Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
STOP.
please.
and yet
you SCREAM at me.
you t h r o w pillows and plastic soda bottles,
different-colored shoes and computer sleeves.
you get up in my face – my {adjective} face –
and b e a t m e with a pillow.
aren’t pillows used for comfort?
your face tomato red and your veins
popping balloons.
you leave me curled
in a
b
a l
l,
reassuring me that you’ll do worse
the next time.
the stress c l o u d s me
whenever you are in the room.
i. hate. you.
i
can’t
relax around you.
i
can’t
breathe around you.
i
can’t
do hardly anything around you.
just the other day,
you told me that i should e a t more,
so i have been.
purging myself with the c r a ppiest food that
i can find,
the wishing that i hadn’t and wondering if i should force myself
to
v
o
m
i
t,
thinking that i should starve myself.
you
are
breaking
me
stop
please
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139,674 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
The whole format of this, while still amplifying how sad it is, really makes it flow so well. It's really clever! The ball bit especially! The whole piece paints such a vivid picture in your mind about this poor poor character. I just want to hug them and tell them it's going to be okay. If you need to dm me, then please do! It sort of upsets me when I see things like this. The real world and its brutality...
I honestly hate it!
Over all, I love it! It's beautiful in quite a harsh way. I can't really see any bits to nitpick, so, that's good!
Thank you.
Thanks Brook. Its my poem, Kara just reformated it.
It's still a beautiful poem, no matter how it's formatted. Well, maybe beautiful isn't the right word? Again, I hope everything is okay because the darkness inside those words worries me.
This is awesome! While I still love the first version better, this is still really good! I absolutely love the ball part, making it literally a ball! XD
Awesome!
thanks!
@emolemon @Flumadiddle @BookishBrook @MJTucker @LJF @Lake @WhosabellCanWrite
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<3
understand? -_-
This is ZeldaIsShiek here to review a poem that I can truly relate to. I really like this, and I feel that the redaction of certain words adds to the quintessential aura of this poem that amplifies its expressiveness. The fact that you use the arrangement of the characters themselves to express your emotions, emphasize words, and explain circumstances is astounding and I relish your poetic genius. I think that's enough flattery for today. Let's start reviewing.
Your usage of bold words is outstanding and proliferates the reader's emotions. Bolded words aren't exactly rare, but they are not so frequent that they have little to no meaning. Only six lines contained bolded words, and all of these lines felt charged with emotion. The word "can't" is bolded three times. Other bolded words/phrases are; "STOP", "SCREAM", and "I. hate. you.". These show how the poet feels towards their abuser, and how they feel completely helpless against them. This is also made apparent by the mention of purging and forming eating disorders as a coping method as opposed to confronting the abuser and solving their problems.
Either way, this poem is extremely well written and I can tell it took you a long time to perfect. This is a rough draft, after all. Please make sure to notify me when the final version of this poem comes out if it has not come out already, and please keep writing. Have a spectacular day! ZeldaIsShiek- OUT!
Thank you. I wrote the poem, and kara just reformated it.