSD, symptoms have to persist for six months. Thomas doesn't have PTSD right now because he just escaped the traumatic situation a day ago. Of course he's going to have these reactions. It's a normal part of coping with trauma.
My second issue with how the nurses handled Thomas's trigger. No medically trained professional in their right mind would even touch (let alone slap) a patient who is undergoing a flashback/has been triggered. If anything, it would make the situation far, far worse and the patient would not just suddenly "snap out of it." They could get violent, defensive, more triggered. If he is completely unresponsive to anything that is happening around him, then they'd just have to wait and console him until he snapped out of it, because these events are only temporary. This is a link I found about how to help someone experiencing an episode, which may be of some use.
Finally, I realize that Crystal is intentionally supposed to come off as entitled and stuck-up, but I have no compassion or empathy or interest in her. I strongly dislike her, and not in an "I don't agree with this character but still interested in them" kind of way. The way that she reacted to Storm's bullying is extremely problematic and very alienating for some readers, and she only seems to act condescending and rude for no particular reason. We don't know her motivation and intentions so we don't connect with her on any level.
Writing wise, this chapter was well written. It flowed well after the introduction and it was easy to get into, but the issues I found with the concepts would make it difficult to continue further.
Best wishes in your writing endeavors,
- Wolfe
Yes, I do know how to handle it. The nurse slapped Thomas on purpose. You'll see in the next chapter lol

And do you want me to tag you next chapter?
Thx for the review
No, thanks. I don't think this type of novel is for me. But I wish you the best of luck continuing with it ~ And hopefully you'll find someone to follow it ^^
@alliyah @Saruka @KaiRyu