hello

hello. hei. hola. aloha.

so many ways to say hello.

so many ways to start a friendship.

so many ways to betray me.

--

exactly one month,

four days,

and ten hours until i planned to

overdose, choke myself, end my damn life

you walked up to me and you

tapped on my shoulder twice.

--

"hi!" was the first word that came out of your mouth.

"do you want to play with us?" was the first phrase.

one little word, one little phrase of yours,

and one little gesture of mine

i shouldn't have nodded

flipped my world upside down.

--

you steered me over to your group and explained "the game."

where you let your imagination free and run,

and run, and run, and run

around the playground in a world of

kings,

mages,

dragons,

magic.

and it certainly seemed like magic to me.

i had friends now -- something out of my reach before.

--

we had names for ourselves.

crystal the fearsome dragon.

gretchen the prophet.

princess jillian III.

sir leisey of the green knights.

now i wish that i was the prophet.

so i could see exactly what would happen in the years to come.

--

two? three? years later

i forget the number.

we are sitting in front of each other at lunch,

giving each other the stink eye.

now because of you,

the girl who saved my life,

i am suicidal, depressed, in therapy and meds

you hate, despise me

--

and that fateful day in mid-september,

you said those words that would forever change my life.

"i wish that you were never born."

"i should have never invited you to the game."

"you should just kill yourself."

--

let's just say that i had depressants at home.