Wow! Those are some very nasty aliens to have inflicted all that without actually killing their target. Makes me appreciate all the measures that are being currently taken against any possible invasion. The title also brings up the issue of why an almighty loving God permits suffering. So I understood it as being the poems primary purpose.
As I began reading of course I was appalled and horrified as the poem intended me to be.
I concluded that the person was either describing what occurred at Hiroshima when they dropped the Atomic Bomb or else was suffering from some type of yet-to-be discovered disease. I also wondered how the person was managing to remain alive or even able to express coherent thoughts while undergoing such horrendous physical alterations. To be honest, that momentarily weakened my suspension of disbelief.
Then further on it was revealed that there are aliens involved. Perhaps placing an I hear a snicker, early on would prevent the reader from having to readjust his perspective halfway.
In short, the hint at the outset that there is someone or something doing the inflicting and preventing a quick merciful death would greatly enhance believability.
I also couldn't help but notice that another reviewer expressed concern about your welfare. Please note that if indeed there is anything you wish to speak about. I am willing to listen via Pm. I also don't feel too well when I miss my meds. So I empathize.
Kind regards
Radrook
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
Donate