"if only, if only," the woodpecker sighs.
"if the bark of the trees were as soft as the skies."
then maybe i won't drown in tears every day,
while smiling to my friends and telling them that i am okay.
--
while the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
crying to the moon, "if only, if only."
i am hungry for love,
for the friends that i am dreaming of.
--
"if only, if only,"
if only i was a woodpecker, with carefree bliss,
carving away at a tree, pecking it with a kiss,
if only i were a wolf, howling at the moon,
i could change myself - sing a different tune.
--
the woodpecker sighs.
if only i weren't so sad all the time,
someone who, to other people, isn't worth a dime.
i am tired of the mask that i slip on my face
when my friends are around, to pretend that i'm not out of place.
--
"if the bark of the tree were as soft as the skies."
if only i could reach for the stars.
instead of caking makeup on my soul, hiding the scars.
i wish that i could be a noticeable human
but i am known as the girl who is a ruin.
---
while the wolf waits below
they are lions in their den.
they are the predators, not women or men,
and i am the prey, the little zebra kid.
the one hunted and killed, no matter how i ran, climbed, or slid.
---
hungry and lonely
i am the hungry one, wanting more friends,
someone with people, someone who starts the trends.
but i am the one who is lonely at lunchtime,
with people avoiding me like i committed a crime.
---
crying to the moon
locking myself in a stall in the bathroom,
drowning in tears, drowning in gloom.
coming out with a smile on me,
talking to my friends with my voice kind of crackly.
---
"if only, if only."
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hullo Kara! Cat here to review this wonderful poem in the spirit of review day! Okay then, here we go!
"if only, if only," the woodpecker sighs.
Although with the '--' you switched from two to three in the middle, so maybe just have consistency there.
First, let's go through your poem together (Anything in bold is my comments/suggestions/grammar help):
Spoiler
"if the bark of the trees were as soft as the skies."
then maybe i won't drown in tears every day,
while smiling to my friends and telling them that i am okay. (Relatable!)
--
while the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
crying to the moon, "if only, if only."
i am hungry for love,
for the friends that i am dreaming of. (I understand this)
--
"if only, if only,"
if only i was a woodpecker, with carefree bliss,
carving away at a tree, pecking it with a kiss,
if only i were a wolf, howling at the moon,
i could change myself - sing a different tune.
--
the woodpecker sighs.
if only i weren't so sad all the time,
someone who, to other people, isn't worth a dime. (Wow! So much emotion in this on small line!)
i am tired of the mask that i slip on my face
when my friends are around, to pretend that i'm not out of place. (Same...)
--
"if the bark of the tree were as soft as the skies."
if only i could reach for the stars.
instead of caking makeup on my soul, hiding the scars.
i wish that i could be a noticeable human
but i am known as the girl who is a ruin.
---
while the wolf waits below
they are lions in their den.
they are the predators, not women or men,
and i am the prey, the little zebra kid.
the one hunted and killed, no matter how i ran, climbed, or slid.(Personally, I would add 'fast' in between 'how' and 'i')
---
hungry and lonely
i am the hungry one, wanting more friends,
someone with people, someone who starts the trends.
but i am the one who is lonely at lunchtime,
with people avoiding me like i committed a crime. (Oh! This reminds me of elementary school and the kids that no one ever sat by; I now wish that I would've been brave enough to go talk to them...)
---
crying to the moon
locking myself in a stall in the bathroom,
drowning in tears, drowning in gloom.
coming out with a smile on me,
talking to my friends with my voice kind of crackly.
---
"if only, if only."
What I liked: Wow! The emotions you managed to pack into such a small poem is incredible!
What to fix grammar/spelling wise: Nothing!
Plot holes/confusing stuff: Nothing; it was awesome!
Other random comments: Besides you awesome emotions, you have amazing flow!
Well anyways, awesome poem! Great job and keep writing!
Just a quick comment- you should probably say somewhere that the italicized lines are from the book Holes. I'd write a review for this except that I'm both bad at poetry and I'm not a big fan of most poetry. My fav line was "if only i could reach for the stars. instead of caking makeup on my soul, hiding the scars.." Keep writing!
Well, they aren't from Holes, it's from a song, but you know.
The song actually is from Holes
Louis Sachar wrote the lyrics, which appear in the book.
No he didn't... I looked it up
If you search it up you can see it's from the book, but it is a song that Madame Zeroni, one of the characters, sings. Out of curiosity, where'd you read this if not in the book?
Btw, I searched up:
"if only if only the woodpecker sighs the bark of the trees were as soft as the skies"
Just realized that the song you're probably thinking of is one from the movie version of Holes
Yeah lol
Hey, my name is Noelani, and I hope you don't find this review offensive. Well, to tell you the bad news first, you don't have capitalization in your poem.Also I kinda don't understand if you were going to take about a woodpecker and wolf comparison or if you were talking about yourself. I mean I get that you feelings are most likely a true story, I'm just saying that when you switched your characters at the end you should have made a kind of verification that you were changing the characters before hand. So that people wouldn't be confused to what you your point of the poem is. For example instead of saying "the woodpecker sighs and says if only I weren't so sad all the time" you could say if only you weren't so sad all the time and then compare yourself to woodpecker . These feelings I can relate with, so just know your not alone. With that said you are a wonderful writer , and I love you voice (poem). Please continue writing.
Capitalization was a stylistic choice
This poem made me cry. I love how truthful it is! Great job, and is there a part 3?
thanks! And yes, there will be
I don't really feel like reviewing right now but I read both of these poems and I really liked this one. It felt very personal and relateable and it kept my attention all the way through.
I would like to suggest a few usual nitpicks because that's me. Although it isn't super important, with a work of yours like this I would just say, remember rhyme scheme and meter. I think that would make this a beautiful poem.
Now, in all honesty, the big reason I wanted to leave a message is because I saw a potential opportunity in your rhyming! (if that makes any sense) In your fifth stanza, the last couplet didn't really work out too well in my opinion.
I think you could express this very well with a near-rhyme, human and ruin, if you like that.
Odd but I hope my weird message helps and I can't wait to see more from you.
Have a great day!
@Flumadiddle
Thank you! I will review as soon as possible.
yo welcome