Young Writers Society

How is this in the lit spotlight what I wrote all of these in like a minute

So I might give a long review because I need points, so yeah sorry in advance. First off I thought it was pretty creative of you to use Haikus. If fact using more than one Haiku in, well in hindsight one Haiku would be difficult to include roasts. I don't see a lot of Haikus in this website and personally I find them really hard to make. Then again nothing worth doing is easy. I don't know if Haikus come naturally to you, or if you are just experimenting with different formats. Either way great job! The last one in my opinion was the best because it felt more playful, which I know was the point. It really made the poem feel more like playful mockery, than something seriously trying to offend others, which is a good thing. My only criticism is the third one. "Every single day?", felt a bit too much. It kind of felt like it was there for the sake of it. Overall, I thought it was good and I can't wait for part two!

Hi Kara, I'll be leaving a little review for you today. When I review I like to cover several categories beyond flow and grammar, as many people find grammatical and flow comments to be irrelevant or annoying.

Grammar / Flow

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek reviewing more Kindergarten roasts in the form of Japanese poetry, so, um, let's get started?

First, I'd like to note the fact that the second and third roasts are the cringiest pieces of literature I have ever read in my life. Put that into a poetic form, and you have this. That's why I like this so much! It is hard to fit a full roast into a poem, let alone a haiku, so the roasts don't necessarily have to be good. The format is creative and unique, and that's all that matters. I think this is good, but maybe you should work on bending the rules a little. You can change the amount of syllables if you need to to make it better, just stick between 3-7 for the first and last lines, and 5-9 for the middle line. This is very unique and I really like it, but knowing you, I think you could make it a lot... darker! You are one of the most creative (and scary) people I know, so use that and create some spoooooky haikus!

Sorry I couldn't review it more, but that's all I have to say. See you next time- and have a magical Review Day!

-ZeldaIsShiek

Yo, DemonGoddess. I'm gonna review this piece and clarify some things about haiku in the process, so let's talk about that!

First off, let's rip the bandage off: these aren't haiku. They do not follow the rules of natural elements contrasting to reflect upon human or worldly condition. They do not follow grammatical integrity that haiku demand. I would not classify these as senryu, either, as they do not reflect upon human nature or condition. They're meant to roast people, and that's not in the wheelhouse of the haiku or senryu subset of poetry. Sure, you're allowed to borrow the format, but I happen to be picky about things being what they're called. So what you have here are joke poems borrowing the senryu style.

Following this, you seem to have misconceptions about the need of capitalization upon new lines of poetry.

An Example Poem

For example, DG
This is
Not needed at
All if you have
Picked up what I
Mean.

And what I mean is that the old teacheresque rumor that each new line must be capitalized was an error. A wive's tale. A myth. That style is only important in acrostic poetry, which this is not.

Finally, just. Just ignoring the grammar flaws, the jokes aren't good? I'm sorry, but I just didn't laugh at all here, and I wanted to! I wanted to chuckle with you. But they can't all be winners.

All my best,
Lumi

I LOVE THIS!