Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
A/N: Written for fun :3 the one thing was stolen from @screamingsloth.
PLEASE don't comment on grammar. It was intentional.
Just for some insight, Crystal is an unfeeling psychopath, Joash is a homophobic dude who's in love with her (and is a bit dumb), and Erwin's a gay guy who is really good at fighting. All three of them are half-dragon. Achar, Manasa, Kimi, etc. are all aliens from a planet where magic is real that they were kicked out of only because they were prophesied to kill the dictator that took over the entire planet. Toby is Crystal's cousin, who is 3% bird from science experimentation. -- Kara
Crystal: WOAH, that is- that's a big gun.
Joash: It's big... like my-
Crystal: Not interested.
Erwin: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!
Crystal: Poseidon quivers before him.
Erwin: FUCK OFF!
Crystal: I liked that movie.
Joash: What? It was SO GORY!
Crystal: Exactly. That's why I liked it.
Joash: There's something extremely wrong with you.
Crystal: I hate it when people say that age is just a number.
Crystal: Clearly it's a word.
Crystal: Hey Joash guess what?
Joash: **notices shirt**
Crystal: **is wearing a shirt that says "Whoever says "what" is gay"**
Joash: **flips table**
Erwin: Hey, Joash, words can't describe how beautiful you are...
Joash: I'm not gay dude.
Erwin: But numbers can!
Erwin: 1 out of 10.
Crystal: DON'T YOU MEAN -1 OUT OF 10?!
Joash: Hey Crystal guess wha-
Crystal: News flash! I don't care.
Achar: **slides in** tHAT YOU BROKE YOUR ELBOW
Crystal: hOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT MEME IT'S FUCKING 2236!
Toby: I'm a bird guru, I guess.
Crystal: I know. You look like one.
Manasa: I'm depressed.
Crystal: You know what could fix that?
Manasa: If you say "cheese" I swear to God-
Joash: Crystal, why isn't the house all clean since you were home all day today?
Crystal: I dunno, Joash, why aren't you smart since you were at school all day today?
Joash: Oh, look, I'm Erwin! I have so much eye makeup that I look like a burn victim!
Crystal: Oh don't worry, you already look like a natural disaster, no need to make yourself look worse.
Achar: I dare you to roast me.
Crystal: If we roast you, then I guess we would have the solution to world hunger.
Kimi: OH SNAP
Winter: It's warm in here.
Ignacia: It's cold in here.
Kimi: It's dry in here.
Achar: It's humid in here.
Crystal: OH MY LORD JUST PICK ONE THING GOD DAMN IT WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM
Crystal: You look like a Snapchat filter with a glitch.
Joash: We're in the same room and talking face to face.
Joash: We're here to roast people, not potatoes.
Danube: I'm a potato? Look who's talking.
Crystal: OH SNAP GET ROASTED SON
Joash: I wonder what Eddsworld character I would be.
Joash: Oh, so you do think I'm beautiful.
Crystal: No, I just think you're just stupid.
Joash: Hey guys, I just got a girlfriend!
Crystal: You pick up chicks like Erwin does girlfriends, and he's gay. Do you really expect me to believe that?
Manasa: Fuq you I can sing.
Winter: Fuq you I can snowboard.
Kimi: Fuq you I can design fashion.
Ignacia: Fuq you I can blast fire.
Achar: Fuq you I can work nunchucks.
Danube: Fuq you I can swim.
Joash: Fuq you I can play... video games?
Erwin: Fuq you I can fight with swords.
Crystal: fUQ YOU I CAN DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND mORE
Joash: I wonder how Caesar Salad died.
Crystal: **smacks head**
Joash: Where are we?
Joash: That's not helpful.
Crystal: I know, that's why I said it.
Erwin: **touches Joash**
Joash: AHHHH I'M INFECTED WITH GAY
Crystal: I thought you were already "infected" with gay.
Crystal: Achar your doctor said that you can't drink alceehol.
Achar: it's water.
Crystal: No Achar it's alceehol.
Achar: No, it's water.
Crystal: NO. Achar. Your doctor said NO.
Erwin: **is waiting in line for the new iPhone**
Crystal: Hey your sister is dying of cancer.
Erwin: ?? I don't have a sister.
Crystal: Because you tHOUGHT SHE HAD TIME SO YOU GOT IN LINE
Joash: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Crystal: No, but I scraped my knee crawling out of hell.
Joash: Of course, you're devilishly beautiful.
Crystal: PFFT fuck no, I'm fucking fabulous.
Joash: hey Crystal lemme smash.
Crystal: No Ron, go find Becky.
Joash: omg she actually got it
Joash: I have crippling depression.
Erwin: You know what could fix that?
Crystal: FLEX TAPE
Joash: How does it feel now that you've killed everyone in the world?
Crystal: If I've killed everyone in the world, wouldn't I have killed you? **twirls knife**
Joash: ... wtf
Erwin: So, what do you want to do with your life?
Crystal: I want to die.
Erwin: ... that's not dark at all.
Joash: Hey Crystal want to bang?
Joash: Haha autocorrect sucks
Crystal: THIS IS A REAL LIFE CONVERSATION
Joash: Dude, this guy just asked me to "suq his cok" on my Insta wall.
Crystal: How would he? He doesn't even have one. Besides, you're already doing that to Erwin.
Erwin: **dies of laughter** just when you think that she's standing up to you she ain't
Crystal: Why is Hellman's mayonnaise called Hellman's mayonnaise?
Crystal: I mean it's good, but that's not the most appropriate name in the world.
Joash: Your face is inappropriate.
Crystal: Look who's talking.
Joash: **reads card from board game** Which natural park or biome describes you best? Crystal?
Crystal: Antarctica describes me the best. It's a desert, so it's dry, and it's cold, like me.
Joash: ... Erwin?
Erwin: I'm a rainforest, because I'm colorful, ayeeeeee! **finger guns**
Joash: **dies of laughter** I may be gayphobic but oml that was great
**during a text conversation**
Crystal: So you're Temmie now?
Joash: welcome 2 my tem shop
Crystal: I guess you are.
Joash: i am cristl. i will steel ur soul mwuahahaha
Crystal: Are you even aware of the contact right now? Dude.
Joash: oh shit i texted cristl by acident
Crystal: Your grammar is horrible.
Joash: Me not think as you drunk as I am!
Crystal: You got the words wrong.
Joash: THE SUN IS SETTING
Toby: THE FLOWERS ARE STARTING TO WILT
Crystal: YOU FUCKED UP BITCH
Achar: I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING TEA
Manasa: I'm a communist.
Winter: I'm a socialist
Crystal: Pfft that's close enough.
Joash: When I was a young boy
Crystal: MY FATHER
Kara (Me): What have I done